In what is being hailed as a Life Event-worthy update, the Government has decided to shut down courts and transfer all cases to Facebook. Law Minister, Mr. Sadananda Gowda, briefed the media this afternoon. “This decision, like comments on Facebook, was taken after following a rigorous process… it was thoroughly researched and pondered over”.
The Lord Facebook
Pressed for specifics, he replied, “I got this idea at 9:01 AM, and I updated my status at 9:03 AM. Full 2 minutes I spent on articulating the idea”. The minister concluded by saying, “Don’t worry, baes. People on Facebook are well-informed and open-minded. We must promote the trend of people playing judge, jury and executioner”.
The minister’s close-aide, Mr. Sycophant justified the decision by saying, “We live in a democracy, thus, we must respect popular sentiment. The response to the status update was unbelievable. 9,98,232 likes in 3 minutes! More than a Sunny Leone picture. Likes from people belonging to different walks of life, like politicians, Goondas, etc”. Sources/stalkers have added, a rare moment of bipartisanship was witnessed today, when members from other parties, including the Congress, liked the status. Some went as far as sharing them.
Mr. No Life, President of F.A.C.T. (Facebook Association of Chauvinistic Trolls), emailed his reaction to us, “Dis ws bound 2 happen bruh…. in d 21st century, perception > TrUtH…facts and fatty girls in no vogue no more…. Jurisprudence ki sakinaka…. LuLz.”.
However, not everyone is happy with this decision. Facebook’s rivals, Twitter argued that “on our platform one has to limit their arguments to 140 characters. Isn’t that better? Less crap to read.”
We were unable to get a comment from Mark Zuckerberg. However his daughter, Max, beautifully summarized the discussion for us, “Facebook and courts are like long lost lovers. They are meant to be together. Think about it, if you take our logo ‘F’ and combine it with ‘LAW’, what do you get? FLAW. And isn’t that what the legal system is? FLAWed”.
*dropped the mic & crawled away*
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