Washington, DC. Syria can breathe easy for now. Obama has dropped all his plans to attack the Arab Republic accused of human rights violation, and is instead planning to attack those Facebook users who have been using his pictures in comments.
“The President is mighty pissed off,” a White House spokesperson confirmed, “He has sought Congress approval to attack all such users; and he could start with Indian users.”
The picture comment that proved to be the tipping point
The spokesperson showed this Faking News reporter various pictures that had Barack Obama in different poses with ludicrous captions written on them. One of those pictures had the caption – Give this man 10 kilo onion – and reportedly it moved the US President to tears.
“He wiped his tears and said – finish these assholes – and that’s when we told Syria to chill as we would be attacking these guys with full force,” disclosed the spokesperson.
Sources say that tracking these guys who are posting such random comments won’t be a tough ask because Obama already knows everything about everyone’s online identity.
“Remember PRISM, NSA, and Snowden?” an expert pointed out, “Even if Snowden was lying, Zuckerberg will not disobey CIA orders. The commentators are doomed now.”
Experts and divided over the kind of attack US could be planning. While some believe that the users could be arrested and thrown into laughing gas chambers where they choke to death, others believe that it could be a simple cyber attack.
“Their relationship status could be changed, or embarrassing status messages could be put on their Facebook profile, or maybe their inbox could be made public,” experts predicted the nature of attack US could unleash.
“They used Obama to laugh, and now Obama will use them to laugh,” an expert claimed.
When Faking News contacted the Defense Ministry of India to find out if they were taking steps to save the citizens from this attack, Defense Minister AK Antony said the issue was being handled by telecommunication minister Kapil Sibal.
We didn’t bother to ask Mr. Sibal as our sources claim that Sibal is already creating a database of Facebook users who are using pictures of him, Digvijay Singh, Manmohan Singh, and most importantly, Rahul Gandhi in comments.
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