Mumbai. A man in Versova is leaving his wife and two little children in order to spend more time praising Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan.
Bunta Singh, who runs twenty seven blogs and social media feeds dedicated to SRK, said that the star was “too perfect a human being and actor” for any of his time to be wasted on family chores like lovemaking and babysitting.
“They were slowing me down,” said Bunta Singh of his now estranged family, “Because I was obligated to eat dinner with them at least once a week, I missed tweeting about how SRK had sneezed twice while attending the Chennai Express premiere. That was the last straw.”
An old poster found in Bunta’s old house
“You know, dimples appear on his cheeks even when he sneezes,” Bunta came up with unsolicited details talking exclusively to Faking News.
When not lavishing accolades on SRK, Bunta Singh is busy at work collecting soil samples from all the fields SRK has ever danced upon and lobbying the RBI to replace Gandhi’s photo on all currency notes.
Last year he launched a failed bid to have SRKs see-thru shirts from ‘Suraj Hua Maddham‘ added to the American Library of Congress as significant historical artifacts.
“People don’t realize how much work this is,” Bunta Singh added. “I have to spend hours each day just trolling people who say things like ‘Anjaam could have been better’ or ‘English Babu Desi Mem was a bad film.’ I don’t know how Kasab was executed ahead of people like those.”
“Bloody traitors!” an agitated Bunta added.
When asked what would happen to his two children, Karan and Johar, Bunta Singh said that even after divorce he will make sure they watch KKHH at least once a day to feel a fatherly presence in their life.
His now former wife, Roopa, but whom he would only refer to as ‘Anjali’, was last seen at a local hospital getting a Kajol tattoo removed from her back that Bunta Singh had made her get as part of his dowry.
Ending this interview, Bunta Singh said henceforth he will respond only when addressed as ‘Rahul Malhotra’.
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