Tuesday, November 25, 2014

After engineering, two college buddies on the verge of break-up as long distance relationship not working for them

Bangalore/Delhi. Two years after completing engineering, college buddies Arpit and Anoop are on the verge of break-up, as long distance relationship is not working for them.

After passing out of college in 2012, while Arpit joined a company in Bangalore, Anoop moved to Delhi. To begin with, their friendship was going quite well and it appeared distance doesn’t matter if friendship is too strong.


“Don’t worry dude, I am here to party with you”

However, down the line, due to not being physically together in the same city, things started falling apart.

“We weren’t getting quality time to spend together and to do random stupid things. No smoking together, no drinking together. Man, it’s getting really tough to maintain the same level of rapport with Anoop,” said Arpit while explaining reasons behind weakening of bond with Anoop, “Doing such crazy things together works as adhesive and makes the bonding even stronger.”

It’s not like both of them didn’t give each other a chance to bring back the estranged relationship on track.

“In the last two years, we met couple of times and even partied together. But, that was a temporary fix, and its effect ended within two to three weeks,” Arpit continued adding that, Prateek, Anoop’s current flatmate in Delhi, unknowingly played a big role in making the situation even worse.

“Whenever I call Anoop, he says he is partying with Prateek. He promises to call me back in couple of hours, but he calls only the next day,” Arpit told Faking News, “It seems me and Anoop are not anymore best of friends, now Prateek is in between us.”

Last weekend, a perplexed Arpit finally messaged Anoop, which read, “We need to talk.”

When we asked Anoop about his failing relationship with Arpit, he said, both of them were running out of topics to talk about.

“Whenever I used call him, he had nothing much to say. All he kept saying was ‘Aur batao bhai, kya haal hai ?’ Earlier we used to talk for hours, but now, not more than 10 minutes. Now, we don’t even talk about the plans that we made in college,” said Anoop while explaining his side of the story, “I think both of us need to move on in our lives.”

Monday, November 24, 2014

Kinley’s “Boond Boond Mein Sacchai” ad more suitable for a liquor brand than mineral water: Experts

Mumbai. Although, Kinley’s recently launched ad campaign, ‘Boond Boond Mein Sacchai‘ is being appreciated by viewers, many believe the advertisement would have been more appropriate for a liquor brand that a mineral water brand.

The 47 second long commercial shows a girl sitting in Lonavala, drinking Kinley mineral water at night and calling her father to tell the truth that she had lied to him and currently she is in Lonavala with her friends, all because she felt the need to do so after drinking Kinley.


Strange behavior

First thing which experts are complaining about is the situation and the choice of bottle in hand.

“When you are young and with your friends at some hill station, a bottle of water is the last thing you expect in someone’s hand, that too at night,” explains a top marketing executive Vikas Dutta, “If you watch the commercial, you will say to yourself, if I would have been at that location, I would have not wasted such a lovely night filling my stomach with water.”

Further criticizing the ad, Vikas says the ad goes against the general belief that people say truth after drinking alcohol.

“Who says truth after drinking water? As a matter of fact, the more you mix water to your alcohol peg, the more dilute it will be and consequently you will end up hiding your feelings. So, water has kind of negative effect when it comes to giving you courage to say the truth,” Vikas told Faking News adding that a liquor bottle in hand of the girl would have been a more logical option.

However, creators of the commercial argue that no matter how drunk a person is, he/she will never call his/her father after getting drunk, hence the story is not fit for a liquor brand.

But, critics say, Kinley ad creators are undermining the power of a drunk person.

“Many daredevils are out there who do such crazy things,” rued Prateek, an advertising professional who claimed he himself had once called his father after getting drunk, as one of his friends had dared him to take up this challenge in ‘Truth & Dare’ game.

“A drunk son or daughter telling some truth to his/her father, all because of liquor would have been a path breaking ad campaign. The same commercial with liquor bottle instead of mineral water would have changed the definition of father and young children relationship in Indian middle class, which as of now is not that friendly,” reasoned Prateek.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Man who quit gym in three days reveals, “I just wanted new shoes”

New Delhi: 28-year-old James Lazly who quit the gym after just three days revealed today that he joined the gym just because he wanted new shoes and his wife was not letting him buy a pair.

“She’s got 22 pair of shoes which she doesn’t even wear but when I asked her to buy one for me she started preaching about how we’re always running out of budget. Sadly, we never agree on anything and I know that it’s an astrological thing. After all, I’m a Libra and she is a bitch. That’s when this idea of joining gym struck me,” James Lazly told Faking News.


“I am genius”

Apparently, Lazly convinced his wife that he is joining the gym and he’s going to be productive like never before. And his poor wife bought him a new pair of shoes, a track suit, a carry bag and a new water bottle the very next day.

“I didn’t know it was his plan to buy new things. Look, Lazly is originally from Mexico and you know how lazy Mexican people are as anyone who can run, walk, swim or do any damn thing that requires you to move your ass has already crossed the border. I was just happy that he decided to work-out and be productive,” Lazly’s wife said with a sigh.

“Earlier whenever I told him to try and lose weight he’d wake up early and start watching inappropriate videos of Bipasha Basu and Shilpa Shetty. Joining the gym was at least a better idea,” she further added.

When asked how he spent three days in the gym, Lazly said, “Well, there was a quote written in their office that kept me motivated for three days.”

“You’ve paid in advance and we offer no refund. These were the words of wisdom that made me move my ass constantly for three days,” Lazly stated.

“I didn’t lose any of my weight. All I lost was my sleep and my money. It was okay but things went completely out of hand when they told me that they don’t know of any exercise that helps you enlarge your penis. It broke my heart and I decided to quit from the fourth day,” Lazly further added.

When asked why he didn’t take inspiration from the people who lose weight and look good like the new Adnan Sami and continued the gym, Lazly said, “What new Adnan Sami, he doesn’t even look like Adnan Sami anymore.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do with this membership card but I think it’s a cool gadget to scratch your back,” Lazly said smiling.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Engineering student walks into law college, has heart attack on seeing so many girls

Bhopal. Earlier this week, on his way to the campus doctor for the stomach trouble he’s been facing because of all the years in school and college he’s spent wearing his pants up to his chest, Arvind Parikkar, a 3rd year Mechanical Engineering student of CHAMPU (Chanakya Himachal Andhra Madhya Pradesh University), fell off his Activa as he was driving it through the law college.

His body hit the ground as the Activa skidded off into a corner, hitting Ram Kumar Bihari’s omelette and maggi stand.


Onlookers say Arvind’s facial expression was almost like this.

A crowd of onlookers assembled on the spot and surrounded him, as his carefully pressed and ironed trousers and shirts got dusty and the 95 pens he kept in his pocket flew all over the place.

The crowd stopped the emergency medical care that arrived in the form of a rickshaw and a medical student who insists on everyone calling him ‘doctor’. After the crowd dispersed upon realizing he was an engineering student and not a law student who would make a scene shouting out ways in which he planned to sue mother Earth for the fall, the medical student and the rickshaw wallah took him to the campus doctor.

The campus doctor tested his vital signs, gave him the essentials of life like a pen drive filled with Game of Thrones Season 1 and a laptop to watch it on, and put him under observation.

The doctor told us that it was an acute case of virgin-itis, where the patient, having never seen more than 5 women in his entire life, and those too only aunties who pulled his cheeks when his Board marks came out, saw, upon entering the law college, 2 girls walking and talking on the sidewalk; on going further saw 3-4 more girls sitting on the lawn chatting and finally suffered his heart attack when, upon turning he corner, he saw a girl and a girl holding hands and cuddling with each other, upon seeing which his breathing got shallower and he started seeing stars in the daylight.

The doctor says that the patient has all the normal symptoms of virgin-itis, such as being an engineering student, protesting against couples holding hands and kissing in public in groups with others afflicted with the disease out of jealousy and messaging women he had never met on Facebook with a ‘hi…..’.

The doctor has put him under observation for 24 hours, at the end of which he will be shown reassuring photos of college labs filled with only boys and academic buildings with no girl toilets so that he may be able to return to his life suffering no major follow up complexities.

His stomach infection is also being looked into. He is currently only being served, in accordance with the Kumar Vishwas Yuva Swasth Yojana, by nurses from Kerela.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Friday faking release: Na Ghar Ke Na Ghaat Ke

Ranjit Sinha unfazed by SC decision, says mentally he was already removed from 2G probe

New Delhi. CBI Director Ranjit Sinha today remained unfazed by Supreme Court’s decision to remove him from the 2G case investigation.

Expressing no emotion over SC’s move, Sinha claimed that he was mentally already removed from the 2G probe and thus the decision of the apex court doesn’t affect him at all.

Ranjit Sinha

A relieved Ranjit Sinha

“Life goes on normal for me. I had long detached myself from the case, which was quite evident from the way it was progressing. I am happy SC took notice of it and did what they felt was needed,” Ranjit claimed.

When asked that doesn’t he feel humiliated to be kicked out of a case just 12 days before he is set to retire, he said,” Had I been too much dedicated to the case, I would have felt bad, but it’s been years now and believe me, I don’t even remember the case details.”

“Also having worked closely with Ex Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh, I have kind of become immune to humiliation and such small things don’t embarrass or affect me any longer,” Sinha quickly added.

Now that Ranjit is set to retire, many reputed zoos from across the country are offering him a accommodation.

“Once a caged parrot, always a caged parrot,” a Zoo in charge quipped when asked about the logic behind their offer.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Employee with unused sick leaves knows when exactly he is going to fall ill as 2014 moves towards end

Mumbai. As year 2014 moves towards end, Doordarshi Kumar, an IT employee in his mid twenties with around 5 unused sick leaves this year, is claiming that he knows on what exact dates he is going to fall ill in the next 40 days.

However, Doordarshi refuses to reveal all the dates. He says he reveal those to his boss at proper time.


“Yes, I am going to fall ill, on paper.”

“Just to make you guys believe that I am not lying, as of now all I can disclose is that I will be having fever on Friday,” Doordarshi told Faking News, adding that fortunately it will make his weekend an extended weekend, “But, it’s just a coincidence, nothing more.”

As per Doordarshi, with his psychic abilities, he feeling even more powerful than Nostradamus.

“Unlike Nostradamus, I not only make prophecies, but I am also capable of rescheduling my illness related prophecies. For example, the fever that I will be suffering from on Friday, was initially scheduled for Tuesday. Then I thought, maybe a fever on Tuesday would hamper my Wednesday’s work, that’s why I preponed it to Friday,” Doordarshi described how with great powers come great responsibilities.

“I hope, my boss would we be happy to know how much I care about work. I am getting a feeling that I will remain sick for around 7 days in the remaining 40 days of this year. But with only 5 sick leaves in hand, I need to plan it more properly,” Doordarshi further added.

On being asked how he was feeling after realizing that fever was coming towards him on Friday, Doordarshi said that he was looking forward to it.

“I am all set to face the demon. And you know what, I am not afraid of it. In fact, I am going to celebrate my illness in Goa. As I am knowing all this in advance, I have already composed an email which I will be sending to my boss to inform him about my fever,” a charged up Doordarshi presented his mature side. “Sometimes dropping sick leave mail works faster than medicine.”

Meanwhile, after coming to know about Doordarshi’s secret powers, many residents of his housing society have started requesting him to predict when they were going to fall ill.