Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Girl asks boyfriend to buy her a Xiaomi mobile from Flipkart to prove his love

New Delhi. In an out of the box test of love and bonding, a local girl Priya Tyagi has asked his boyfriend to buy her a Xiaomi mobile from e-commerce website Flipkart.


Xiaomi mobiles, which are available only on Flipkart are infamous for getting sold out in just few seconds. While this has resulted into rumors of the website indulging in some scam or gimmick for publicity, the incident has prompted Priya to use it as a test to check strength of his boyfriend’s love for her.


Couple

“How about a real star instead of Xiaomi mobile?”



“He often claims to bring the stars and the moon for me. But, I am being very reasonable and asking only for a mobile,” argued Priya, “It’s time for him to walk the talk.”


However, sources close to Priya say that there could be another possible reason behind Priya’s over the top demand.


“A weeks back, one of her friends, Pooja, was gifted a Xiaomi mobile by her boyfriend. And Pooja kept telling Priya that considering the effort her boyfriend put to buy it, it made the mobile even more precious than the iPhone which Priya was carrying,” revealed a source, “This made Priya feel very insulted. Suddenly she started hating her much better Apple product, that too for a Chinese Apple product.”


On the other hand, no matter how seemingly impossible Priya’s demand is, her boyfriend Prem is ready to fulfill it.


“I am taking up the challenge to not win only Priya’s heart, but to win her father’s heart too,” said Prem, adding that Priya’s father was looking for a suitable boy for her who must have cleared some tough competitive exam.


“Around 2,00,000 customers had registered for the sale with only 20,000 pieces on offer. Getting this mobile is tougher than clearing IIT-JEE. While asking for Priya’s hand from her father, this feat of buying a Xiaomi will certainly compensate for my local engineering college degree,” an optimistic Prem claimed.



Inspired by Sheila Dixit, former cricketers resign from commentary to play again

Mumbai. Sheila Dikshit’s resignation from the post of Governor of Kerala seems to have inspired the recently retired lot of Indian cricketers who had a long and illustrious career. Many of those are now planning to come out of retirement.


Some of these retired cricketers, who later took up commentary like an engineer takes up MBA right after Engineering, now are nursing ambitions of donning Indian colors once again, just as Sheila Dikshit is being expected to lead Congress in upcoming Delhi assembly elections after resignation as governor.


“It is very much obvious. Why else would she resign from a post which is already an alternate resignation?” argued an ex-cricketer when told that Sheila was yet to confirm her return to Delhi Congress.


Last day as commentators?

Last day as commentators?



Currently Indian cricket is in a very pathetic condition, which makes them comparable to Congress’ Delhi unit after Sheila Dikshit’s exit. These former cricketers feel that like the former Delhi CM, they too can revive in fortunes of the Indian cricket team.


Some of them also pointed to the unceremonious exit they had to endure a`la Sheila Dikshit.


“We too had to retire under severe public and media scrutiny following some disastrous overseas tours. We were made scapegoat just like Sheila ji was made for Delhi’s poor performance in assembly elections,” explained former fast bowler Ajit Agarkar, who is all set to come back as the lead fast bowler and solve all of India’s pace bowling woes.


However, just as the news reached Indian team in England, captain MS Dhoni rubbished the report and claimed that current set of players are still very much the boss and would carry on playing till next world cup in Australia.


Dhoni further pointed out that Sheila Dixit’s example can’t be applied in Indian team because India was not Pakistan, where retirement is a joke and a cricketer can retire and come out of it as many number of times he wants.


Meanwhile tainted cricketer Sreesanth, who himself is facing charges of corruption just like Sheila Dixit, is also hoping to make a comeback like the former governor of his state Kerala.


“Sheila ji’s comeback gives me a hope that just like people seem to have overlooked her involvement in Commonwealth scam; fans would have gotten over spot fixing scandal as well,” Sree quipped.



Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Taking a cue from BJP, BCCI drops Fletcher as coach, makes him “Marg Darshak”

Mumbai. Taking a cue from BJP’s decision where veteran leaders like Advani, Joshi, Vajpayee have been dropped from Parliamentary Board and instead made members of a separate body called Marg Darshak Mandal, BCCI has done something similar with coach Duncan Fletcher.


Fletcher has been made Marg Darshak of team India for the ongoing ODI series against England. But, experts believe that it might be plan B of BCCI, as post team’s pathetic performance in recently concluded test series Fletcher didn’t voluntarily resign from coach’s position.


Fletcher

“Is it a promotion?”



However, BCCI has clarified that the decision is not an attempt to belittle Fletcher’s importance, but rather a well thought move to use his vast coaching experience in a more efficient way.


“Marg Darshak is a really big position, way bigger than what media is interpreting it to be. Coach and Director are nothing in front of him. Fletcher will be more like a respected guru,” BCCI secretary Sanjay Patel told Faking News adding that Fletcher’s new job will be spiritual in nature.


“Every morning, Fletcher will be giving a cricket related discourse for 15 minutes teaching team members how to play better cricket,” Sanjay Patel continued.


Revealing future plans, a BCCI official further revealed that if players like Rohit Sharma and Kohli remained consistent with their current form they would be made Assistant Marg Darshak.


“Fletcher is 65 years old, they will assist him in conducting morning discourses,” he explained.



Boy impresses girl by seamlessly placing a complex pizza order at the pizza shop

Lucknow. Pintu, a cool dude in his early twenties impressed a local girl at the city pizza shop by seamlessly placing a complex pizza order without fumbling or stopping even for a second, and that too in slightly Italian accent.


Last evening Pintu with couple of his friends was at Pizza Ghar to celebrate a his birthday, where this incident took place.


Impress Girl

“Wow, you even know names of all the sauces they have at Subway. I am impressed.”



“He walked up to the counter confidently and placed the most complicated and elaborate order I had ever heard with such a great panache, that everyone who heard him was simply amazed,” recalled Pinky, who was standing next to Pintu at the counter.


“He ordered half the BBQ Chicken with pineapple and the other half with peppers and something else which was so complex that I can’t even repeat that. I was in awe of his awareness about pizza names, toppings and dips. And his pronunciation was flawless! I was so lucky to be standing beside him,” Pinky narrated the most delicious experience she had at the pizza shop.


“He was class apart and reminded me of James Bond ordering a Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred,” an impressed Pinky concluded, further revealing that she had immediately asked Pintu for an autograph.


While everyone is amazed and in awe of him, Pintu says that it’s nothing new for him and such incidents happen with him on regular basis. But it’s not like he was always like this.


“Till a couple of years back I was a like a every other normal person, feeling shy of placing complicated pizza orders. I usually gave the task of ordering pizza to one of my friends, who was well aware of all the pizza related mumbo jumbo,” Pintu told Faking News.


“I still remember how I embarrassed I used to feel after seeing the counter sales boy speaking more confidently than me!” Pintu recalled his gloomy old days, “Once my girlfriend ditched me for one of such counter sales boy, as she thought he was more hip and cool than me.”


It was then, that Pintu decided to take charge of his life and emerge a winner. Pintu’s close friends say that a heartbroken Pintu memorized all pizza bases, topping names, their combinations, and even names of Italian cities. To further polish his knowledge, he finally joined a pizza shop for a month as a sales boy.


Although considered a complete man now, Pintu is still hungry for perfection. Latest reports suggest that he has already started working hard to achieve mastery over memorizing product catalogs and seamless pronunciation of high end luxury brands like Louis Vuitton, Hermes and Christian Dior.



Man applying for position of sales executive shocked after he was not asked to sell pen in the interview

A 24 year old man applying for position of sales executive in an MNC was shocked after he was not asked to sell pen or pencil even once during the entire selection process.


Bechmaar Ojha, who is academically an engineer and has done MBA in finance and operations, had taken the natural progression to go for a sales job during campus recruitment in his MBA institute last year.


Sell-Me-This-Pen

Bechmaar was reading this before interview.



Being a true blue sales professional, he left his first job within 9 months and applied for a sales vacancy in an MNC.


Reportedly there were 4 rounds of interviews for that position, spanning over 2 weeks, which was going to pay 3 lakh pa.


“They didn’t ask me to sell pen in even one of those 4 interviews. Neither did they ask me any other technical or work related question,” Bechmaar Ojha recalled the interview.


“The interview was so relaxed that for a moment it seemed as if I had applied for some HR related position,” he went on to reveal.


Bechmaar, who had rigorously practiced selling a pen as a part of his preparation, at one point became so frustrated that he deliberately took out pen from his pocket and started waving it as if trying to divert interviewer’s attention towards it.


“I was giving them benefit of doubt and thought they might have forgotten to ask what is considered a scared question in any sales interview,” he explained.


The man is now having doubts if he should accept the job as he fears the financial condition of the company may not be that good.


“Well if the management couldn’t even afford a pencil for a sales interview, I doubt if they will be able to pay salaries and incentives on time,” Bechmaar argued.


Faking News also tried to get in touch with the HR and the sales head, who confirmed the news.


“We stopped asking people to sell pen in interview after a rather bad experience, where a candidate who was able to convince us into buying 10 pens, couldn’t even achieve 25% of his targets month after month,” the sales head told Faking News.



Monday, August 25, 2014

Indian team starts practicing after being left with no one else to blame for poor peformance

Left with no option but to sweat it out.

Left with no option but to sweat it out.



England. After blaming pitches, coaches, IPL, ICC, weather, wives, girlfriends, children, distant relatives, rabbits, etc., Indian cricket team has finally started focusing on improving their cricket as they remotely feel there could be some problems with their way of playing as well, besides above mentioned factors.


“It was only yesterday, when we realized that we were left with absolutely nothing else to lay blame for our future defeats on. So we finally decided to start practicing,” the team’s official spokesperson confirmed.


“Ravi bhai (the team’s new director cum elder brother Ravi Shastri) had even tried if he could some how link the team’s batting troubles with Iraq’s ISIS and bowling woes with Hamas. But, later he gave up as the team’s problems seem to be more complicated than the militant groups,” the spokesperson added.


When asked why the wives and girlfriends of players were asked to leave, he reasoned, “If the team is failing continuously, some one needs to take the responsibility and move out.”


Duncan Fletcher was not available for comment.



AAP to file RTI to know where the deposit money forfeited by them is being used

New Delhi. After having contributed massive amount of money through forfeiture of deposit in elections so far, AAP has now filed an RTI to know how and where is the money being used by the Election Commission.


Soon after AAP’s candidate lost his deposit in the just concluded Patiala by-elections, it struck their Stats Specialist Yogendra Yadav, that the party must have contributed of lot through this fashion by now.


He immediately did a quick internal survey and found that AAP as a party has made tremendous contribution to the exchequer by not just losing elections but losing them badly enough.


Arvind showing an estimate of the total amount AAP may have forfeited in deposits by now.

Arvind showing an estimate of the total amount AAP may have forfeited in deposits by now.



“We have contributed so much in the form of deposit forfeiture in both Lok Sabha and by-polls, that we want to know if that money is being used for welfare of people; if any subsidies are being given through that money or not,” Yogendra Yadav explained the reason behind filing an RTI.


“We have solid evidence that suggests that our money is being consumed by corrupt bureaucrats and politicians of BJP,” Yadav went on to claim.


Yadav however argued that losing deposit was a positive sign and showed how patriotic AAP as a party was.


“Shame on other political parties, specifically the BJP, who have probably made the lowest contribution towards losing deposits,” senior leader Ashutosh pointed out, “This once again proves that Modi is a heartless autocrat who doesn’t care for poor people.”


“We promise to work hard and continue serving more aam aadmis through this manner, even if it requires losing more elections,” Ashutosh further announced, amidst loud cheers from volunteers and supporters gathered at Jantar Mantar and Twitter.


Ashutosh further claimed that such forfeiture of deposits by AAP has led to increase in GDP of the country and hence it was AAP that was bringing the acche din promised by BJP.


When pointed out by our reporter that he was being theoretically incorrect and GDP doesn’t grow like that, he labelled him a paid agent of Modi.


Meanwhile after filing RTI, AAP is now wondering whether it should mock BJP for its relatively poor performance in Bihar by-polls. Sources tell Faking News that BJP is planning to do the same and Twitter could see the mockery later today.