Friday, November 27, 2015

After spending 4 hours trying hundreds of expensive dresses at mall, girl finally buys two pink hair clips

Hyderabad: A girl named Sonika Sutneja who is an arts student at a local University blew the daylights out of 7 salesmen at Inorbit mall yesterday when she and her friend Ayesha Khatun tried various expensive dresses for almost 4 hours along with matching bags, earrings and other accessories but ended up buying only 2 small hair clips.

Anybody feels sorry for the salesman?

Anybody feels sorry for the salesman?

The salesmen apparently did not take the gigantic waste of their time very well but could utter a single word in spirit of customer experience.

Salesman Animesh (name changed) spoke to us on conditions of anonymity and said, “They wasted 4 hours of our time. The tried tank tops, tube tops, skirts, scarfs, stoles, matching bags, purses, earrings what not? We thought they are some “fat party” and are going to spend thousands with us today. But know what? They finally said “Kuch pasand nahi aya?” and only bought two pink hair clips worth 22 rupees. We were like “what the hell”, but could not say anything.”

Another sales-women Salima also echoed same sentiments, “Hau re, kya hauli pottiyan thi re wo. We could have done lakhs of sales during those peak hours but they just kept 6-7 of us totally engaged. Bring me this bring me that, matching this matching that. Keep this on one side, keep that on one side. We were bearing their “nakhras” for full 4 hours and in return we expected atleast 20 to 30 thousand of shopping. But they just bought 2 hair clips? Main boli in loga ko ye bhi free me de daalo.

Veteran Psychologist and expert on women psychology Dr. Suresh Streemann provided more insights into this incident. He said, “Trying on various new clothes provides a sense of instant gratification to the primitive animal inside women. As soon as they enter a retail shop the primitive animal inside them awakens and they start collecting various disguises for this animal. When they look at themselves in the mirror, dressed up in various different clothes they are just living different lives in those moments. They imagine themselves in their own mind-palaces, their own hanging-castles. And when their desire of living these multiple lives is satisfied, they finally come out of the trial room with a sense of pseudo-achievement. The primitive animal inside them goes back to sleep and they become normal human beings again.”

Adventure lovers can now have Ladakh like terrain experience on Bangalore roads: Karnataka Tourism

Bangalore: This is the new tagline for Karnataka Tourism who is working hard to make road conditions similar to Ladakh.

Experience Ladakh like terrain on Bangalore roads now

Experience Ladakh like terrain on Bangalore roads now

“We observed that the road issues are a regular problem in Bangalore during rains. Even when we fix it, the repaired roads don’t last a week. So this time instaed of repairing the roads, we decided to get revnue out of it,” the Mayor of Bangalore B.N Manjunanth Reddy said.

Every year many people drive to Ladakh, as it is one of the most difficult terrains one can encounter in the country. However, most of them lack proper training.

Also, there are many people in South India , who want the Ladakh experience but do not have the time to drive down to the North.

Another major attraction for these people is the Bellandur lake. The Bellandur lake has been foaming for years, and with the recent rains, it is giving an experience comparable to most snow clad regions.

This gives the people who are going to Ladakh an idea of what to expect and how to drive in the snow. As most of them are not prepared for the smell near the lake, they end up buying gas masks from the nearby medical shop which is doing great business thanks to the lake.

For the adventure lovers, Bangalore has become the top destination. People are driving down from the neighboring states to try out their skills in Bangalore.

Those who do not have their own cars, are going for self drive rentals, as they are not permitted in Ladakh after the recent attacks by locals in Ladakh.

Other than the income generated by the tourism, the government is also making money by stopping the Non Karnataka vehicles and asking them to pay a lifetime tax.

“Instead of spending crores on repairing the pot holes, we have made Bangalore a adventure destination and are making crores from it,” the relations officer from Shantinagar RTO said.

Other than the off-road experience, Bangalore has a very beneficial position. For people who want more experience, can drive down to Chennai, to wade through the water and practice drifting through water.

The entire operation is generating a lot of revenue. The roads which were already congested, are now clogged without movement due to the tourist traffic.

Taking advantage of the bad traffic sitation, there are many new businesses that have started.
Cigeratte and tea seller Rajesh, who used to sell tea and cigerattes says that the rains are god sent for him. Earlier he used to have business only at late night when all the shops were closed.

Now, even in the day time, he is able to sell tea to those who are stuck in the traffic jams. As the traffic does not move at all, he is able to sell tea easily to all the people and even collect money after they finish the tea, all while waiting for the traffic to clear up.

Pakistani players threaten to become commentators like Rameez Raza, if India doesn’t go ahead with cricket series

Karachi: The deadlock between BCCI and PCB over the bilateral cricket series to be played between India and Pakistan is creating a mini-revolt in the Pakistani dressing room.

The question India wants to know is, Can we handle more like him?

The question India wants to know is, Can we handle more like him?

If sources are to be believed, players from the Pakistani team have threatened to become commentators like Rameez Raza if the Indo-Pak series is cancelled.

Some Pakistani players were seen carrying wordlists along with their cricket kits. Others were seen listening to Rameez Raza’s commentary on their smartphones in a bid to brush up their English speaking skills.

Veteran players like Shahid Afridi were more vocal and urged PCB to give BCCI a deadline on this issue.

Speaking to Faking News reporter, Shahid Afridi said, “It’s been so long since we played IPL. We are literally jobless most of the year. Players have a shelf life; if not cricket then we may have to turn to commentary. Shoaib ko dekh lo. Usko kaha angrezi aati hai. Uss aadmi ka caliber nahi hai. Aadha time to woh India me rehta hai. Lekin life bhi enjoy kar raha hai aur kama bhi raha hai.

BCCI is not taking this threat lightly and hectic activity was seen at the BCCI headquarters in wake of the latest ‘threat’ from across the border.

“We could somehow manage Rameez Raza but if more players want to be in the commentary box, we will have to load up on extra cotton for our ears. We are also planning to respond with Siddhu and Kapil Paaji in case Pak players go ahead with their threat,” said a source from BCCI.

Meanwhile, PCB has strongly condemned India’s posture and accused it of not honoring the Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) between the nations by which the two countries are supposed to play bilateral series over the next 8 years.

“India’s stand is reprehensible. The constant flip-flops will hurt the game of cricket. If they cancel the cricketing series, it would amount to violation of MoU,” said PCB chief as he tried hard not to evoke any potential questions on ceasefire violations.

Bihar govt to rename Mujaffarpur as Mujaffarpore to set it on a path of development

Bihar: The Nitish led and Tejaswi backed Bihar government has decided to rename Mujaffarpur as Mujaffarpore in one of its 1st decisions after assuming power.

Nitish Kumar is all eyes to the idea of Mujjafarpore

Nitish Kumar is all eyes to the idea of Mujjafarpore

They hope to attract serious attention and hope for an increase in Mujaffarpur’s brand value. Mujaffarpur which until now is only famous for its Lychees hopes to become much more.

This move comes in the light of PM’s recent visit to Singapore and how it has been classified as near to a perfect world as it gets.

We asked one Bihar minister about this surprise move and how a name even mattered and he replied, “Well you see only name matters, if your name belongs to a minority community or to a lower caste of course you will get more respect and preference from us. Because you matter more to us and our agenda. Now tell me if our Tejaswi Yadav didn’t have the family name or the dyanstic name of a powerful leader would it have been possible for him to become the deputy CM? You see how important a name is, it makes or breaks fortunes! See how Mujaffarpur starts attracting attention after the change.”

Another leader said, “It is a very wise move, had Singapore been named Singapur would it have generated the same amount of goodwill or success? Of course not! Just see how development and FDI will start to roll in and everything will set itself right after people realise how chic modern and hot Mujaffarpore sounds. My Bangalore based kids would love it.”

When reminded by our reporter that Singapore actually became what it is due to hard work, honesty, discipline of its leaders and its citizens the Minister just laughed and exclaimed, “Budbak ho kya! Koi aur kaam dhundo!”

The Bihar government is now thinking of making Arvind Kejriwal the chief guest in the name changing ceremony where Lalu hopes Kejriwal would unknowingly sign an honesty certificate.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

ED issues notice to Aamir Khan for disproportionate shedding of tears over the last few months

New Delhi: The Enforcement Directorate (ED) has issued a notice to the Bollywood perfectionist Aamir Khan citing disproportionate shedding of tears over incidents in last few months. The situations in which Aamir had cried over incidents in the last 6-8 months were found to be emotionally dry from psychological perspective.

Glycerin working as expected

Glycerin working as expected

Aamir critics have alleged that he has been using Glycerin for producing artificial tears during various situations to turn it to his advantage and prove how emotionally high he is.

However, fans have attributed Aamir’s crying to his sensitive, soft nature and that the situations have driven him to reveal his true self to the world.

“Whenever Aamir sees someone break traffic signal, tears roll down his eyes. When he gets calls from wrong numbers, he just cannot control his emotions. In addition, he’s been crying after premiere show of every movie we’re being invited for,” said wife Keran as she continued to reveal further facts.

“He is surely reaching ‘emotional perfection’, a state of mind he decided to live up to, after earning the perfectionist tag from his fans. However, there are multiple situations where he refuses to cry though me and children end up sobbing in some situations,” she added.

One of our reporters asked her about today’s intolerance and she replied, “It is a very well known fact that intolerance could be selective. Nothing wrong with it. For example, I tolerate a cute puppy and play with it for hours but when I see a cockroach I jump up and down due to my intolerance in spite of the fact that both are tolerant living things.”

Keran requested us to keep it short as she seemed to be in hurry booking international flight tickets to escape intolerance.

Sources say that the whole idea of leaving India is to use the proven “intolerance” tool, go on a holiday and earn the required publicity before the upcoming ventures.

Meanwhile, Congress party has criticized the Govt. and said the ED notice to the bollywood star itself shows the growing levels of intolerance within the country.

Now Salman says he wants to leave India

Mumbai: With Shah Rukh Khan and Aamir Khan having courted controversy by entering the intolerance debate, Salman Khan has found his own way to raise the hackles of politicians, the media and members of his own film fraternity.

Salman contemplating moving out of the country for good

Salman contemplating moving out of the country for good

On Wednesday morning, after shooting a scene for Sultan in Karjat, Salman was caught on camera expressing his desire to leave the country. The reason: Neither intolerance, nor the beef ban, but because of the heat.

“It’s too hot these days,” he said mopping the sweat off his brow en route his trailer and added, “I’ve been talking it over with my brothers, and I might have to go to some other country.” The remark that soon found its way to TV screens across the country has swiftly knocked all the talk of intolerance off primetime news.

BJP spokesperson Nalin Kohli was the first off the mark. “Moving out of the country is a personal choice. But to tie that with the heat in India is not right. In fact, Mr Khan could have moved out in 2002 when India suffered a major nationwide drought.” When reminded that the 2002 drought occurred during NDA rule, Kohli quickly dismissed it and asked, “Well, what about the Emergency?”

Sakshi Maharaj went a step further saying, “This is the country that has given him weather warm enough to roam around shirtless and become famous for being shirtless, and now he calls it heat? The Sun is sacred to Indians and if he doesn’t like it, he can go to Siberia.”

A ‘foreign agent’ was how Shiv Sena’s Sanjay Raut described Salman, writing in a Saamana editorial that “Green energy is the need for India and solar is a big part of that. By insulting the heat, Khan has insulted the Sun, because he is trying to derail our solar power mission.” Meanwhile, an opinion piece on Firstpost asked Salman to ask himself exactly where in the world global warming wasn’t on the rise.

And could Bollywood be far behind? A few poorly-framed tweets from Kamaal R Khan later, Anupam Kher weighed in calling Salman’s remarks ‘an insult to the nation’. The veteran actor announced a protest march, scheduled for 31 May, 2016 in New Delhi, where protestors “will demonstrate how it’s not at all hot and that Salman’s claims are baseless”.

“Where is the evidence? Where is the evidence of this ‘global warming’?” raged an eminent TV news anchor, while the hashtag #SweatySalman trended across Twitter.

But support for Salman wasn’t far behind either, with Congress vice-president Rahul Gandhi expressing solidarity with the actor at a function in a Bengaluru school. “Some people say that global warming is happening all across the world. But that’s of no concern to me. A farmer I spoke to in Tera village in Raebareli district told me that it was getting hot. And I believe him.”

“You must ask the Prime Minister why air-conditioning is only for the ‘suit-boot’ crowd,” he continued, “Why can’t a common man like Salman receive air-conditioning?”

Even within the entertainment industry, there was support for Salman with all manner of former Bigg Boss contestants tweeting their support, followed by #ACforSalman. In a promotion for his upcoming film Ranbir Kapoor told CNN-IBN, “I’m not completely sure of what the issue is or why there is so much controversy, but  Salman is a good man. And he wouldn’t say something unless he believed it.” When asked for his own view on the heat imbroglio, Ranbir offered no comment.

By Wednesday evening, Salman had had enough, and addressed the media to state, “I love my country, heat, dust and all. But those gathered outside my house shouting abuse at me all day prove my point. Please give them some water; they must be dehydrated from all this terrible hea-…”

Wisely, he stopped himself.

MPs join Arnab’s classes to prepare and train for shouting as winter session of Parliament begins

New Delhi: As the winter session of the Parliament begins, MPs who have been feeling a little out of touch are reportedly attending Arnabs classes to prepare themselves for the shout fest in the coming month.

MPs take a refresher course from Arnab to brush up their shouting and screaming skills

MPs take a refresher course from Arnab to brush up their shouting and screaming skills

Many Parliament members were seen requesting Arnab to hold special classes to help them better their shouting and screaming skills.

“Yes its true, we have asked Arnab to take a few sessions so that we get a warm up exercise for our vocal chords. Its been a long time since Monsoon session ended and we are literally ‘out of touch’. There has been a lot of noise around this ‘intolerance’ issue and we need to create even more noise inside the Parliament,” said a senior leader from the opposition Congress party.

“We also need to divert attention from Rahul Gandhi’s speech at Caramel College. It was a disaster and our spokesperson had a hard time defending it on news channels. I am sure BJP has already come up with some silly Doraemon and Chhota Bheem jokes to make fun of Rahulji’s speech in the Parliament. We are planning to make a lot of noise on the ‘intolerance’ issue so that BJP doesn’t get a change to ridicule Rahulji,” he added as he frantically made enquiries about Arnab’s shouting classes.

BJP party members too were keen on getting a crash course in screaming. “There are many within BJP who excel at shouting but that special skill of ‘not letting anyone speak’ and then saying ‘that they are not answering the question’ is something which only Mr. Goswami can teach,” said a BJP MP who looked excited to be part of Arnabs class.

Meanwhile, the Editor-in-Chief was also keen on making the most of the situation. An all inclusive economy package for MPs was seen priced at 25000 Rs per head that included shouting, screaming, and facial expression.