Saturday, August 29, 2015

With ban imposed on mobile internet, boy in Gujarat discoveres he also has a brother

Gujarat: When under the dimlight of stars and under the shade of moon it seemed that “Patel Andolan” is not favouring the Patels, one Patel boy in Gujarat said, “This andolan has proved fruitful to me. I found that I also have a small brother of me who lives in my house only and often comes to my room.”

More and more people are discovering their loved ones after mobile internet ban in Gujarat

More and more people are discovering their loved ones after mobile internet ban in Gujarat

The whole of the media shifted its gears from Sheena Bora case to this one as this had more ingredients of a serial than Sheena Bora’s case. As the news spread far and wide, Gujarat CM Anandiben Patel set up an committee to further investigate the case so that people totally forget about the reservation issue and focus on this.

After investigations, the committee found that this was due to the ban imposed on mobile internet connections for ever since the troubles began in the state due to Patel reservation movement.

During these internet-less days, after 8 years, Keedadas Patel (real name Jignesh) came out of his room to discover his house and suddenly found a small boy playing. He was surprised to know that he also has a small brother. He exclaimed, “I have a brother!!!”

His mother said, “This step by Gujarat Govt to ban the net connections proved to be happy realization for our family. My elder son came out of Facebook and WhatsApp to have a look at our face and to ask us whatsup. Also he talked to me and his father.”

“Our son can talk!!!” This occasion is not less than festival for me,” Jignesh’s father said excitedly to this Faking News reporter.

The news soon reached Delhi. “Jignesh ke Achche din aa gaye. We are helping the families unite.” tweeted the Prime Minister.

Rahul Gandhi in no time tweeted back, “Nobody can teach Indians the importance of family that our Nehru-Gandhi family. Modiji is taking credit for things he has not deon.”

Amid all this politics, Keedadas has become a bigger youth icon than Hardik Patel. One group has suggested his name for bravery award as according to them Keedadas showed his bravery to come out of WhatsApp and Facebook for continuous 2 days.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Friday Faking Release: Raees (*ing Hardik Patel)

He brought Gujarat to a standstill with his protests, demanding reservation for Patels. It’s not an ordinary feat to shake up the administration. It requires a shrewd mind and tons of daring. No one else could have played this character better than Hardik Patel. Presenting this weeks Friday Faking Release: Raees starring Hardik Patel in lead role.

raees hardik patel

Man becomes an expert salsa dancer after years of navigating Mumbai traffic

Mumbai: While most people may complain about the traffic in Mumbai, one person at least is happy and credits the traffic in the city for making him an expert in salsa.

Want to learn Salsa? try Mumbai traffic

Want to learn Salsa? try Mumbai traffic

Rakesh Sinha, who works for an FMCG company based in Mumbai spoke to FN reporter on how the Mumbai traffic transformed a man with two left feet, into a dancing expert.

He said, “I came to Mumbai 5 years back and joined an FMCG company as a salesman. My job required me to travel to different parts of the city and most of my travelling was on foot. I remember how scared I was during my initial days when I had to cross the road. I used to wait for the signal to turn red and cars to stop. But the slow moving traffic just wouldn’t  let me cross the road.”

“I observed how people jumped in front of vehicles and navigated their way. Its not just the cars, people have to navigate potholes, cows and bikers who squeeze through narrow gaps. All this has to be done simultaneously. I realized I was good at this and soon my moves got better,” he added.

Rakesh also remembers how girls who wouldn’t even look at him previously, now fall all over him after watching his dancing skills. “I don’t think I have to tell you that women have a thing for guys who can dance. I find it irresistibly attractive,” said a lady standing next to Rakesh.

His colleagues at work too prefer calling him ‘salsaman’ than ‘salesman’.

Inspired by his own success, Rakesh is planning to take his dancing skills further. He has already quit his company and is planning to start his own ‘Salsa class’.

“Yes, the classes will start pretty soon. They will not be held in closed rooms.  I will teach my students the same way I learnt it, by navigating mumbai traffic,” said Rakesh.

When asked about permission from traffic authorities he said, “I wouldn’t really worry about them. There wont be any issues as long as they get their cut. I am also planning to dig more potholes and involve more cows as my students progress from intermediate to expert level.”

Seems like nothing will dampen the spirit of this ‘salsaman’, not even the fact that just like twitter, most men join salsa class looking to get hooked to women.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Find solution for call drops soon because everyone cannot afford to go abroad for taking important calls: PMO

New Delhi: Recently PM Modi wanted to review party’s preparation for upcoming Bihar assembly polls. As this was planned with a short notice, PMO secretary had to work overtime to reach everyone as most of the calls were not either getting connected or before the message could be conveyed, calls were getting dropped.

PM Modi indicating how call drop are becoming a headache for everyone

PM Modi indicating how call drops are becoming a headache for everyone

Thanks to relatively better and more reliable data network, PMO secretary used WhatsApp to reach some of the techno savvy ministers and for some whose mobile is turned off round the clock, he had to go to television studios to spot them and convey the message.

During his meeting with PM, PMO Secretary highlighted how call drops have become a serious threat for this government apart from Hardik Patel and onion price hike.

On the state of data services PMO Secretary said, “Our data network is still quite reliable as right now many cannot afford it. As per our research, we do not anticipate there would be much problem in next 5 years for data services like uploading selfies, posting tweets or comments on social networking sites.”

When PM expressed his surprise how come he has not experienced any such problem personally? PMO officials politely conveyed, “Sir, as you are travelling a lot, you have not got enough opportunity to use India’s telecom network. Another point is most of us in PMO use BSNL network which is not used by many in metropolis like New Delhi. People are afraid to use BSNL as it takes lot of effort to get the sim-card and after that if any problem comes, there is no one to help them. As call density is too low, limited number of people are left with BSNL sim cards, so we do not see that many call drops.”

Without wasting a minute, PM called heads of the telecom companies and told them to do whatever is needed. During the meeting, few suggestions came to discourage people using only mobile calls.

Also, some suggested that government should help entrepreneurs to re-open the STD booths, give subsidy to lower cost of landline calls, keep post offices open round the clock, restart telegram service, and basically do whatever is needed to counter this serious threat.

Telecom companies also were of the opinion that it will be better to prioritize the calls where call drops can have devastating impact and they have to brainstorm to come up with a mechanism to identify such calls.

After initial round of discussion some of the calls which were proposed to be upgraded to priority call level were, husband calling his wife during grocery shopping or wife calling husband to update on the neighborhood happenings. Any call between boyfriend and girlfriend will always remain under priority calls category.

During all these discussion one of the senior executive sitting there was busy attending his first round of job interview through Facebook chat. After he cleared the first round, the US based MNC wanted a tele-conference as part of second round interview to take it forward.

Afraid of call drops, the executive booked one evening flight ticket to Kathmandu so that he can attend the call peacefully without any anxiety next day.

Hardik Patel fails to get reservation on IRCTC, followers burn laptops, chew LAN cables

Ahmedabad: Leader and visionary of reservation-loving youth Hardik Patel in a press conference has lashed out at Indian Railways for not letting him get a reservation through IRCTC website.

Hardik Patel gives 1 day ultimatum to IRCTC for his ticket reservation.

Hardik Patel gives 1 day ultimatum to IRCTC for his ticket reservation.

“Even after trying for 3 hours at a stretch I was not able to book 3 berths in 3rd AC. I was so fedup that I threw the laptop in the flames of the bus which our brothers had just burnt,” Hardik fumed in anger and told reporters. He further told reporters that he had to then book 3 business class airline tickets using his iPhone 6 using his platinum credit card.

After sipping his Diet-Pepsi he further threatened, “If IRCTC does not let me book tickets, I will ask my millionaire NRI Patel brothers to not invest in coal mines in India anymore. No investment, no workers, no coal, no rails. Further we will not even supply a single drop of milk to railways. Good luck to railway passengers with no cups of semi-cold tea-coffee during those long rail journeys.”

Hardik’s followers were apparently so outraged at his not getting a reservation at IRCTC website that they took out their anger on anything remotely related to websites and internet. They ended up ravaging 2 cyber-cafes, 3 laptop showrooms and 5 computer accessories shops where they burned numerous laptops, crushed hard-disks and even chewed LAN cables. No arrests however have been made in this case as yet.

However the repercussions of this incident were felt throughout the country. A lot of secular liberal political leaders have come in Hardik’s support after this incident. They have condemned IRCTC for depriving a poor minority of his rights to commute at reasonable prices and forcing him to travel business class.

Meanwhile, AAP leader Arvind Kejriwal has sent his party worker to Gujarat to have talks with Hardik Patel and check if providing WiFi to Gujarat will solve the problem.

1000 supporters of Asaram Bapu to undergo nose surgery, demand parole for Bapuji

Rajasthan: Around 1000 supporters of beleaguered godman Asaram Bapu are planning to undergo a mass nose surgery and subsequently demand parole for bapuji.

Asaram Bapu checking if his nose too requires a surgery

Asaram Bapu checking if his nose too requires a surgery

Apparently, supporters decided to undergo mass surgery after Sanjay Dutt got parole to attend to his daughter who is set to undergo nose surgery later this month.

Speaking to Faking News a supporter of Asaram Bapu said, “Sanjay Dutt gets parole on request while an innocent saint like Bapuji is held captive and tortured. So we are planning to undergo a mass nose surgery and demand release of Bapuji. If Sanjay Dutt can get parole for 30 days for daughter’s surgery then we are also sons and daughters of Bapuji, he should get parole for 30,000 days. Bapuji is like a father figure to us in fact he is more than that. We may have fights and disagreements with our father but we never disagree with Bapuji.”

Some supporters have already put in an application for parole of 30,000 days in a bid to get the godman out of the confines of Rajasthan jail. Jail authorities, fed up the antics of the followers have now stopped paying heed to any request.

“They are trying all they can. When the Salman Khan case was in news and he managed to evade jail, these followers dressed up Asaram Bapu like Salman Khan. They made him wear Being Human T-shirt hoping that charges against bapuji will be dropped and he can walk free.”

The authorities may not pay heed, but supporters are refusing to relent. As usual they latched on to twitter to garner support for bapuji. Hasthtags like ‘WhyNoParoleForBapuji’ was already trending. Supporters were also planning to upload before and after selfies of their nose surgery.

Meanwhile, Subramaniam Swami, legal counsel for Asaram Bapu, has also agreed to be part of the mass surgery. But supporters are not very upbeat about his involvement.

“He was supposed to plead for Bapuji’s bail in court but didn’t turn up for the court proceedings on four consecutive occasions. We feel he may not turn up here too,” said a supporter.

Pakistan cancels next three NSA level talks with India which are not even scheduled

Islamabad, Pakistan: A proactive Pakistan has cancelled the next three NSA level talks with India.  After taking due permission from ISI to make the announcement, Pakistan’s NSA Mr. Sartaj Aziz himself announced this today in a press conference.

Mr. Aziz flummoxed by a scribe’s question during the press conference.

Mr. Aziz flummoxed by a scribe’s question during the press conference.

As usual with any media interaction on subject involving India, the press conference was crowded, with Mr. Aziz himself being the lone government representative, a dozen or so from the ISI and rest being representatives from all the 48 registered terrorist organizations and guerrilla armies, altogether making a bunch of about sixty people. Of course, there were three people from the media too.

The initial announcement was of cancellation of the next two NSA level talks with India, but the ISI representative in the meeting asked Mr. Aziz midway, to change it to three and hence the cancellation of next three meets.

One of the three journalists present, who had never seen India and therefore very much wanted to travel to India to cover any NSA level talks, was disappointed. He asked, “Sir, the talks haven’t even been scheduled. So why are you cancelling them? What is the reason?”

A beaming Mr. Aziz explained, “Good question. We are a proactive government.” When some others on his side of the table cast glances at him, he continued, “I mean we are a proactive country. Unlike India,” and then, referring to a piece of paper in his hand, said, “We actually do not want to cancel the talks. We want peace with India, but on our conditions. If Indians allow me to take this whole contingent with me for the talks, we will not cancel the next NSA meet. If they allow these friends of mine to carry arms with them, we will definitely have the second one too.”

“What about the third?” asked one inquisitive journalist. As cancellation of the third meet was added to the agenda later on, Mr. Aziz was not prepared to answer this question. He looked at the ISI chief seated next to him, who whispered something in Mr. Aziz’s ears and then he replied, “If the uncooperative Indians do not allow our peace loving patriots to stage terrorist attacks on their soil, we will cancel the third meet. The decision is left to the India. The ball is in their court.”

The press conference then ended with Mr. Aziz getting thrown out by the others. Mr. Aziz exited, himself happy that the mission was accomplished, that of keeping the rest of the establishment happy.