Students urge Smriti Irani to retain German, instead replace Maths with Sanskrit

New Delhi. HRD minister Smriti Irani’s decision to replace German with Sanskrit as third language in Kendriya Vidyalas seems to have not gone down well with many students and their parents.

While they are fine with Sanskrit being introduced in curriculum, they are upset with it replacing German and claim such a decision could affect their overall percentages and grades.

Smriti thinking over it.

These students along with their parents are therefore urging Smriti to reconsider her decision and instead replace Mathematics, History or similar tough subjects with Sanskrit.

“German was the only subject whose paper my son would look forward to. In fact from an embarrassing 60s, his percentage would soar to respectable 70s thanks to the European language,” a parent explained how German has been a boon to parents like him, when it comes to facing anxious relatives after announcement of results.

“And I am not saying that Sanskrit doesn’t fetch you marks, but it is a pointless exercise with end benefit zero if you are replacing it with an already high scoring German,” the parent added.

Parents further feel that the debate over third language in schools is needless and the time is right to have a concept of fourth language in schools.

“Let’s have German and Sanskrit both and maybe even French, even if it has to be at expense of Mathematics or Science. It’s painful to see my daughter always being few marks short of Singhal sahab’s daughter next door,” another parent argued.

“Well if you are saying that German and Sanskrit is not useful in long run, tell me one instance where algebraic concepts have come to your rescue in your career,” another parent shot back when asked how these languages could benefit the child more than Mathematics in long run.

Meanwhile Jihadist group ISIS has asked Smriti Irani to forget both Sanskrit and German and instead introduce Arabic in schools as they are soon going to rule the entire world including India.

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Man claims to have actually lifted Taj Mahal from its tip while getting clicked

Agra. In what could be a major blow to King Kong, a measly man from China, named Juang Han has claimed that he actually lifted the Taj Mahal while posing for a picture in front of it in the clichéd hold-the-landmark-from-its-tip style.

“What started as a fun pose turned very real when I could feel myself lifting the world’s first wonder single-handedly,” said Han, who is on a week-long trip to India.

It’s really easy.

To further justify his claim, Han added that he could hear cries of panic coming from the Taj Mahal for all the seven continuous seconds he was holding the historic symbol of love in the air.

“I could hear people inside the monument screaming as if they were being rocked by an earthquake. Certainly they were not saying ‘cheese!’ like me! ”

Han’s revelation has taken the Indian tourism industry by storm, with the number of tourists visiting the Taj Mahal rising significantly over the last few days.

Meanwhile, the incident has also sparked off a debate in the culturally sensitive state of UP, with the head of the regional cultural committee demanding an immediate apology from Han for his ‘baseless words which have gravely disrespected the Mughal memorial.’

An official probe has been launched into the matter, and the alleged spot where Han stood for the picture has been sealed.

In a press conference, the local police inspector, Chandu Yadav, known for his love for paan and pun said, “Though it is seems a highly irrational and irresponsible statement on part of Mr. Han, we’re not ‘framing’ any charges against him as such.”

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Those who know the art of celebrating an occasion without alcohol are on the verge of extinction: UNESCO

New Delhi. If a recent report published by UNESCO is to be believed, those people who know the art of celebrating an occasion without drinking alcohol are slowly moving towards extinction.

The report requests countries across the world to take appropriate measures to save the fast vanishing section of the society, which is still aware of that ancient art.

That man without any glass in his hands, he needs to be preserved.

“Nowadays, we are so habituated of getting things done without any extra effort that we have stopped trying to become happy manually. Instead we resort to things like booze, which automates the whole process of feeling happy and gives instant result and most of us are falling for it. But still, some hardworking people are out there who are following the natural process,” explained UNESCO chief Irina Bokova.

“Any carelessness in our attempt to save them will make our planet devoid of these lively people,” Irina Bokova warned further, “The art of enjoying an occasion without alcohol is part of our heritage, we certainly don’t want this rare form of art to go extinct.”

Taking precautionary measures, UNESCO has released list of things to do in order to preserve the art and the disappearing population of the artists.

“We are encouraging people to celebrate festivals and important days round the year with groups of people who know how to enjoy life without consuming liquor,” UNESCO chief continued adding that they planning to list all those people on their website, “This way, it will be easier for a common man to find those people and spend time with them to learn the art.”

Realizing the looming threat of extinction, people expert in having a blast without a drop of liquor have become extremely cautious.

“I am vowing to teach this art to my next generation,” said 30 year old Manish, a strong-willed teetotaler who is going to be a father next month. “Not only that, I will make sure that my children pass that on to their children.”

However, many expressed shock that such people still existed.

“Dude, I got the news of a my new job offer on a dry day. But as it was a dry day, I was clueless about what to do. Only next day I managed to bring smile on my face,” Prateek, a Bangalore based IT professional told Faking News. “I can’t even imagine of a party without booze. How the hell is that even a party?”

Meanwhile, many people who are willing to conserve the vanishing group have requested teetotalers to open coaching centers to teach them the art of enjoying without drinking.

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With frequent foreign trips, Narendra Modi declared India’s first “Onsite PM”

New Delhi. With quite a few foreign tours since taking over, Narendra Modi has been conferred the title of being India’s first onsite PM by his fans, who claim that this makes Modi “the first PM” in another category after “born after Independence”.

Fans claim that the number of foreign trips Modi has made so far is now second only to ex-President Pratibha Patil and way more than number of trips an average IT professional makes in his entire career, thus Modi deserves this title.

Modi arriving at yet another foreign location in style.

“The amount of onsite trips Modi has made in such a short span of time, he has become envy of every software engineer who doesn’t get onsite opportunities even after 2-3 years in the job,” claimed a Modi fan, who is also a software engineer and wonders if Modi has been trolling his fans after taking over.

“First he invited Nawaz Sharif and then met media persons we don’t like. And now he’s making us jealous!” he added.

If sources are to be believed, many engineers are thinking of resigning from their jobs and joining PMO in some capacity or other. They feel that way they will at least have some chance of making an onsite trip in their life.

Fans further argue that just like an Onsite Engineer works for his company by remaining abroad, Modi ji is working for betterment of India and its people from abroad.

“We have had PMs who have not done anything despite being in India and now we have a PM who is doing his job earnestly even after being out of India,” a fan pointed to number of initiatives Modi has announced being abroad.

“And he is a true blue onsite guy, which is proven by the fact that he is not just flaunting his visit to US, Japan etc but is also not averse to visiting countries like Myanmar,” the fan added, liking the Prime Minister’s photos on Instagram.

Fans on social media, especially on Twitter, also claim that Nehru could be India’s first PM but he was certainly not India’s first onsite PM.

“Modi has a modern and more relevant legacy,” a fan told Faking News.

Meanwhile senior BJP leader LK Advani is reported to be wondering if he has a chance of becoming a “resident PM”, now that Modi is officially India’s onsite PM.

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Friday faking release: Double Dhamaal

Movie about how Rohit Sharma found his talent, twice.

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5 ways to meet your financial needs while living your dream of watching popular American TV series all day long

It would be a dream come true for many of the TV series addicts, if they get a way to meet their financial needs while living their dream of watching popular American TV series all day long.

From Seinfeld, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones to Homeland, the list is endless, but our life span in limited.

If this what you want to do for the rest of your life.

Keeping the fact in mind, Faking News brings to you list of things to do in order to pay your bills without wasting much time in doing irrelevant stuffs which you don’t like at all. You have only one life, better spend it doing what you actually want to do.

1. Watch TV series while sitting by the roadside: Put a table and a chair by the roadside outside your home. On the table, place your laptop, a bowl and a placard saying ‘I am addicted to US TV shows and I can’t quit. Need monetary help to survive.’ Now, keep watching TV series all day long. People will understand your situation and out of sympathy, will generously offer you money. And the fact that you are watching some American show and know English will put you a step ahead of normal Indian beggars. Given a chance, a normal Indian will certainly prefer you over a typical Indian beggar.

2. Put yourself as some weird showpiece at the local museum: While finishing multiple episodes in one sitting, you barely even move from one place and position. So better to use this talent. Dress yourself as a man from prehistoric period and sit like an idle with your laptop, at the local museum for hours. It will be fun for people to watch and you, and they may even pay you.

3. Charge money from people for not disclosing spoilers: Download and watch crucial episodes of various popular series the moment their torrents arrive. Now, you are hours ahead of fellow viewers, who will most probably watch the show next day after returning from their offices. These are the few hours you need to capitalize one. Carry a big placard saying ‘Donate generously, or I will reveal the climax of Homeland Season 4 episode 7,’ or something similar and roam around in office areas. Although it looks like a threat and blackmail, people out of fear will pay you.

4. Charge money from random people for discussing show episodes: Out there, there are many TV series fans with almost zero social life. Although they watch TV series, they don’t have any friends to discuss it with and what’s the point of watching those shows if you don’t have someone to discuss it with. After something bad happens in the show, you need someone to shed tears with, at happy moments, you need someone to celebrate with. You should target that section of society. Start a helpline for those lone people and charge money for per minute of your telephonic company.

5. Quit your job and instead take up an HR job: If you like office ambience and don’t want to quit corporate job, better switch to HR job profile. Watch TV serials while sitting in office whole day, and when you get tired of sitting, stand up, walk around, move few files and talk to office employees to freshen up your mood.

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Auto driver changes his plan after passenger coincidentally asks him to go where he was already headed

Mumbai. An auto driver from Vile Parle today reinforced the “NO” image his clan has in metros like Mumbai and Delhi by changing his route and destination after a passenger, by chance, asked him to go where the driver was already going.

Sultan, the rickshaw driver who was headed for Chandivali in Andheri (East), for a family gathering, chose to skip the event after a prospective commuter halted his rickshaw and coincidentally asked him to go to the same place.

The commuter who was reportedly waiting for half an hour to get an auto (after being rejected by some 40-45 autos), overheard Sultan telling a paanwala that he was now going straight to Chandivali to attend his sister’s wedding.

A rare moment with Sultan ferrying a commuter without haggling.

Relieved, he approached Sultan and told him that he too was going there, but to his horror, Sultan refused to go there and immediately changed his plan and claimed he was now going to Lokhandwala.

“Wahan jaane ka hai toh baith, nahi toh sadd idhar dhoop mein,” were the exact words of Sultan as revealed by the passenger.

Faking News then spoke to Sultan who confirmed the incident and argued that auto drivers of his ilk don’t get “kick” until they refuse to go to the exact destination of passengers.

“When he said ‘Chandivali chaloge’, my heart suddenly began beating faster and I was almost certain that I was now going to miss my sister’s wedding. But I was still hoping that his exact destination doesn’t turn out to be where I was going,” Sultan recalled the events.

“Unfortunately, he turned out to be one of the invitees of the wedding from groom’s side and thus was heading for the same marriage venue. I tried to negotiate with and told him I’ll drop him at Marol and he could take a metro or a bus from there, but to no avail. Left with no other option I had to desert him at Vile Parle and head towards Lokhandwala,” Sultan further disclosed.

“No, as much of it is about my swag, it is also about by imaan. I couldn’t have charged extra or lied and then did what I was going to do,” Sultan retorted when pointed he could have still attended the wedding or he could have charged more than meter.

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