tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53155726573494660982024-03-21T22:12:32.632-07:00Faking News - leading news satire website of IndiaRuchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.comBlogger3025125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-81027960414451684112016-05-13T05:00:00.001-07:002016-05-13T05:00:17.440-07:00Friday Faking Release: Golmaal (*ing Ashutosh and Narendra Modi )<p>Ashutosh’s tirade against Narendra Modi for forging his marksheets may not see end of the day till he finds out the curious case of NarendraDas Damodardas Modi and Narendra Kumar Damodardas Modi. In this weeks Friday Faking release check out how Ashutosh puts his investigate journalism skill to use and exposes PM Modi. Will he succeed or will PM Modi prove too smart for him. To find out watch Golmaal.</p>
<div id="attachment_63379" style="width: 510px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img class="size-full wp-image-63379" src="http://ift.tt/23N0Wpx" alt="Golmaal (*ing Ashutosh and Narendra Modi )" width="500" height="600" srcset="http://ift.tt/23N0Wpx 500w, http://ift.tt/27jmiiP 250w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Golmaal (*ing Ashutosh and Narendra Modi )</p>
</div>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-87813402241447008382016-05-13T04:30:00.001-07:002016-05-13T04:30:17.685-07:00Lovely University awards honorary doctorate to Sunny Leone for her contribution to the well being of engineering students<p>Bollywood star and adult entertainer Sunny Leone added another feather to her cap on her 35th bday after Lovely University honored her with a doctorate, acknowledging that fact that her movies had a major role to play in the well-being of engineering students, especially from the Mechanical Engineering department.</p>
<div id="attachment_63374" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63374" src="http://ift.tt/1WubiMf" alt="Honored for her contribution to the well being of engineering students" width="300" height="300" srcset="http://ift.tt/1WubiMf 300w, http://ift.tt/24PLg7i 100w, http://ift.tt/1Wublrm 400w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Honored for her contribution to the well being of engineering students</p>
</div>
<p>At a function to honor the actress, the Vice-Chancellor of the university said, “It gives me immense pleasure to honor Sunny Leone today for her contribution to films which have in turn contributed to the overall well being of students and faculty. Engineering can be very demanding and stressful and its important to de-stress at times.”</p>
<p>“You guys are very lucky. I too am an engineer and I remember when we were studying we went to the theater and had to remember those scenes after going back to hostel rooms. But now, all you need is to do a Google Search and you get all the entertainment that you need,” he added.”</p>
<p>This is not the first time when bollywood actors have been awarded doctorate, but definitely a first for an adult entertainer.</p>
<p>Although Sunny looked a little out of place wearing the robe and all covered up, she couldn’t hold herself from expressing her gratitude.</p>
<p>Addressing a jam packed auditorium filled with mostly male students, she said, “I am very happy and feel blessed. Just like engineering my work too is very physically demanding. But it all feels worth today. Honestly a few days back I was talking to someone about retiring from adult entertainment and immediately got calls from TOI to reconsider my decision. I wasn’t really sure, but today I feel like there is still a few years of it left in me.”</p>
<p>Sources say that the University has allocated dedicated servers in every hostel that will host Sunny Leone’s movies. A ribbon cutting ceremony of the server rooms is also scheduled later in the day that will see the actress gracing the occasion.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-80766467077376666572016-05-13T00:30:00.001-07:002016-05-13T00:30:17.726-07:00Now BJP asks Kejriwal to solve Irodov’s problems to prove he cleared JEE<p><b>New Delhi:</b> While the controversy over Narendra Modi’s degree was yet to die down, BJP has responded by raising questions over Arvind Kejriwal’s admission to IIT. Arvind Kejriwal was a student of Mechanical Engineering at IIT Kharagpur from 1985 to 1989.</p>
<div id="attachment_63370" style="width: 252px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63370" src="http://ift.tt/1TecuiO" alt="irodov" width="242" height="300" srcset="http://ift.tt/27iRbnq 242w, http://ift.tt/1TecuiS 758w" sizes="(max-width: 242px) 100vw, 242px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Solve it to prove you went to IIT</p>
</div>
<p>BJP has claimed that Arvind kejriwal entered IIT through some abnormal means and didn’t clear the Joint Entrance Exam required to get admission in IITs. Citing RTI response from IIT Kharagpur that showed Kejriwal’s JEE rank is unavailable, BJP has raised this question.</p>
<p>Speaking to the press, BJP spokesperson Sambit Patra said, “Before he asks for degree of any of our leaders, he must prove that he did clear JEE and got a good enough rank to enter IIT. Everyone knows that nobody can enter IITs without being able to solve every problem in Irodov’s Physics book, Problems in General Physics. Let him come on camera and solve the problems we give him from the book and we will find out whether he did go to IIT.”</p>
<p>“We are not going to be too strict about it. We will give him 10 problems out of the book and he can solve any 5. That is enough to satisfy us. If he finds it too tough, we can give him maths questions to solve from the books by S.L. Loney and the book by Hall and Knight but in that case, he will have to solve 8 out of 10 questions. We are reasonable people”, Mr. patra added.</p>
<p>When we asked whether Mr. Patra can solve these questions, he replied, “<i>Bhai irodov ke dar se main doctor ban gaya. Entire MBBS was easier than questions in that book</i>. We will get some experts to evaluate.”</p>
<p>When we contacted Arvind Kejriwal for his response to this challenge, he said, “I am ready to take up this challenge provided center government gives control of the invigilator to Delhi Government. We suspect Modi Government will appoint their agent to deliberately fail me.”</p>
<p>Meanwhile, BJP has dropped the idea of taking a test of Ashutosh’s English after nobody agreed to check his answers.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-78689964586131244182016-05-12T22:30:00.001-07:002016-05-12T22:30:57.324-07:00FB wall: BJP supporters’ reaction to Ministry of Textiles signing MoU with NDTV<p><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-63364" src="http://ift.tt/2235CbB" alt="FB wall final" width="565" height="820" srcset="http://ift.tt/2235CbB 565w, http://ift.tt/1OmXtMw 207w" sizes="(max-width: 565px) 100vw, 565px" /></p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-59426931336113321262016-05-12T04:33:00.001-07:002016-05-12T04:33:40.695-07:00Centre to bring in a Mental Bankruptcy bill in Parliament: Sources<p><strong>New Delhi:</strong> Central Government has decided to bring in a Mental Bankruptcy Law to provide a framework for the quicker resolution of cases of shamelessness in public life. This bill would help in catching such offenders early, before they mount up the unfelt shame and bring them to book, making them pay for their shamelessness and relieving the society’s stress, sources said.</p>
<div id="attachment_63357" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63357" src="http://ift.tt/1OkyPMt" alt="mental bankruptcy" width="300" height="135" srcset="http://ift.tt/1ZIwfR9 300w, http://ift.tt/1OkyNV7 768w, http://ift.tt/1ZIwhZo 1024w, http://ift.tt/1OkyPMv 1258w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">After introduction of mental bankruptcy bill, this will be a common sight.</p>
</div>
<p>This bill envisages setting up of a Shamelessness Index for individuals, making it a cognizable offence, making changes in Cr. PC for stringent actions for willful defaulters and launching a Guilt Restructuring Plan for genuine failures.</p>
<p>The Shamelessness Index would track the individual’s utterances, actions, self promotions and release a quarterly score of shamelessness called a SIBIL score. In case anyone’s SIBIL score falls below 50, on a scale of 100, he or she would be disallowed in public forums, media appearances, social media etc. Even the surrogate promotion by showing one’s back to camera, to circumvent the law, would not be allowed.</p>
<p>The changes in CrPC would allow for public slapping of individuals, hitting the individual with shoes, garlanding with slippers, tattooing ‘I am Shamed Person’ (मैं हूँ शर्मिंदा आदमी) on his or her forehead etc. There are plans that government may adopt a pay per hit scheme to garner revenues which can be used on setting up infrastructure like providing free wifi, setting up schools & hospitals, de-addiction centres etc. The enhanced sale of footwear would also boost the economy, sources said.</p>
<p>Guilt Restructuring Plan would be for those who accept the responsibility & implications of their shameful actions and are willing to make amends, ready to pay for it, but, over a period of time. They would be given options to redeem themselves like cleaning public places on odd days and promoting nationalism in JNU on even days. The restructuring plans would be flexible with exemptions like parole based on good behavior during the restructuring period.</p>
<p>Faking News reporter met a social scientist, Mr. Pralap Pani Behta to for better understanding of this issue. He agreed for the half an hour interview during the time he would be in his bathtub.</p>
<p>“The failures in public life can be caused by many reasons; a character defining tendency of shirking work, a predisposition to blame other people all the time, penchant to be visible on media around the clock or thwarted political ambitions, defined as cases of mental bankruptcy. Other reasons could also be a dynastic imbecility, a thorough incapability to understand the complications of public life or imperialistic belief of being the lord of everything, defined as intellectual bankruptcy. Both are treated at par.”Mr. Behta explained, while soaping his back.</p>
<p>“In all such cases, failed individual is required to pay for the failure by feeling the guilt & shame associated with or arising out of his or her actions but does not do so as he or she feels that all the people can be fooled all the time. Also, absence of a credible societal mechanism causes delays in identifying the mental or intellectual bankruptcy of the individual early.” Said Mr Behta, stopping to turn the tap to full flow.</p>
<p>“This unfelt guilt, a kind of unpaid debt, mounts up as Non Felt Shame (NFS), affecting the mental health of the society and putting an additional burden on other, healthy individuals who now have to feel the additional quota of guilt, unfelt by these individuals. Just like the farmers in Maharashtra are facing the water shortage due to our bad habits of wasting water in our religious practices of offering water to Sun.” Continued Mr. Behta, as we moved slightly away from bathtub as it was overflowing now.</p>
<p>“This law would enable the society to identify the failed individuals before they mount up the guilt to higher proportions and make them pay for it.”</p>
<p>“This, in my view, is the biggest social reform, undertaken by any society, anywhere in the world, anytime.”Concluded Mr. Behta, draining out the bathtub.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-49403132794471215542016-05-12T03:03:00.001-07:002016-05-12T03:03:09.611-07:00Shashank Manohar refutes allegations that he gave free mixers and TV sets in return of votes<p><strong>Mumbai:</strong> Ex-BCCI President Shashan Manohar, who was unanimously elected as ICC Chairman, is already courting controversies with his appointment after there were reports that Mr. Manohar lured voters with a promise of free mixers, washing machines, TV sets and other household appliances. But Shashank Manohar has refuted these allegations and also stressed on the fact that just like BCCI, ICC elections are also held in an extremely transparent way.</p>
<div id="attachment_63352" style="width: 301px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63352" src="http://ift.tt/1sghlrj" alt="An image from the video that showed Shashank Manohar distributing freebies" width="291" height="300" srcset="http://ift.tt/1TAMdsu 291w, http://ift.tt/1sghlrn 361w" sizes="(max-width: 291px) 100vw, 291px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">An image from the video that showed Shashank Manohar distributing freebies</p>
</div>
<p>“If there was ever a fairplay award for elections, BCCI would be on top of the list,” he said emphatically while speaking to a room full of media persons.</p>
<p>“What can I do if there was no one else to compete with? I was chosen unopposed. In fact, I was so upset with the fact that there was no one to compete with that we created two fictional characters: Shashank Kumar Manohar and Shashank Das Manohar. And then asked people to vote, so that there wouldn’t be any finger pointing later on. Come on these are not TN elections,” he said in an emotional tone.</p>
<p>However, our sources reveal that freebies were indeed given to members of ICC. A video that went viral on social media showed a senior member of ICC walking out of the ICC board room with a mixer-grinder.</p>
<p>Though allegations were seen flying all over the place, It was work as usual for ICC governing council which has already started working on amending the constitution based on suggestions of new ICC chief.</p>
<p>“We cannot let unsubstantiated reports hamper our work. Speaking of amendments, there are a few notable ones such as 90% of all international matches to be held in India, Ravi Shastri to be team Director for all cricketing teams, Dhoni will finish the match irrespective of which teams are playing, captain of Indian team gets another chance to call the toss in case he doesn’t get it right the first time and there are more such amendments to come,” said a highly placed ICC official.</p>
<p>Although there seems to be very little chance that this issue may snowball into a controversy. ICC is looking to fall back on IPL’s popularity to blind the masses away from this issue.</p>
<p>Their only headache now remains a fiery news anchor who is reported to be taking keen interest in the news surrounding the freebies.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-89944096751532342672016-05-12T00:03:00.001-07:002016-05-12T00:03:21.824-07:00Donald Trump secretly worried that he may end up becoming President<p><strong>New York City:</strong> Despite all the bravado in public, sources reveal that Donald Trump is a really worried man these days. Donald Trump is concerned that Americans may end up making him the US President after all.</p>
<div id="attachment_63348" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63348" src="http://ift.tt/1X32ETy" alt="Donald Trump" width="300" height="188" srcset="http://ift.tt/24NxRN4 300w, http://ift.tt/1X32F9T 768w, http://ift.tt/24NxRN6 800w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">What the hell is happening</p>
</div>
<p>Speaking to faking News, a close aide of Mr. Trump said, “Well he entered the race because he thought it would be fun. He thought he will get a stage to insult politicians and journalists, something we all want to do. And boy did he do that handsomely, every politician from Republicans to the Democrats was rubbed the wrong way by the Donald. The plan was to enjoy insulting these guys for a couple of months and then drop out but thanks to the incompetent opponents, he kept growing in popularity.”</p>
<p>Donald trump is the presumptive Republican candidate after Ted Cruz and John Kasich suspended their campaigns. Recent polls show that he is <a href="http://ift.tt/1YlToZk">making major gains</a> against Hillary Clinton as well in national polls. This has made Trump seriously consider the possibility that he could be the next President after all.</p>
<p>“We thought people will appreciate that this is a guy out for some fun and at the same time promote his business. However, it seems people have taken him too seriously and with the momentum he has, he may end up becoming the President after all. That wasn’t the plan. We seriously underestimated how much our existing politicians suck”, Trump’s aide said.</p>
<p>While pollsters are still saying Hillary Clinton is favorite to become the President in November, Donald Trump isn’t relying on that now and has started devoting time to learn policy matters.</p>
<p>“He has to learn everything now since one can’t go the UN general assembly and call other world leaders crooks, liars and goofy. That sounds believable only when used for American politicians”, a political expert based in Washington said.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-79660125607498327672016-05-11T23:04:00.001-07:002016-05-11T23:04:52.084-07:00Tamil Nadu man wants All Of The Above (AOTA) instead of NOTA to get freebies from every party<p><strong>Chennai:</strong> In a strange request received by Election Commission of India, a Chennai based man has requested them to replace NOTA option on the voting machine with AOTA (All of the above). The elections for the Tamil Nadu assembly are scheduled to be held on the 16<sup>th</sup> of this month.</p>
<div id="attachment_63297" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63297" src="http://ift.tt/1T6yzTE" alt="Tamil nadu" width="300" height="167" srcset="http://ift.tt/1Yhssdb 300w, http://ift.tt/1T6yA9S 759w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">All of them should become CM</p>
</div>
<p>The man, identified as Mr. Ganeshan, is a first time voter having turned 18 last year. Leading political parties across Tamil Nadu have offered plenty of freebies and subsidies to attract voters and Ganeshan wants to get hold of all the freebies offered.</p>
<p>“I am a responsible citizen and want to exercise my right to vote. However, I do not like the present politics and the politicians in the state, you see! So, I decided to vote for NOTA to express my pain to the EC and aversion towards hopeless democracy in our state. But then, I read the manifestos of all the political parties and saw the freebies all of them are offering. If I can get all that then I am set to start my new life as an adult”, Said Ganeshan.</p>
<p>Furthermore he said, “There is free laptop, free wifi, free rice, free Gold, free power, free water, cheap home loans, free clothes, free cow, free goat, free fans, free kitchen appliances, everything is free. We just have to find a way to ensure everyone is elected so that we don’t lose out on any freebies and AOTA is the best way to do it.”</p>
<p>“It is not just the freebies that will come after the elections; I have already taken money from every party’s campaign team to vote for them. Now I am an honest man and I don’t want to cheat anyone. Unlike a politician, we have to keep our promises so election commission should add that AOTA button to get me out of my current predicament”, Ganeshan added.</p>
<p>When we asked Ganeshan how much money has he been given by each party, he asked us for 5,000 Rs. to divulge that information.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-11899401569409256762016-05-11T02:11:00.003-07:002016-05-11T02:11:20.078-07:00To relate to all the memes and groups titled “You are a true 90s kid if”, boy decides to change his date of birth to the 90s<p><strong>Mumbai:</strong> Shashank Awasthi, a 14 years old boy who was born on 29th January 2002 has decided to get his date of birth changed to 29th January 1992 . When asked the reason behind this decision, he said he also wanted to miss the 90s like thousands of others on the internet.</p>
<div style="width: 368px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img src="http://ift.tt/1rUnSHe" width="358" height="270" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Even Peter Griffin is fed up of the 90s kids</p>
</div>
<p>Speaking to Faking News, he said,”Ever since I started using internet, I have been observing all these Facebook pages and groups titled ‘Only 90s kids will get this’ and ‘Only 90s kids will get that’, as if no kid has been born before or after the 90s. I wanted to be a part of that online group as well. Now that I will be a 90s kid officially, let me see what the fuss is about.”</p>
<p>When we asked whether he knows much about the 90s, he replied, “Oh yes, I have done extensive study on this. There was Sachin Tendulkar obviously. There was Govinda and his clothes. Chandarakanta and Shaktimaan were cool, Baba Sehgal’s tweets were known as the lyrics to his songs and candy cigarette was the only one that kids smoked. Thats pretty much the entire 90s.”</p>
<p>When asked why doesn’t he start his own page about kids of his generation, he replied, “Every smartphone, TV show, Video game and Superhero film already has an FB page. What else will we talk about in a Facebook page for our generation? Pages focused on the 90s kids show them playing outside a lot, what is outside? maybe we can do something there.”</p>
<p>When we asked how does he plan to fake his date of birth, Shashank smiled and said, “I will get a fake birth certificate by paying someone a little bit of money. Some things haven’t changed since the 90s.”</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-78624323032235854582016-05-11T02:11:00.001-07:002016-05-11T02:11:18.422-07:00AAP leader Ashutosh offers to verify documents of UPSC toppers<p><strong>New Delhi: </strong>AAP leader Ashutosh, who alleged that PM Modi had forged his mark-sheet, today made an announcement at a press conference and offered to verify documents of all UPSC candidates for free.</p>
<div id="attachment_63335" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63335" src="http://ift.tt/1rUnQiw" alt="Ashutosh busy with his verification" width="300" height="177" srcset="http://ift.tt/1X0gQN7 300w, http://ift.tt/1rUnSqM 636w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Ashutosh busy with his verification</p>
</div>
<p>At a press conference to bring out more incriminating evidence against PM Modi, Ashutosh deviated from the protocol and offered to help students who cleared UPSC exams with their documents.</p>
<p>“I am very happy with the results of the civil service exams. I too had appeared for the exams but couldn’t get through because of the typos in written test,” he said while indulging in some self deprecating humor.</p>
<p>“But jokes apart, the real test for these students begins now. When all the paperwork will have to be done. These bright students are going to be the future of this country and that is why their present needs to be validated. We have seen how so called leaders have misled the entire country with their forged mark-sheets. Such fraud people become PM of the country and people with genuine mark-sheet are forced to become CM,” he screamed.</p>
<p>Serpentine queues were seen outside Ashutosh’s house as students waited for their turn to get their documents checked. The AAP leader himself was seen surrounded by party workers with an OK stamp in one hand and a magnifying glass in other, furiously stamping documents that passed his stringent verification standards.</p>
<p>Many of those who cleared the process were seen coming out with happy faces. “To tell you honestly I wasn’t this happy when I found out that I topped the UPSC exams. The feeling is surreal. It’s not just an OK stamp from Ashutosh. It’s like an ISI mark,” said Tina Dabhi, who topped the civil service exams.</p>
<p>But there were some who in spite of doing well in the exams were not sure about their future.</p>
<p>Our reporter spoke to UPSC rank holder, who was happy with the result but looked anxious after he came to know about a discrepancy in his document. “I really don’t know how to react. Yesterday when I was going through my documents, I noticed that my name on my 10<sup>th</sup> marksheet is PramodKumar Ramkumar Dubey and on my 12<sup>th</sup> mark-sheet is Pramod Ramkumar Dubey. Now I am worried that 30 years from now if I reach a position of responsibility, Ashutosh can bring this up and ruin my career,” he lamented. <strong> </strong></p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-73851205056193018032016-05-10T23:42:00.001-07:002016-05-10T23:42:12.421-07:00After comparing Kerala to Somalia, Modi offends Keralites by saying Singapore is better than Dubai<p><strong>Kochi:</strong> A day after raising a political storm by saying that infant mortality rate among STs in Kerala was worse than Somalia, Indian PM Narendra Modi has offended many Keralites again by saying that Singapore is better than Dubai.</p>
<div id="attachment_63324" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63324" src="http://ift.tt/1VSJdOj" alt="Dubai" width="300" height="198" srcset="http://ift.tt/1T5diEu 300w, http://ift.tt/1VSJcKf 425w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Dubai district of Kerala</p>
</div>
<p>Speaking at a political rally in the state, PM Modi remarked that Keralites keep heading towards Dubai when Singapore is a much better option. Modi went a step ahead and asked Keralites to learn from Tamils who prefer Singapore to Dubai.</p>
<p>There are nearly 3 Million Keralites in the Gulf with the largest number of them living in Dubai. As per experts, Modi may have ended BJP’s hopes in Kerala by implying that some other city is better than Dubai.</p>
<p>During his speech, Narendra Modi mentioned that Singapore has a better airport, better buildings, better planning, has greater social equality and is generally cleaner than Dubai. These comments haven’t gone down well with the Keralites who have long considered Dubai a holy place.</p>
<p>“First he says infant mortality rate in Kerala is higher than Somalia, which was ok, who knows it could be true. But then he said that our Dubai isn’t the best city in the world and then he asks us to learn from Tamil people? Why is he hell bent on offending us?” asked an irate Ratheesh, a resident of Kochi.</p>
<p>Another local resident Lijo John joined in and told this Faking News reporter, “What is Modi even talking about? Look at Burj Khalifa, Dubai Mall, Atlantis, Palm Jumeirah, how can Singapore match all these things? Malayalis have built Dubai through their sweat and blood and you can’t come here and start saying that some other city is better. Not if you want to win an election.”</p>
<p>“Since he doesn’t understand Malayalam, let me tell him in Hindi. Modi Ji, Singapore zindabad hoga usse humein koi aitraaz nahin lekin hamara Dubai Zindabad tha, Zindabad hai aur Zindabad rahega!” Lijo added.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Kerala BJP has now requested Rahul Gandhi to campaign in the state to undo the damage caused by Narendra Modi’s Dubai remark.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-16373930087320729602016-05-10T03:04:00.001-07:002016-05-10T03:04:16.823-07:00Govt instructs engineering colleges to conduct preparatory course for aspirants who have no interest in football or GoT<p><strong>New Delhi:</strong> Taking cognizance of various issues related to life an engineering student, ministry of HRD has asked all engineering institutes across the country to conduct a preparatory course/counseling session for incoming batch to prepare them for the grueling academic and social life ahead.</p>
<div id="attachment_63318" style="width: 412px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="wp-image-63318 size-full" src="http://ift.tt/1WXxsVF" alt="A prep course in progress" width="402" height="174" srcset="http://ift.tt/1ZAcXO2 402w, http://ift.tt/1WXxuwN 300w" sizes="(max-width: 402px) 100vw, 402px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">A prep course in progress</p>
</div>
<p>Speaking to Faking News HRD Minister Smriti Irani said, “Earlier we had prep course for students who were weak in Maths and languages to help them catch up with other students. But we have observed that student interaction goes beyond the four walls of the classroom. Many students from the previous batches suffered from depression because they couldn’t contribute to canteen convo that centered on football and GoT. So we are proactively taking steps to ensure that future batches don’t go through this problem.”</p>
<p>A circular was issued to all colleges with clear instructions to equip students with relevant GoT knowledge and a ready reckoner on football.</p>
<p>College authorities reveal that HRD Ministry’s efforts are yielding results already and there is a general sense of well being among students.</p>
<p>Ravi Iyer, a third year engineering student who has absolutely no interest in either football or GoT narrates how life has been difficult for him all these years in the college. “It’s not that I haven’t tried. Just so that I don’t look like a fool, I used to cheer for Manchester United without knowing anything about the team.”</p>
<p>“There was a time when I couldn’t differentiate a back pass from a free kick, but things are better now. Till I caught up with ‘Jon Snow is Dead’, that bastard was alive again. I was social pariah when it came to football and GoT conversations. But with this prep course I feel like I am ahead of the game,” he added candidly.</p>
<p>Our reporter visited one such engineering college to get a first had account of the prep-course. In a class room filled with around 100 students the instructor said ‘repeat after me Winter is Coming’, which was responded to by the entire class in unison.</p>
<p>Sources say that Ministry of HRD is planning to go a step further and localize the content so that having such prep courses won’t be necessary. “We are in talks with the creators of GoT and if everything goes well we might a few sanskari characters on the show. Maybe Babuji would have a role to play in the battle of Winterfell,” said a source, trying best not to reveal any spoiler.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-36411640321350306852016-05-10T01:04:00.001-07:002016-05-10T01:04:27.696-07:00Struggling to fill paper with stories, Journalists request Bollywood couples to breakup<p><strong>Mumbai:</strong> In a rare show of unity, journalists from various media organisations came together to appeal to Bollywood couples to breakup. This appeal was made after many media organisations reported that they are struggling to fill the space in the entertainment section of their papers.</p>
<div id="attachment_63314" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63314" src="http://ift.tt/1T0Ki4f" alt="Hrithik Kangana" width="300" height="194" srcset="http://ift.tt/1ZzU3Xn 300w, http://ift.tt/1T0Kikt 620w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Media needs more Hrithik-Kangana type stories</p>
</div>
<p>“During January we thought that 2016 is THE year for us. There was one breakup after another in Bollywood and we were pushing out stories by the dozen. However, all that has slowed down now and all we have is the Kangana-Hrithik story that we have already written about a hundred times. Since we want to serve something fresh to the readers, we need a new breakup or two”, said Mita, a senior editor at a newspaper.</p>
<p>“There is hardly any interesting movie releasing right now with everyone trying to avoid IPL season, there are no breakups, there are no fights between leading actresses, what do we put in the entertainment section? We can put some political news there considering how much they entertain people but that will be against the ethics of journalism so we avoid that”, Mita added.</p>
<p>It wasn’t just the print media that came together for this request; even TV news channels joined hands and appealed to celebrities to stop loving each other.</p>
<p>“Print guys have it easy, if there is no news then just place one more ad of a new housing project in Delhi NCR. How do we come up with news for 24 hrs? There is only a limited time for which we can show advertisements, we need news! Unless these guys start breaking up with each other, I am afraid we will have to end up doing shows on the actual issues concerning India. Now who would want to watch that?” asked an executive producer for a leading news channel.</p>
<p>Journalists have also clarified that the breakup must be of an actual couple. An Abbas-Mastan or Ranvir-Arjun Kapoor breakup won’t count.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-74654813456407451922016-05-10T00:04:00.001-07:002016-05-10T00:04:38.734-07:00BJP, Congress and AAP start their own universities to ensure every leader has a degree<p><strong>New Delhi:</strong> After the recent controversy over Narendra Modi’s degrees, political parties in India have decided to start their very own Universities to ensure that every leader has a degree that is easily verifiable. BJP, Congress and AAP have already opened their universities and other parties are expected to follow suit.<br />
In an exclusive, Faking News managed to get details of these Universities.</p>
<div id="attachment_63309" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63309" src="http://ift.tt/1Wmk4Mc" alt="Modi" width="300" height="170" srcset="http://ift.tt/1rOw8ss 300w, http://ift.tt/1Wmk27k 640w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">The VCs of these Universities</p>
</div>
<p><strong>BJP University:</strong> This is the only university which is jack of all trades, but master of none. It has a couple of hardworking alumnus, who don’t know how to communicate. The top management of the university is always at loggerheads with the middle management. However, it has assorted specialisations. Professor Gadkari teaches organic farming, without wasting any water. Diplomacy skills of Sakshi Maharaj and Adityanath are world famous. If there is anyone in the world who understands importance of social media, it is Professor Shah. Arun Jaitley, who is known to be more favourite with the opposition camp, can be called the modern day Dale Carnegie.<br />
<strong>Admission Criteria:</strong> 25000+ followers on twitter.<br />
<strong>Noted Professors:</strong></p>
<p>Narendra Modi: World geography<br />
Nitin Gadkari :- Organic farming<br />
Sakshi Maharaj and Yogi Adityanath:- Political correctness and creative writing<br />
Amit Shah :- Social Media management<br />
Arun Jaitley :- Diplomacy and HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE</p>
<p><strong>Congress University: –</strong> This University can put any big B-school to shame, only university in India that teaches students how to make money quickly. Entrepreneur Robert Vadra is not only a noted alumnus of this university but also a guest lecturer here. He can teach students a thing or two about property management and farming. If you can’t learn the art of making money from this university, most probably you can’t learn it anywhere.<br />
<strong>Admission criteria:</strong> Naming everyone in Nehru-Gandhi family tree correctly.<br />
<strong>Noted Professors:</strong><br />
Rahul Gandhi: – Professor of long term strategy<br />
Sonia Gandhi: – Hindi language and diction<br />
Robert Vadra :- Guest lecturer on farming and property management<br />
Abhishek Manu Singhvi :- Audio Visual Communications<br />
Manmohan Singh: – Oratory and the art of silent communication<br />
Chidambaram: – Accounting and financial (mis)management</p>
<p><strong>AAP University:</strong> This University specialises in mass communication, activism and advertising. It might be better than most C-schools (communication schools please don’t misunderstand). AAP’s personal Wren and Martin THE ASHUTOSH will teach English at the university, making it the best place to learn the language. Professor Kejriwal’s expertise in advertising can put world’s best media planners to shame. Somnath Bharti’s work in the field of women empowerment is well known; hence his lecturers on women’s rights will be enlightening for students. University also has guest lectures by Vishal Dadlani, Vishal will teach students how to be a part time activist while trying to manage full time work.<br />
<strong>Admission Criteria:</strong> Ability to blame Modi maximum times during the interview<br />
<strong>Noted Professors:</strong><br />
THE ASHUTOSH: Professor for English and Communication<br />
Shri Kejriwal: Dharna Management , activism, and use of Social Media, advertising and mass communication<br />
Somnath Bharti: Women’s rights<br />
Vishal Dadlani: Guest lecturer on how to manage activism along with a full-time job.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-70481881349686427282016-05-09T04:21:00.001-07:002016-05-09T04:21:19.120-07:00Habituated with people making way for him, Bihar politician’s son found carrying rocket launcher while navigating Bengaluru traffic<p><strong>Bengaluru:</strong> Bihar politician’s son, Honey Yadav who was on a 2 day visit to Bangalore, was detained by authorities after he was found in possession of a rocket launcher.</p>
<div id="attachment_63300" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63300" src="http://ift.tt/1OaSNcv" alt="Honey Yadav's modified car for navigating Bengaluru traffic" width="300" height="200" srcset="http://ift.tt/1T0sVNs 300w, http://ift.tt/1OaSNcy 768w, http://ift.tt/1T0sUco 980w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Honey Yadav’s modified car for navigating Bengaluru traffic</p>
</div>
<p>Speaking to Faking News a senior official from the Bengaluru Police department said, “We got a message from one of our traffic constable at Silk Board that a person named Honey Yadav was driving with a rocket launcher that was mounted on a monster truck. Initially we thought it was some kind of promotion for a movie, but we later realized that the situation was serious after Mr. Yadav threatened to launch rocket on the entire traffic if it didn’t make way for him.”</p>
<p>Our reporter spoke to Honey to get his version of the story. “I am well aware of the traffic situation in Bengaluru. Back home I usually get people to move out if my way when I am driving. I carry a revolver just in case someone refuses to let me pass. I thought revolver wouldn’t suffice for the Bengaluru traffic. That is why I got a monster truck and this rocket launcher,” as pointed toward the launcher on his monster truck, without being apologetic about the entire incident.</p>
<p>Kaccha Yadav, Honey’s father and a senior politician in Bihar tried his best to hush up the matter. <em>Bachon se galti ho jati hai</em>. I remember when he used to play NFS he used to shoot at the computer screen if there were cars in his way. But at least he has not killed anyone in Bengaluru, then why are you media people blowing it out of proportion?” he questioned, secretly hoping that the incident wouldn’t be the focus of prime time debate.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-39466308953044882242016-05-09T03:21:00.001-07:002016-05-09T03:21:17.465-07:00Tamil Nadu politicians admit that they have run out of free things they can promise to voters<p><strong>Chennai:</strong> With a week remaining for the assembly elections in Tamil Nadu, the politicians are really worried these days. The reason behind their concern is that they have run of free stuff they can promise to voters and are no longer sure what to say over the next week.</p>
<div id="attachment_63297" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63297" src="http://ift.tt/1T6yzTE" alt="Tamil nadu" width="300" height="167" srcset="http://ift.tt/1Yhssdb 300w, http://ift.tt/1T6yA9S 759w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">What else can they promise the voters</p>
</div>
<p>“There is absolutely nothing else we can promise them. We have already covered free mixer, free grinder, free gold, free electricity, free water, free goat, free cow, free laptop, free wifi, free fan, free food and free clothes, what is left? We can’t just tell the voters that this is all we have to offer and now wait for the polling day. We must keep on promising them more free stuff”, said a senior leader of a political party on the condition of anonymity.</p>
<p>When we asked whether they are effectively buying votes by promising all these freebies, the concerned leader got offended and said, “No, not at all. This is knowledgeable Chennai crowd; they can’t be swayed by freebies. In fact, we aren’t giving anything free to them. This is the reward they deserve for coming to the polling booth on the day of the election and saving democracy through their vote.”</p>
<p>As per sources, all the major parties in Tamil Nadu are going to meet at a secret location to come up with a list of things they can still promise for free to the voters. While some have proposed free tickets to Kabali, others have mentioned free trip to Singapore for every Tamil. Free tickets to all matches involving CSK was also proposed but later dropped when they were reminded that CSK is currently serving its suspension.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, AIADMK politicians have also expressed concern that they are running out of places to put Jayalalitha’s posters. “We will hire small airplanes to display Amma’s banners in the sky as there is no space left on the ground”, said a senior party functionary.</p>
<p> </p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-22570437314033005932016-05-09T01:51:00.001-07:002016-05-09T01:51:18.350-07:00IT company scraps paternity leave, says ‘Bride Hunt’ leave makes more sense for their employees<p><strong>Bengaluru:</strong> A Bengaluru based IT company, ForeverAlone Technologies, today announced that it will soon be scrapping paternity leave and instead introduce Bride Hunt leave to help their male staff find a suitable match for themselves.</p>
<div id="attachment_63293" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63293" src="http://ift.tt/1q8xJId" alt="Now go find that bride! " width="300" height="150" srcset="http://ift.tt/1NnXr79 300w, http://ift.tt/1q8xJIf 768w, http://ift.tt/1NnXrnn 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Now go find that bride!</p>
</div>
<p>The company announced that it will not only provide mandatory 1 month off from work for bride hunting, but will also try and arrange suitable matches to help streamline the process.</p>
<p>A close door meeting between the Board of Directors and top management of the company was held last week and apart from deciding the date of the next meeting, the management also decided to introduce this ‘Bride Hunt’ leave.</p>
<p>Speaking to Faking News, the HR Head of the company said, “We were looking to revamp our leave policy when we found out that ‘paternity leave’ was the most underutilized leave in our company. When we tried to understand the reason, we found out that most of the male employees still haven’t crossed the stage of finding the right match. Now we have decided to help our employees ”</p>
<p>A mail from HR dept to all employees regarding the new leave policy was met with much euphoria.</p>
<p>“Finally HR is doing something sensible. I have crossed 30 and still haven’t found a partner. Since I am working 7 days a week on these codes, I have no time to find a partner for myself on my own. Even when my parents tried to set up a match, it didn’t happen because I could never get a leave to go and meet the girl. But now thanks to this policy, I may get married before losing all my hair”, said Ravichandran. (Name changed to protect identity)</p>
<p>The GM of ForeverAlone Tech. Mr. Mirchandani revealed that they are also contributing to the fight against global warming through this initiative. “All the single engineers in our office refuse to go home till late at night. Even if there is no work, they keep downloading movies in the office. Now if they get married, they will leave office early and we will save so much electricity that we spend on lights and Air-Conditioning. This is our contribution to the fight against global warming.”</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the HR assistant at Forever Tech. has started sending list of probable matches to employees instead of usual email listing out the birthdays that day.</p>
<p> </p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-56654672200190863232016-05-08T23:51:00.001-07:002016-05-08T23:51:12.528-07:00Facebook wall: MS Dhoni’s FB wall after losing the last match to RCB<p><img class="aligncenter wp-image-63287" src="http://ift.tt/1Xgw0OA" alt="FB dhoni" width="600" height="740" srcset="http://ift.tt/1QW6tmp 626w, http://ift.tt/1Xgw2Gl 243w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /></p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-48562162953846971702016-05-08T03:06:00.001-07:002016-05-08T03:06:04.025-07:004% of Indians who pay income tax demand minority status and appeasement<p><strong>New Delhi</strong>: Recent news reports showing that only <a href="http://ift.tt/1VYkDf9" target="_blank">4% of Indians pay income tax</a> has triggered another reservation debate in the country. Various people have appealed government to declare income tax payers as minority group and protect them.</p>
<div id="attachment_63277" style="width: 301px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-full wp-image-63277" src="http://ift.tt/1q71iKf" alt="If you know this department, you deserve reservation. " width="291" height="218" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">If you know this department, you deserve reservation.</p>
</div>
<p>Mr. Chavanni Lal, the Chairman of PAN user Group (ChimPanG) demanded, “Since tax payers constitute only 4% of population, they should be accorded with minority status and given preferences in government programs, schemes etc. Once we are officially a minority, next logical step will be that governments will start minority appeasement as they have been doing to other minority groups. Good days are ahead.”</p>
<p>Most of the political parties have decided to play wait and watch game on this issue, as they are yet to find out which religion or caste dominates this newly formed minority group. Moreover, since this group mainly consists of people who prefer to go to work rather than showing up for political rallies, demonstrations or agitations, it is unlikely that the cause will be taken up by any party soon.</p>
<p>On the condition of anonymity, leader from a political party told us, “4% of 125 Cr is a big number. But how many of them vote? I cannot piss off 20-25% voters in order to please less than 4% voters. This equation is mathematically not viable.”</p>
<p>Not deterred by lack of political support, income tax payers sought help from an NGO – ‘PIIDIT’ (Protests, Intellectual Intimidation, Dharna, Ink-attacks & other Techniques) which specializes in organizing protests, agitations, stone pelting and ink attacks. It was promptly decided that next morning they will block railway tracks followed by burning of public property to put pressure on the government.</p>
<p>However, the planned protest fizzled out after only 10% of the people who confirmed their participation reached the venue of agitation. Most of them could not get a leave from their offices. Some of them had no earned leaves left and were not shrewd enough to bunk offices. Those who managed to get a leave, decided to finish pending household works in first half and could reach venue only after lunch. By that time police had already arrested their leaders.</p>
<p>CEO of PIIDIT, Kunthit Kumar was frustrated at the appalling behavior of so called honest tax payers. He told Shaitaan Khopdi™, “How can I help them if they are not even willing to torch few buses and shops? We are professionals, we won’t take law in our hands and get caught. Such things are done by mobs. If you guys worry so much about public property then why waste our time? We are an NGO. We also have to show profits. <em>Koi samaajseva karne nahi baithe hain yaha pe.</em>”</p>
<p>By @shaitaankhopdi</p>
<p>Note – Idea for this article came from a <a href="https://twitter.com/mamtan14/status/727432332265680896" target="_blank">Tweet</a> by <a href="https://twitter.com/mamtan14" target="_blank">Mamta Nigam.</a></p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-21938361821794736072016-05-08T01:36:00.001-07:002016-05-08T01:36:12.164-07:00Big MNCs approach Kejriwal for degree verification and background checks of new hires<p><strong>Mumbai:</strong> Several major MNCs operating in India have approached Delhi CM Mr. Arvind Kejriwal to provide his services for background checks and degree verification of potential recruits.</p>
<p>This has happened after Kejriwal took up the initiative to verify educational credentials of PM of India Narendra Modi and created a stir in media by stating that PM Modi degree is fake without even looking at it. Even FBI sleuths struggle to verify documents at this speed and Kejriwal’s reputation has grown by leaps and bounds after this.</p>
<div id="attachment_63273" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63273" src="http://ift.tt/1SY1R1b" alt="Kejriwal" width="300" height="140" srcset="http://ift.tt/1SY1R1b 300w, http://ift.tt/1XfbEFt 600w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Kejriwal checking Modi’s degree</p>
</div>
<p>Not just educational qualifications, MNCs are looking at Mr. Kejriwal to provide character certificates of the applicants as well. Earlier, he used to inform Indians who is corrupt and who is not just by looking at the face of the person. Corrupt politicians still takes solace in the fact that Kejriwal never called them corrupt although legal courts of India have declared them corrupt based on the available evidence. Now it seems verifying documents and degrees is Kejriwal’s latest venture.</p>
<p>Anita Rai, HR head of a leading software firm which has asked for Kejriwal’s services, is optimistic that Kejriwal will come on board to assist them. “We hire thousands every year and we are not sure who has a real degree and experience letter. Once our newly hired CEO was later found out to be just 10th pass. We need people such as Kejriwal who are passionate about degrees.”</p>
<p>Ashutosh, who left all important work and went to Delhi University to find PM Bachelor’s degree, spoke to us over phone and said, “Sometimes Arvind Ji is unable to tell by looking at someone’s face if degree is genuine or not so we have to go to the University to check. Very soon I will be heading to Yale as well to look for Smriti Irani’s degree.”</p>
<p>When Ashutosh was asked why they didn’t check Jitender Tomar’s degree with such diligence, he disconnected the phone.</p>
<p>It is still not clear whether Kejriwal will be able to provide his services to these firms considering his busy schedule of tweeting about PM, watching new movies, protesting at Jantar-Mantar, holding Press conferences and eulogizing AAP government in Delhi on FM Radio.</p>
<p>By @Aurbolo</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-65428500764846011742016-05-07T23:06:00.001-07:002016-05-07T23:06:16.433-07:00Virat Kohli to motivate Marketing and Sales Executives to reach their targets on time<p><strong>Bengaluru:</strong> After single-handedly beating Rising Pune Supergiants in a must win game of the IPL, Virat Kohli is all set to motivate the sales force of Indian companies. Virat has been approached by several companies to teach their sales executives the art of reaching a target.</p>
<div id="attachment_63270" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63270" src="http://ift.tt/1WS6UVD" alt="Kohli" width="300" height="169" srcset="http://ift.tt/1ZstTWt 300w, http://ift.tt/1WS6U8g 620w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">Chaser Number 1</p>
</div>
<p>Beating the odds in each match, Kohli has attained expertise in how to chase mammoth targets just like how airtel’s mobile network is chased before making an urgent call.</p>
<p>Praising Kohli’s ability to chase targets gracefully, Mr. Zabardsti MaalBechkar (Marketing Head of a Telemarketing company which has a record of making 1000 spam calls a day) said, “We have asked Kohli to teach our employees how to chase customers and sell them products even though when it is not required by them. Be it insurance policy, credit card or personal loan, whenever an employee calls to prospective customer, he is greeted by foul words. Kohli will not only teach them about how to successfully sell the product but also he will teach him how to give befitting reply to those swear words.”</p>
<p>“Initially we thought of having Kohli in our company as the Chief Tele-caller Officer (CTO), but welcoming customer using BC or MC didn’t sound well and hence we dropped the idea just like RCB dropped catches”, said Mr. MaalBechkar while dialing a number to sell products to complete his own targets.</p>
<p>“We hope that Kohli not only gives them the aggression that is required to achieve targets, but also teach them how to eliminate competitors from the market like he virtually eliminaited RPS from the league yesterday “, added Maalbechkar.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, HR manager of a leading IT company has asked Irrfan Pathan to teach their engineers how to spend time productively while sitting on the bench.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-63594425897557603742016-05-06T21:51:00.001-07:002016-05-06T21:51:34.581-07:00Companies to provide ‘Itchguard’ and ‘Moov’ along with the mandatory packet of Peanuts this appraisal season<p><strong>Bangalore. </strong>The proactive manager <a href="http://ift.tt/1K3YDea" target="_blank">Kaamchor Kaalia</a> of Exploitation Unlimited has now devised an innovative way of keeping employees pacified after the performance appraisal.</p>
<div id="attachment_63243" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63243" src="http://ift.tt/1STwPLe" alt="This appraisal season, get more than just peanuts" width="300" height="228" srcset="http://ift.tt/21GxBgZ 300w, http://ift.tt/1STwPLg 667w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">This appraisal season, get more than just peanuts</p>
</div>
<p>He told in the annual meet, “We are not that ruthless as our employees think about us. We have a humane side as well which feels pain of our employees. Till last year it was only peanuts but this year we introduced a lot of variety in peanuts like Masala peanuts, Jeera peanuts, and Sing Bhujia.”</p>
<p>“The employees receiving rating ‘Poor’ would receive no peanuts as we feel that they do not deserve it. They would be laid off the next year if their ratings do not improve. Their reporting managers would be thoroughly rewarded for rating them “Poor” and adhering to the policies of Exploitation Unlimited,” he added.</p>
<p>“Employees under the rating “Needs improvement” would receive a packet of stale peanuts and a tube of ‘Itchguard’ as they are the ones who rather than worrying about their appraisals feel the itch if somebody else gets a good rating. We do not want them to be uncomfortable with their itches. Tube of ‘Itchguard’ would definitely take care of that,” he said with confidence.</p>
<p>“The people receiving ‘Meets expectations’ would receive Masala peanuts along with a small tube of ‘Moov’ to relieve the pain due to extreme hardwork. The people receiving Masala peanuts can use the peanut as chakhna if they somehow manage to buy some beer paying large EMIs,” he clarified.</p>
<p>“The people receiving ‘Exceeds expectations’ would receive flavoured Sing Bhujia along with a big tube of ‘Moov’ and ‘Volini’ spray. Have you people ever heard of a master giving ‘Moov’ and ‘Volini’ to his mule to ease up the pain? We are the first ones, as I told earlier we are not completely heartless,” he pointed out.</p>
<p>“But the reporting managers of employees receiving ‘Exceeds expectations’ rating would be fired for setting up realistic expectations. It is only possible to exceed expectation if expectations are lower. We do not want any manager who is not capable of setting up expectations and targets which are achievable,” concluded the manager.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-21494717892345986812016-05-06T21:22:00.003-07:002016-05-06T21:22:42.994-07:0065 African researchers write to Kanhaiya Kumar to do a tour of Africa for his PhD in African Studies<p><strong>Nairobi</strong>: 65 African researchers have written a letter to AISF student leader and ‘darling of media’ Kanhaiya Kumar.</p>
<div id="attachment_63246" style="width: 269px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-full wp-image-63246" src="http://ift.tt/1ZpaANP" alt="What is the use of doing a PhD in African studies, when you are roaming across India and not Africa?”, wondered an African researcher who is one of the 65 signatories" width="259" height="194" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">What is the use of doing a PhD in African studies, when you are roaming across India and not Africa?” wondered an African researcher who is one of the 65 signatories</p>
</div>
<p>In that letter, they have requested the emerging leader Kanhaiya to do a tour of Africa, which can help in having a deeper understanding of his African studies. They have also revealed that Africa has more poor people than India and has even attached a few photos to show how Africa is suffering from poverty.</p>
<p>After going through the letter, we tried to contact a few of the signatories. Ablablabla Rabler, one such Researcher from the University of Nairobi, was humble enough to respond to us via a phone call.</p>
<p>When asked about the reason for sending a letter to the ‘messiah of media’, Ablablabla said, “Look! When we were trying to find out the ways to bring Africa out of poverty, we tried to look into all possible theories on economics and how to make sure that money reaches to the bottom. All our economic experiments met their dead-end. It was at this time, we read in online news websites from India that there is a new guy called Kanhaiya who has vowed to get poor people to be free from poverty. We listened to his speeches and were convinced that he is the guy we are looking for.”</p>
<p>“Not only his speeches, he also claimed that he is from a poor family and is living on stipends. But he is having an iPhone and travels in business class in flights. Even, well paid researchers like me cannot do it. So, if a poor in India has got access to this much luxury, Kanhaiya can definitely repeat the magic in Africa,” said Ablablabla who has done a PhD in African Economics.</p>
<p>“It is like a ‘one stone-two oranges’ for him too. Not only we will be benefited by his revolutionary ideas, he can also spend his time to work on his PhD thesis. If I’m right, he is doing his PhD in African studies and it will be good if he could visit Africa at least once, which can help him get more ideas for his research,” said Mobango from Harare, who claims that he also has a PhD.</p>
<p>When asked whether they would meet and invite Kanhaiya in person, his voice grew shrill, “We would have flown down to India, but he is in Delhi and we will be forced to urinate on roads there by their Common Man Party. So, we are scared to go there.”</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-46393010812460756392016-05-06T21:22:00.001-07:002016-05-06T21:22:40.898-07:00Onsite aspirant reveals his real ambition is to update Facebook location, not international exposure<p><strong>Hyderabad</strong>: In a ‘truth or dare’ game played by an IT employee and his boss, the employee has reportedly revealed that he is aspiring for onsite opportunities just to change his Facebook location, not for international exposure.</p>
<div id="attachment_63249" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="size-medium wp-image-63249" src="http://ift.tt/1ZpaDsZ" alt="IT employees updating Facebook location after reaching onsite, but before calling parents" width="300" height="300" srcset="http://ift.tt/1ZpaDsZ 300w, http://ift.tt/1STuDU1 100w, http://ift.tt/1ZpaDt8 407w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">IT employees updating Facebook location after reaching onsite, but before calling parents</p>
</div>
<p>Faking News reached HITEC City to meet Rajesh Bikshapathi, the daring employee and here’s what he had to say.</p>
<p>“When I asked my boss for onsite opportunity, he took me to a conference room and asked me to play ‘truth or dare’ game with him. He said, if I successfully dare three times, he would approve my visa request; if I failed three times in order, he would reject my request. I took it up as a challenge and asked him to start the game,” said Rajesh.</p>
<p>“First thing he asked me was to tell what I thought about him and his talent. As visa was my priority, I bullshitted and got through the first round. Then, he asked me to develop a defect free module in Hadoop, giving me just 2 days, for a technology which everyone thinks the whole world is using but no one knows ‘exactly’ beyond google search articles,” he added.</p>
<p>“I’m a regular guy who hasn’t even blogged one technical solution in his life. So, this was going to be difficult for me. As I knew I would lose this round, I asked him to extract another truth from me. He then asked me to describe in a few sentences the reason behind my onsite aspiration. I honored his request and gave him a candid response,” said Rajesh with a straight face.</p>
<p>“Why does everyone want to go onsite these days? The truth is quite simple. Every onsite aspirant is a location update aspirant too. The joy of getting likes on Facebook after updating your location to a foreign country is unmatchable. If there was any other purpose of going onsite, I think it would be secondary,” said Rajesh as he continued to explain what happened next.</p>
<p>“Impressed with the frankness in my answer, my boss immediately approved the visa request. I hope that the consulate too approves my visa and I update my location after that. Waiting for the moment,” Rajesh ended with a dreamy smile on his face.</p>
<p>As per our sources, Facebook location updates have been receiving a lot of social acceptance, with a minimum of 200 likes, even if the aspirant has only 100 friends on Facebook.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5315572657349466098.post-10958649487596624392016-05-06T03:37:00.001-07:002016-05-06T03:37:14.315-07:00America to have more superheroes than regular people by 2030: Report<p><strong>Washington:</strong> Startling figures were revealed by a report made public by CIA that looked to analyze the future demographics of America. According to the report, most Americans would be outnumbered by either superheroes or mutants by the year 2030.</p>
<div id="attachment_63237" style="width: 403px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img class="wp-image-63237" src="http://ift.tt/26ZrLv1" alt="We need more" width="393" height="202" />
<p class="wp-caption-text">We need more</p>
</div>
<p>Speaking to Faking News senior official from CIA said, “America has always been under threat and will always be. Scenes would look straight out of a Hollywood movie. It wouldn’t be possible for these current bunch of superheroes fight them all by themselves. We need to fight Trump trolls, Obesity, Immigrants, Liberals, Slow Internet, Justin Beiber and I can keep going on about this.”</p>
<p>“You have to admit that we done a good job till now. Look how many superheroes we have created till now. Batman, Superman, Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Black Widow, Spider-man and so on. And it will keep growing till we become a nation of superheroes,” he said with a clenched fist.</p>
<p>Although the prospect of being a superhero does sound exciting, but the sentiment on the street is that of scepticism. “I know this superhero thing makes me feel good but I am still not convinced. I mean I have typical American problems. Like what toppings should I have on my pizza. Will they create a superhero who can help me decide?” questioned a Texas based convenience store owner.</p>
<p>“It would come with its own set of challenges which will have to be dealt with,” admitted a senior White House official candidly.</p>
<p>The report also mentions about an emerging market for superhero costumes given that the numbers would exceed the general population in near future.</p>
<p>Some Silicon Valley entrepreneurs are already seeking funds for their startups, hoping to make it big when the superhero bubble inflates in 2030. “With superheroes outnumbering people in America, there will be a huge market for superhero costumes. We up and ready with our venture SuperheroCostumes.com and all geared up for the challenge,” said Jason Smith, a Harvard drop out.</p>
<p>It’s not just costumes, there seems to be a mad scramble to get catchy superhero names and many are ruing the lack of options. “I am a big Iron Man fan and thought I’d get a name that sounds cool and metallic like him. But all the names in the periodic table have already been taken. I am left with few options now,” said Dwayne Farley, a google executive who’s desperately looking for names all over the internet.</p>
<p>Though the report sounded largely optimistic about the role of superheroes in making America Great Again, a section the report that mentioned outsourcing superhero work to cheaper destinations in future, did elicit a concerned response. “Even superheroes are not exempt and we need to do something about it. I mean if a Shaktimaan or Nagraj from India can do what Iron Man can, that too at a lower cost, we’d be doomed. Even a superhero like ‘Anti-Outsourcing Man’ will find it hard to save his own job .</p>
<p>Our reporter tried speaking to Deadpool to get his opinion on the report, but Mr. Pool chose not to speak anything and instead sent us a print out of his middle finger.</p>
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Ruchi Singhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13260203534433237130noreply@blogger.com0