Faking News - leading news satire website of India

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Girl changes her birth-date on Facebook, dumps her boyfriend for forgetting her actual birth-date after he wished her

Delhi. Pragya, a local girl, dumped her boyfriend Anuj for wishing her happy b’day on a wrong date, which she had intentionally set on Facebook just to test how much Anuj loved her.

The idea to set the trap clicked in Pragya’s mind after she herself wished one of her close friends only after she noticed others wishing her friend on Facebook.

May be a savior for others, but definitely not for Anuj.

“Thanks to Facebook, I would have forgotten to wish her otherwise. She felt so happy when I called her at 1 am in the night, she complimented me by saying how a caring person I was,” Pragya revealed the incident which prompted her to set the trap for her boyfriend, “All of a sudden it reminded me of my last birthday when my boyfriend called me at 12:01 am and I said exactly the same words to him.”

It was then, Pragya changed her birth-date on Facebook and started waiting for the D-Day – her fake birth-date. Unfortunately, Pragya’s suspicion was not wrong and Anuj fell into the trap.

Completely unaware of the looming danger, Anuj started watching the latest episode of Homeland minutes before the clock hit 12 and finally he returned to Facebook at 12:30 am.

“Normally, I don’t remove my eyes off Facebook, but when something bad is destined to happen, it happens, no matter what you do. The moment I saw a Facebook notification reminding me of Pragya’s birthday, I was shell shocked. Dude, it was already 12:30 am, I was running 30 minutes late!! Considering the criticality of the situation that was a huge time gap,” Anuj narrated what happened on the unfortunate night of break-up.

Anuj came to his senses after 2 minutes, and he finally called Pragya at 12:32 am. But, he was too late.

“She simply picked up the call and said it was over. Then she disclosed that it was a test and I failed miserably. Had I wished her exactly at 12 am, there would have been a chance. But I was late by 32 minutes, even on her fake birth-date,” a sobbing Anuj further added.

Meanwhile, after the news of Anuj’s break-up with Pragya went public, many people have come out in support of Anuj.

“I don’t think it’s Anuj’s fault, in fact, it’s Facebook’s fault. Facebook is responsible for spoiling us by taking off the burden of remembering birth-dates of our friends and relatives,” explained Samajhdar Shukla, a techie from Bangalore who has started a petition in support of Anuj on Change.org.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Faking Bytes: What they didn’t say

Arvind Kejriwal

What Kejriwal said and what he meant.

Subramanian Swamy

What Swamy said and what he meant.

Jaya Bachchan

What Jaya said and what she meant.

Harbhajan Singh

What Bhajji said and what he meant.

Responsible WhatsApp group admin found tirelessly laughing at every lame joke posted in the group chat

Bangalore. Vipul Das, a full time WhatsApp group admin and a part time IT professional, was found to be tirelessly laughing at every lame joke posted by the group members for the last one year.

Vipul created this WhatsApp group named “We rule” around a year back and added 25 to 30 college friends to it. Since then, Vipul has been playing the role of a warm and caring group admin.

Tears of joy or tears of pain?

“As I am the creator of that group, there is a huge responsibility on me. You can treat me as I am the mother of all the members of the group, as it was me who brought them to the group. So obviously, I am sentimentally attached to each one of them and I truly care for every joke they post,” said Vipul, explaining reason behind his selfless service.

“Every time a group member posts a joke, I feel more worried than him/her. No matter how lame the joke is, I always pray, koi to has do yaar (someone please laugh), or else he will feel demotivated. I do my bit by typing two smileys, sometimes even four, as if it’s the funniest joke in the world. I imagine the satisfaction the joke-poster derives after seeing those smileys and feel good inside,” a teary eyed Vipul continued.

“If you want to know how funny, even your dumbest joke is, read it through the eyes of group admin,” he added.

Elaborating further, Vipul revealed that the intense desire to be a good host, apart from the motherly love, also plays an important part.

“I have invited them, now it’s my job to make them feel comfortable. Being a good group admin is not an easy job at all. You just can’t add people to a WhatsApp group if you don’t have the capability to laugh at their jokes” Vipul told Faking News.

Vipul feels that being such a kind group admin is indeed a selfless service, but it doesn’t go unrewarded. And the rewards are just amazing.

“As was reported earlier, WhatsApp group admins are being preferred for managerial jobs,” he pointed out, “And you get a lot of good karma by making people happy and content.”

“Those who are planning to make a career as WhatsApp group admin, just remember one thing – for a group admin, nothing in the world is more beautiful than the imagined happy faces of group members every time you laugh at a lame joke,” Vipul said in his message to young WhatsApp group admin aspirants.

Sanjay Jha urges Subramanian Swamy to tutor him for Arnab’s Newshour

Mumbai. Breaking political barriers, Congress spokesperson Sanjay Jha, today sought help of senior BJP leader Subramanian Swamy, asking him to help him stand up to Arnab Goswami on Newshour.

Jha, who is now only second to Arnab in terms of appearances on Newshour was reportedly watching the show at his home yesterday with Times Now cameraperson, where Swamy completely tore Arnab apart, calling him things which Arnab wasn’t prepared for.

Jha is planning to have one on one debates with Swamy to learn more.

“While most of the times I am by default there in those debates, when I am not, the Times Now guys keep me ready on standby, in case any of the panelists gets angry and leaves the show in between, which has become quite a norm,” Jha told Faking News, how he was fortunate enough to witness it live.

Jha claims that he was completely mesmerized by Swamy’s bold attitude and conduct and was cheering him like cricket fans cheer for Sachin Tendulkar.

Immediately after the show ended, Jha called up Swamy and urged him to teach him the tricks and ways of countering Arnab and not come out as a loser from the show.

Swamy however called him names too, which Jha denies and is confident that even if he shows 20% of the misplaced reverence, that he shows for Rahul Gandhi, for Swamy, he will be able to convince him to coach him.

“So far I thought Arnab was invincible and hence didn’t try taking him on but I was wrong. But he too gets unsettled if replied back with equal viciousness, the same viciousness Mr Narendra Modi displayed during Gujarat riots,” Jha explained.

At this point our reporter realized Arnab is probably right in turning off Jha’s audio at times and asked him to stick to point.

Jha apologized and said Modi too should have for Gujarat riots, and continued.

“Well if people say Arnab thrashes me because I speak nonsense then Swamy too has shades of silliness in him,” Jha added, making sense for the first time.

Meanwhile when the news reached Robert Vadra, he advised Jha that he could simply manhandle Arnab when nudged on the show.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Govt hopeful of Karishma Tanna solving food crisis after she gives more importance to her make up kit

New Delhi. Govt of India is hopeful if there are more people like Bigg Boss contestant Karishma Tanna in the country, food crisis could be a thing of past.

Govt hailed Karishma’s sincere actions on the show where she has time and again held things like her make-up kit and nominations over and above food in the house.

Inspiring starving people of the country.

“We were amazed to see her letting go off half the weekly ration of entire house (and not just hers) to save herself from nominations, few episodes back. And in yesterday’s episode, she was angry not because there was less food in the house, but because co-contestant Gautam Gulati didn’t agree upon her make-up kit being returned by Bigg Boss. I mean that’s the kind of subtle message that you as a celeb need to send across to the masses,” a source from Department of food and public distribution told Faking News

“Such has been her impact that it has inspired Shri Nitin Gadkari too to have just 5 samosas instead of usual 8 in a go,” the source continued.

“Roti, kapda, makaan is passé. It’s make up, make up and only make up,” he excitedly claimed.

Once evicted, Govt intends to utilize Karishma’s services in motivating poor people to go without food for weeks and not complain.

Whether or not she wins Bigg Boss or not, she has already won hearts of economists who had severely criticized populist schemes like Food Security Bill.

“If more people follow her path, I am sure there would be no need for Food security bill and the money thus saved could thus be used for development,” said a well known economist in his family.

Opposition however credited Rahul Gandhi’s vision for emergence of likes of Karishma Tanna in the country.

“Just like Rahul baba showed us that poverty is a state of mind, Karishma through her actions has conveyed that hunger too is a state of mind,” quipped Digvijay Singh.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Indian beggar makes 53 kgs of candies from ‘Trick or Treat’ Halloween tradition

Mumbai: In a stunning use of real trickery on Halloween night, a beggar utilizing a network of 18 children from the slums was able to make 50 kgs of candies on Halloween night.

Trick or treat

“When I heard about this festival I was so happy I wondered why they do not celebrate this every month,” said Varat, a roadside beggar who has been living in the streets of Mumbai since his birth, “Normally if we go ask for alms no one gives anything but this time we did not have to do anything but just wear ragged clothes and knock on their doors.”

Varat had called on 18 kids from the slum he was living on and asked them to just knock doors in houses saying “Trick or Treat” to get free candies. He also made sure their clothes were a bit torn and their hairs dishevelled to give off a “scary” appearance. He also targeted apartment complexes where many NRI families were living.

“The children were wearing torn and ragged clothes so they must have thought this was some kind of a costume,” said Varat, “Some of them even complimented on how well they have dressed for Halloween.”

Varat also wished they had given out rice or anything that could have been of regular use for them instead of candies. Nevertheless, the candy which was received was quickly sold in a cheaper price for a handsome amount of money for him and the children.

“Next time we will somehow convince them to give out rice. They just need to give something so rice would be very useful for us and would help the children’s family also.”

Seeing the success of this imported festival, Varat is confident that he would be able to form a good strategy for other imported festivals such as La Tomatino and Oktoberfest which provides unused tomatoes and uncompleted beers.

Robert Vadra goes to KBC, attacks Amitabh Bachchan when asked difficult questions

Mumbai. After heckling an ANI journalist in a recently held event at Ashoka Hotel, Congress chief Sonia Gandhi’s charismatic son-in-law and enigmatic businessman Robert Vadra, today attacked superstar Amitabh Bachchan while participating in the television game show Kaun Banega Crorepati.

Robert Vadra, being a part time small farmer, was there in the show for a charitable cause to gather money for his firm Sky Light Hospitality pvt ltd., which looks after the needs of farmers.

Being a celebrity guest, he didn’t have to go through fastest finger first and was straight away taken to the hot seat, just like he’s straight away taken to boarding without security check at airports.

On the show, it all started well with first few questions being easy and mostly related to fitness and gym. Robert answered all of them comfortably and enthusiastically with his dignity intact.

However, situation tuned ugly when Amitabh Bachchan asked Vadra 7^th question, which was related to Haryana Politics and history.

As per eye witnesses, Vadra lost his cool at the mere mention of Haryana and charged towards Big B to make his first blow even before he had finished reading question.

Vadra wore his gloves and was almost ready to knock Big B off.

“Looking at his behavior, Amitabh Sir got confused and thought maybe he was having discomfort answering the question and hence advised him to use lifelines as it was a good deal, else he could land himself in trouble,” disclosed a member of audience.

“The usage of words ‘land’ and ‘deal’ further irked Vadra and he first broke Amitabh’s computer screen with his fist and then charged towards him to snatch the microphone he was wearing on his coat,” he further revealed.

In the process he reportedly asked Senior Bachchan if he was serious four times, while forcing the show’s crew to turn the camera off.

Amitabh then tried to pacify him and said that such questions were asked in KBC and were legal, but Vadra retorted by calling him idiot and asked him if he was nuts.

Amitabh was totally taken aback as last time he had heard this was way back in 90s from a fan who just came out of theatres showing Laal Baadshah.

“Vadra’s aides then heckled our team to get the footage of the episode deleted, and left the set only after they presumed it was deleted,” producer of the show Siddharth Basu told Faking News.

Congress leaders however defended Vadra’a actions and claimed that a private person cannot be asked such questions at a private reality show.

“Bachchan sahab unnecessarily hounded Robert ji by repeating same question and the options in hindi after asking them in English. This is uncalled for,” Digvijay Singh tweeted.

Meanwhile producers of Bigg Boss are keen to get Vadra in after seeing his shenanigans on TV.