Bangalore: Pest repellent product company Odomos has announced a revolutionary new cream which will repel auto drivers who surround unwary passengers as soon as they get off trains and buses and simply refuse to go away unless the passenger accepts their demands.
Odomos’s CEO Pareshan Atma told Faking News, “I once got off a bus at Kalasipalya in Bangalore and I was pushed and carried for almost 1 km by these unruly autowallahs, even though my car had come to pick me. One auto guy then charged me double meter to drop me back to my car. I had decided that day that I would have my revenge.”
Spot the passenger
According to scientists at Odomos, the new cream has been tentatively named Autoboss after the irritating ‘Aaato Baaasss’ cry which greets passengers even before the bus enters the stand. The company’s head of R&D, Machcharjeet Singh told us, “Autoboss works on the principle of ‘Like poles repel’, so our extremely smelly and obnoxious cream will repel the smelly and annoying auto guys who comes near you.”
However, human rights groups are up in arms against this new cream which they say is demoralizing poor innocent auto guys who are only trying to make new tourists feel at home by hugging them, walking alongside them, telling them about all the seedy hotels in the vicinity and carrying them and their luggage on their shoulders.
Environment protection groups have also protested saying that there are eco-friendly ways of doing this like singing Himmesh Reshamiya songs which has been proven to repel even the most stubborn auto driver.
Citizens across the country have expressed delight at the product and many have pre-ordered a year’s supply of Autoboss. Chaman Lal, a regular traveler to Delhi said, “I have been jostled around so much by these auto wallahs that I have to buy new clothes each time after exiting the station. Now I will teach them a lesson. Another Bangalore resident JoJi Joseph who was forcibly made to take a room in a 5 star hotel by an auto wallah so that he could get his commission, also echoed Chaman’s view.
However, many people are supporting the auto drivers on this issue. Mr Geoffery Bhaicoat, a British citizen and a frequent visitor to Bangalore said, “I cannot afford to go to rock concerts, and so whenever I want to get the feel of a moshpit and crowd-surfing, I visit the nearest bus stand and act like a newly arrived passenger, the auto drivers do the rest.”
Another Delhi resident Mr Pigloo Sen was also with the auto drivers. “I live 3 kms from the station but I am scared to walk home alone at night so I act interested and ask a few auto guys if they will come and that’s it, they walk with me and carry me around almost till my home. God bless them”, he said.
Ramanujam, a maths student too has expressed his love for the auto drivers, “They always talk in fractions like 1.5, double, 3.5. and so on. So clever with numbers.”
Meanwhile in a surprise move, the apex body of mosquitoes in India, Machhar India Movement (MIM), too has welcomed the product. MIM’s secretary Miss Anu Pheles said, “The deadly smoke these autos release has been a major reason for our low presence in Bangalore, we hope this new cream Autoboss will hurt them the same way they have hurt us.”
This news has brought considerable respite to Expedia and Hotels.com, the chief rivals of auto drivers in the hotel room booking industry.
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