The Republican frontrunner in the US Presidential campaign, Donald Trump made an emotional appeal to Rahul Gandhi to reveal the secret of his eternal youth, at a campaign in Nevada.
“I mean, you really have to hand it that duffer”, said Trump, putting a lot of feeling into his words. “He is like 45 years old, and yet he goes around saying that he speaks on behalf of the youth of India. Can you imagine someone on the brink of old age, actually going around declaring that he is still in the prime of youth? I need to learn a thing or two from that blighter. He can pull the wool over everyone’s eyes with an expertise I would love to match.”
When a reporter questioned Trump about his connections with the Gandhi family, Trump proudly said, “Look, Sonia is Italian. She is not Mexican, is she? As long as she is not Mexican, all of us know she’s probably not into drugs, gun-running and brothels. As long as she is not Mexican, she is OK. Yes sir, she is OK.”
The American Mexican Front burnt effigies of Trump, Rahul and Sonia outside the White House the next day in protest against what it termed as ‘an unfair generalization of Mexicans, and an atrociously insulting comparison with Italians masquerading as Indians’.
Eduardo Zuloaga, its President issued a statement that said, “Everyone knows that the Italians rule the Mafioso in America. How can Trump think Italians are all innocent like some choir boy group singing Christmas carols at Times Square, huh? To top it all, Sonia Gandhi has fooled an entire nation into thinking she is some Indian patriot with her ill-fitting sari and her atrocious Hindi. When she speaks Hindi with that irritating Italian accent, a lot of people in India have confided that they feel like committing suicide.”
The Congress Party immediately refuted Zuloaga’s attack on Sonia. Their spokesperson, Digvijay Singh declared, “How can he equate Sonia Gandhi with the Mafioso? Everyone knows her close connections with the Quatrocchis, but hey it was the Quaotrocchis that were suspected of arms dealing, not Sonia. She was always innocent. The only thing she is guilty of is that she posed as a very culturally sensitive lady just so that she could lure the Gandhi family even though she was just a puny little waitress in a Greek restaurant at Cambridge.”
The High Command of the Congress party immediately summoned Digvijay Singh and severely reprimanded him for making undue and unnecessary comments about the senior Gandhi.
The next day, Newshour saw a sheepish Digvijay Singh retracting his statement live in front of Arnab Goswami.
“You see, what I really meant was that anyone has the right to rise from humble beginnings to the centre of power, even waitresses and chaiwalas,” he explained.
“Mr. Singh!” thundered Arnab. “Are you implying that Mr. Modi is not fit to govern our great country because he was a maamuli chaiwala? Are you insulting our country’s great democratic traditions? I demand to know the truth. The nation demands to know the truth. Sonia Gandhi demands to know the truth. Donald Trump demands to know the truth!”
Digvijay Singh looked a bit confused and dazed as he surveyed Arnab and said, “Whatever Arnab. All I know is that Sonia is the centre of my universe, and Rahul is our youth icon.”
“Rahul? Gandhi? Youth? Icon?” snarled Arnab, looking quite ferocious as he flayed his arms and turned nasty. “Are you implying that the Congress thinks a man who is nearing fifty is actually in the prime of youth? Mr. Singh, this is utterly ridiculous and looks like a nasty conspiracy. I demand to know the truth. The Nation…”
“I know, I know…” said Diggie Singh, coyly. “The Nation demands to know the truth, and all that…. Well, go and ask Donald Trump why he is looking to Rahul Gandhi for advise on staying young.”
In the meantime, Arvind Kejriwal released the recording of a sting operation where he tapped Rahul Gandhi’s conversation with Donald Trump.
A voice that sounded distinctively high-pitched and irritating like Rahul Gandhi’s was heard telling Donald Trump, “You see Donald, if you keep saying you are young, and if you keep dyeing your hair and hanging out with some young goons and ruffians all the time, and if you don’t get married, people start to believe that you are young too. Plus, every time there is trouble in some University, all you need to do is go there and make some fiery speeches on behalf of the youth, and people lap it up. It is so easy to fool an entire nation, you know. My family have been doing it for four generations. You are new to the game. Fooling an entire country is our family business. You can’t learn what we have practiced for 100 years by just one simple Presidential campaign.”
Donald Trump was not available for comments as he was busy verbally bashing a Muslim rights group for demanding prayer rooms in the West Wing of the White House.
Disclaimer: This article has NOT been edited or written by the Faking News editorial team for publication as a mainstream article. This is a user generated content, and could be unusually better or worse in quality than an article published on the mainstream Faking News website. You too can write your own news report on My Faking News
No comments:
Post a Comment