Friday, May 13, 2016

Friday Faking Release: Golmaal (*ing Ashutosh and Narendra Modi )

Ashutosh’s tirade against Narendra Modi for forging his marksheets may not see end of the day till he finds out the curious case of NarendraDas Damodardas Modi and Narendra Kumar Damodardas Modi. In this weeks Friday Faking release check out how Ashutosh puts his investigate journalism skill to use and exposes PM Modi. Will he succeed or will PM Modi prove too smart for him. To find out watch Golmaal.

Golmaal (*ing Ashutosh and Narendra Modi )

Golmaal (*ing Ashutosh and Narendra Modi )

Lovely University awards honorary doctorate to Sunny Leone for her contribution to the well being of engineering students

Bollywood star and adult entertainer Sunny Leone added another feather to her cap on her 35th bday after Lovely University honored her with a doctorate, acknowledging that fact that her movies had a major role to play in the well-being of engineering students, especially from the Mechanical Engineering department.

Honored for her contribution to the well being of engineering students

Honored for her contribution to the well being of engineering students

At a function to honor the actress, the Vice-Chancellor of the university said, “It gives me immense pleasure to honor Sunny Leone today for her contribution to films which have in turn contributed to the overall well being of students and faculty. Engineering can be very demanding and stressful and its important to de-stress at times.”

“You guys are very lucky. I too am an engineer and I remember when we were studying we went to the theater and had to remember those scenes after going back to hostel rooms. But now, all you need is to do a Google Search and you get all the entertainment that you need,” he added.”

This is not the first time when bollywood actors have been awarded doctorate, but definitely a first for an adult entertainer.

Although Sunny looked a little out of place wearing the robe and all covered up, she couldn’t hold herself from expressing her gratitude.

Addressing a jam packed auditorium filled with mostly male students, she said, “I am very happy and feel blessed. Just like engineering my work too is very physically demanding. But it all feels worth today. Honestly a few days back I was talking to someone about retiring from adult entertainment and immediately got calls from TOI to reconsider my decision. I wasn’t really sure, but today I feel like there is still a few years of it left in me.”

Sources say that the University has allocated dedicated servers in every hostel that will host Sunny Leone’s movies. A ribbon cutting ceremony of the server rooms is also scheduled later in the day that will see the actress gracing the occasion.

Now BJP asks Kejriwal to solve Irodov’s problems to prove he cleared JEE

New Delhi: While the controversy over Narendra Modi’s degree was yet to die down, BJP has responded by raising questions over Arvind Kejriwal’s admission to IIT. Arvind Kejriwal was a student of Mechanical Engineering at IIT Kharagpur from 1985 to 1989.


Solve it to prove you went to IIT

BJP has claimed that Arvind kejriwal entered IIT through some abnormal means and didn’t clear the Joint Entrance Exam required to get admission in IITs. Citing RTI response from IIT Kharagpur that showed Kejriwal’s JEE rank is unavailable, BJP has raised this question.

Speaking to the press, BJP spokesperson Sambit Patra said, “Before he asks for degree of any of our leaders, he must prove that he did clear JEE and got a good enough rank to enter IIT. Everyone knows that nobody can enter IITs without being able to solve every problem in Irodov’s Physics book, Problems in General Physics. Let him come on camera and solve the problems we give him from the book and we will find out whether he did go to IIT.”

“We are not going to be too strict about it. We will give him 10 problems out of the book and he can solve any 5. That is enough to satisfy us. If he finds it too tough, we can give him maths questions to solve from the books by S.L. Loney and the book by Hall and Knight but in that case, he will have to solve 8 out of 10 questions. We are reasonable people”, Mr. patra added.

When we asked whether Mr. Patra can solve these questions, he replied, “Bhai irodov ke dar se main doctor ban gaya. Entire MBBS was easier than questions in that book. We will get some experts to evaluate.”

When we contacted Arvind Kejriwal for his response to this challenge, he said, “I am ready to take up this challenge provided center government gives control of the invigilator to Delhi Government. We suspect Modi Government will appoint their agent to deliberately fail me.”

Meanwhile, BJP has dropped the idea of taking a test of Ashutosh’s English after nobody agreed to check his answers.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

FB wall: BJP supporters’ reaction to Ministry of Textiles signing MoU with NDTV

FB wall final

Centre to bring in a Mental Bankruptcy bill in Parliament: Sources

New Delhi: Central Government has decided to bring in a Mental Bankruptcy Law to provide a framework for the quicker resolution of cases of shamelessness in public life. This bill would help in catching such offenders early, before they mount up the unfelt shame and bring them to book, making them pay for their shamelessness and relieving the society’s stress, sources said.

mental bankruptcy

After introduction of mental bankruptcy bill, this will be a common sight.

This bill envisages setting up of a Shamelessness Index for individuals, making it a cognizable offence, making changes in Cr. PC for stringent actions for willful defaulters and launching a Guilt Restructuring Plan for genuine failures.

The Shamelessness Index would track the individual’s utterances, actions, self promotions and release a quarterly score of shamelessness called a SIBIL score. In case anyone’s SIBIL score falls below 50, on a scale of 100, he or she would be disallowed in public forums, media appearances, social media etc. Even the surrogate promotion by showing one’s back to camera, to circumvent the law, would not be allowed.

The changes in CrPC would allow for public slapping of individuals, hitting the individual with shoes, garlanding with slippers, tattooing ‘I am Shamed Person’ (मैं हूँ शर्मिंदा आदमी) on his or her forehead etc. There are plans that government may adopt a pay per hit scheme to  garner revenues which can be used on setting up infrastructure like providing free wifi, setting up schools & hospitals, de-addiction centres etc. The enhanced sale of footwear would also boost the economy, sources said.

Guilt Restructuring Plan would be for those who accept the responsibility & implications of their shameful actions and are willing to make amends, ready to pay for it, but, over a period of time. They would be given options to redeem themselves like cleaning public places on odd days and promoting nationalism in JNU on even days. The restructuring plans would be flexible with exemptions like parole based on good behavior during the restructuring period.

Faking News reporter met a social scientist, Mr. Pralap Pani Behta to for better understanding of this issue. He agreed for the half an hour interview during the time he would be in his bathtub.

“The failures in public life can be caused by many reasons; a character defining tendency of shirking work, a predisposition to blame other people all the time, penchant to be visible on media around the clock or thwarted political ambitions, defined as cases of mental bankruptcy.  Other reasons could also be a dynastic imbecility, a thorough incapability to understand the complications of public life or imperialistic belief of being the lord of everything, defined as intellectual bankruptcy. Both are treated at par.”Mr. Behta explained, while soaping his back.

“In all such cases, failed individual is required to pay for the failure by feeling the guilt & shame associated with or arising out of his or her actions but does not do so as he or she feels that all the people can be fooled all the time. Also, absence of a credible societal mechanism causes delays in identifying the mental or intellectual bankruptcy of the individual early.” Said Mr Behta, stopping to turn the tap to full flow.

“This unfelt guilt, a kind of unpaid debt, mounts up as Non Felt Shame (NFS), affecting the mental health of the society and putting an additional burden on other, healthy individuals who now have to feel the additional quota of guilt, unfelt by these individuals. Just like the farmers in Maharashtra are facing the water shortage due to our bad habits of wasting water in our religious practices of offering water to Sun.” Continued Mr. Behta, as we moved slightly away from bathtub as it was overflowing now.

“This law would enable the society to identify the failed individuals before they mount up the guilt to higher proportions and make them pay for it.”

“This, in my view, is the biggest social reform, undertaken by any society, anywhere in the world, anytime.”Concluded Mr. Behta, draining out the bathtub.

Shashank Manohar refutes allegations that he gave free mixers and TV sets in return of votes

Mumbai: Ex-BCCI President Shashan Manohar, who was unanimously elected as ICC Chairman, is already courting controversies with his appointment after there were reports that Mr. Manohar lured voters with a promise of free mixers, washing machines, TV sets and other household appliances. But Shashank Manohar has refuted these allegations and also stressed on the fact that just like BCCI, ICC elections are also held in an extremely transparent way.

An image from the video that showed Shashank Manohar distributing freebies

An image from the video that showed Shashank Manohar distributing freebies

“If there was ever a fairplay award for elections, BCCI would be on top of the list,” he said emphatically while speaking to a room full of media persons.

“What can I do if there was no one else to compete with? I was chosen unopposed. In fact, I was so upset with the fact that there was no one to compete with that we created two fictional characters: Shashank Kumar Manohar and Shashank Das Manohar. And then asked people to vote, so that there wouldn’t be any finger pointing later on. Come on these are not TN elections,” he said in an emotional tone.

However, our sources reveal that freebies were indeed given to members of ICC. A video that went viral on social media showed a senior member of ICC walking out of the ICC board room with a mixer-grinder.

Though allegations were seen flying all over the place, It was work as usual for  ICC governing council which has already started working on amending the constitution based on suggestions of new ICC chief.

“We cannot let unsubstantiated reports hamper our work. Speaking of amendments, there are a few notable ones such as 90% of all international matches to be held in India, Ravi Shastri to be team Director for all cricketing teams, Dhoni will finish the match irrespective of which teams are playing, captain of Indian team gets another chance to call the toss in case he doesn’t get it right the first time and there are more such amendments to come,” said a highly placed ICC official.

Although there seems to be very little chance that this issue may snowball into a controversy. ICC is looking to fall back on IPL’s popularity to blind the masses away from this issue.

Their only headache now remains a fiery news anchor who is reported to be taking keen interest in the news surrounding the freebies.

Donald Trump secretly worried that he may end up becoming President

New York City: Despite all the bravado in public, sources reveal that Donald Trump is a really worried man these days. Donald Trump is concerned that Americans may end up making him the US President after all.

Donald Trump

What the hell is happening

Speaking to faking News, a close aide of Mr. Trump said, “Well he entered the race because he thought it would be fun. He thought he will get a stage to insult politicians and journalists, something we all want to do. And boy did he do that handsomely, every politician from Republicans to the Democrats was rubbed the wrong way by the Donald. The plan was to enjoy insulting these guys for a couple of months and then drop out but thanks to the incompetent opponents, he kept growing in popularity.”

Donald trump is the presumptive Republican candidate after Ted Cruz and John Kasich suspended their campaigns. Recent polls show that he is making major gains against Hillary Clinton as well in national polls. This has made Trump seriously consider the possibility that he could be the next President after all.

“We thought people will appreciate that this is a guy out for some fun and at the same time promote his business. However, it seems people have taken him too seriously and with the momentum he has, he may end up becoming the President after all. That wasn’t the plan. We seriously underestimated how much our existing politicians suck”, Trump’s aide said.

While pollsters are still saying Hillary Clinton is favorite to become the President in November, Donald Trump isn’t relying on that now and has started devoting time to learn policy matters.

“He has to learn everything now since one can’t go the UN general assembly and call other world leaders crooks, liars and goofy. That sounds believable only when used for American politicians”, a political expert based in Washington said.