Faking News - leading news satire website of India: October 2013

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Pestered with questions, Sachin announces his retirement from Book Cricket too

Mumbai. Fed up with constant hounding by Indian media, Sachin Tendulkar has now decided to retire from Book Cricket as well. He has further declared the day and date on which he will play his last game.

It all started after a close friend of Sachin disclosed to some media persons that Sachin regularly played Book Cricket with his son Arjun. Little did the friend knew that he had opened the Pandora’s box for Sachin. Almost seconds after that disclosure, Tendulkar was inundated with calls from media houses asking him to reveal when he wished to play his last match in this format of the game.

Sources say that Sachin became so irritated with media’s persistent pestering that he officially announced his retirement from Book Cricket to get over with all the frenzy surrounding his career, though unofficially he may continue to play the game.

Sachin, apparently playing Book Cricket.

Media and cricket experts and not surprised with the latest developments.

“A whole industry has come up around Sachin doing things for the last time before retirement. Some journalists were even seen asking Sachin if the cards that he plays during Diwali would be his last or not. In fact, yesterday there was a huge media outrage when authorities failed to felicitate or give a grand farewell to master blaster who played his last gully cricket match against Bandra che Mulghe XI on Perry cross road right outside his bungalow,” an expert revealed.

However senior mediapersons have denied these allegations and called them baseless.

“Now that he has decided to hang up his boots in Book Cricket, our sole intention is to make sure that his last game in this format is as ~~lucrative~~ memorable for us everybody as all other formats,” Bora Mazedar, a senior official from a leading news channel told Faking News.

Sources confirm that preparations for the last book cricket game that Sachin will play are in full swing. Various publishing houses are lobbying hard over the ~~venue~~ book on which the legend will play his last match. BCCI could soon organize an auction to settle this issue.

Talks are on with few gifted ~~weightlifters~~ cricketers like Yusuf Pathan to be a part of the much hyped match so that after it is over, there is somebody to carry Sachin on his shoulders and give him a rousing farewell.

Negotiations are also on for the television rights of the match after many Sports channels showed interest. Here, BCCI feels they have the right over the revenues since anything and everything to do with cricket in India comes under their jurisdiction, even if it’s a personal match.

There are rumors that ex-cricketer and Sachin’s Mumbai teammate Vinod Kambli has already ~~been~~ approached by many news channels. Kambli has apparently told them how Sachin didn’t help him enough to save his Book Cricket career when Kambli was going through a rough patch.

Meanwhile, away from all this, search is also on to establish if Sachin plays Cricket 2013 on his laptop or PlayStation, and if he does, when does he intends to retire from this format of the game.

After Micromax, Hugh Jackman to be brand ambassador for Onions

New Delhi. The Food Ministry has revealed that with the prices of onions refusing to come down, they have given up on the food item and decided to hire Hugh Jackman as the brand ambassador for the vegetable to make it appear worth the price.

Hugh Jackman’s latest avatar

While there were no comments from Jackman’s side, Union Food Minister Porf. K V Thomas confirmed the move.

“Yes we have hired Jackman aka Wolverine daa,” Thomas said to this Faking News reporter, “After Micromax hired him, everybody is taking them seriously and thinking Micromax phones are worth the price. Now with Wolverine daa endorsing onions for us, people will start appreciating the vegetable too.”

“After all, a lot of middlemen put in a lot of effort to hoard the vegetable and it needs to be appreciated,” he explained.

“Wolverine daa also has a lot of claws, with which he can cut the onions easily, making him the ideal brand ambassador,” Prof. Thomas added, “People should stop worrying about the price rise and see how cool is it to buy and cut onions.”

Kohli mask hot favorite Halloween costume in Australia

Sydney, Australia. No, it’s not the costume of zombies or ghouls that is topping this year’s chart of Halloween costume in Australia – it’s team India uniform with Virat Kohli’s mask, which is scaring the hell out of Australians.

After yesterday’s blow at Nagpur, Kohli has turned out to be the worst nightmare for Australian cricket team and for Australian people alike, and its effect is clearly visible in this year’s Halloween celebrations.

It all started last night in Sydney when a group of Indians wearing team India’s blue jersey and Kohli’s mask stepped out on the roads. Seeing them, people started running all around screaming for help, but later, when they realized that it was a Halloween costume, they loved the idea.

And within hours, this costume idea went viral across whole Sydney and other cities of Australia. People were spotted sporting Kohli look and spooking each other.

A typical Halloween moment in Australia

Some of the trademark Kohli gestures, like showing off middle finger and using Hindi gaalis, have also grabbed people’s attention and they are using it with Kohli costume to appear deadlier.

Back in India, Australian captain George Bailey wore an Ishant Sharma mask and Shehnaz Hussain wig to scare the Indian team, but everyone started laughing, spoiling Bailey’s Halloween plans.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Why you shouldn’t give Virat Kohli a target of 300

Once again, Virat Kohli helped India successfully chase a target in excess of 300 runs. The opposition team should now understand what happens when they score over 300.

This is Virataaaaaaaaaaaa

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Terror attacks have made Bihar more backward, give special status: Nitish Kumar

Patna. While the discussion on the latest terror attacks during BJP’s rally has been revolving around Indian Mujahideen, intelligence inputs, and Narendra Modi, Nitish Kumar has revolved it further by seeing a bright side to it.

The Bihar Chief Minister expressed hope that the state would be counted as even more backward after terror attacks took place in Patna and Gaya this year.

Think about positive things, Nitish Kumar said.

“Raghuram Rajan ji should do a fresh study. Terrorism destroys property and infrastructure, so Bihar must have slipped on the backwardness scale even more,” Nitish said, reacting to media queries about his thoughts on what steps Bihar should take after the serial blasts in Patna.

“Our aim is to get the special status through secular means,” he added, but refused to clarify if he meant that Indian Mujahideen’s acts were “secular”.

Sources tell Faking News that the state government was not taking the situation lightly and was deeply concerned over recent developments, such as an NSSO survey indicating sharpest decline in poverty in Bihar and Planning Commission scrapping Raghuram Rajan’s index that showed Bihar as one of the least developed state.

“Due to terrorism, the quality of life will also go down, apart from destruction to infrastructure, thus adding to overall backwardness,” an official in the state government argued, “Let’s be patient and not give any knee jerk reactions over simple issues like bombs still being found in Gandhi Maidan.”

“Every cloud has a silver lining in every cloud,” the official explained the attitude of the state government towards the serial blasts.

Unreliable sources say that with such arguments, the state government is getting ready to defend itself if the report, which claimed that Patna serial blasts mastermind Tehseen Akhtar was a nephew of a JD(U) leader, was found to be true.

“They will say that it ultimately helped in getting special status for the state,” a source explained.

No specific intelligence input was given about location of gold, ASI says

Lucknow. Having failed to find any hidden treasure of gold reserves beneath the Unnao fort, ASI (Archeological Survey of India) has blamed the absence of any “specific intelligence” for this fiasco.

“We had only general inputs from Sadhu Shobhan Sarkar that gold could be there, but no specific intelligence input had come,” claimed ASI chief Babu Rajeev after the excavation was called off earlier today.

What lies beneath? Ghanta?

“Unnao fort is quite big and it’s not possible to dig every part of it. Sadhu baba should have been more specific in his inputs,” he reiterated.

As soon as the claim about “specific intelligence” was made, Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar came out in support of ASI.

“You can’t blame ASI for all this. Sadhu Baba should have given exact GPS location of the bomb, I mean, gold. I’ve heard that Unnao Fort is as big as Gandhi Maidan of Patna, people should understand the challenges involved,” the Bihar CM underscored the need of specific intelligence.

Sadhu Shobhan Sarkar is obviously not happy with such comments questioning his intelligence.

“In knowledge fields like astrology, journalism, and counter terrorism intelligence, you can’t expect specific inputs and predictions. Such sectors have been running on generic knowledge and inputs for long. We are not data entry operators to provide specific inputs,” a representative of Shobhan Sarkar told Faking News.

The representative quickly clarified that Shobhan Sarkar was only upset with Nitish Kumar’s remarks and not with the ASI.

“Unlike the government, at least ASI did something after receiving an intelligence input, no matter how idiotic and vague that was,” the representative said.

It’s not yet clear if he was terming the actions of ASI or the intelligence inputs as idiotic and vague.

While everyone was talking about intelligence, Congress leader Digvijay Singh tweeted, “Appears that someone dug faster than the ASI from other side of the Earth and took away all the gold. Must be the NRI RSS supporters based in the USA.”

BJP asks Election Commission to ban saas-bahu serials as they can influence voters

Jabalpur. After Congress asked the Election Commission to hide lotus ponds in Madhya Pradesh as it could influence voters to vote for BJP, which has lotus as election symbol, BJP has demanded a ban on saas-bahu serials on TV as it can help Congress.

The common man is happy that no political party’s election symbol is an eye, else they might have been asked to dress up like this during the elections.

“Our star campaigner and PM candidate Narendra Modi ji has compared the ongoing drama in India with saas-bahu-daamad serials. This has led to people associating Gandhi family with saas-bahu serials. And hence such serials are indirectly promoting Congress,” a local BJP leader, Kamal Chand claimed.

The leader went on to add that not only saas-bahu serials, even shows like Comedy Nights With Kapil, and Jodha Akbar should be banned in the state till elections are over.

“There is laughter in Comedy Nights With Kapil and there is Shehzaada in Jodha Akbar, both these TV shows indirectly promote Congress youth icon Rahul Gandhi,” Kamal explained.

“In fact, even Bigg Boss should be banned, it promotes Sonia Gandhi,” he further demanded.

When asked why they are not asking the Election Commission to direct people to wear hand gloves as it would hide Congress’ election symbol, the BJP leader said that the party was not that despo yet. However, he did suggest some other steps.

“Taxi drivers shouldn’t wipe the windscreens with clothes, and there should be no wipers allowed as well. Those movements totally resemble the way Manmohan Singh and Rahul Gandhi move their hands while waving to the crowds,” Kamal told Faking News.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Salman Khan fan busy defending him on Twitter while his family stuck in fire

New Delhi. In an incident that has taken fangiri to a new high, a Salman Khan fan risked the lives of his family to fight for the honor of his favorite movie star.

Chutam Singh, a resident of Madipur in West Delhi went on defending and rescuing his screen idol from outraging users on Twitter and Facebook while his own family members stuck in a fire in his house waited for him to rescue them.

Chutam embarked upon this journey after he saw some tweets criticizing Salman for unfairly favoring alleged celebrity Tanisha Mukherjee in the alleged reality show Bigg Boss. Salman was accused of being rude and arrogant to another female contestant Gauhar Khan on the show.

“Bhai ka tashan!” said Chutam while watching this event that led to the fights on social media.

Unfavorable comments on his favorite star filled Chutam with fury and his eyes burned with rage. At the same time, his sofa started burning due to the cigarette he threw in anger, but sallubhairocks87 (as he’s known on Twitter) couldn’t realize it. He stormed into his bedroom, locked the door from inside, and proceeded to engage in a decisive battle with those making adverse comments on Salman.

While he scalded Salman haters with scathing comments like “bhaag bho$@&#e”, he simultaneously applied for a 3-days leave to wholeheartedly dedicate all his time in defending the Bigg Boss host who is known for being human.

“After having been part of such discussions for 187 times now, I knew that any Sallu bhai related trend remains on Twitter for 2-3 days, if not more,” Chutam explained the logic behind taking leaves.

In the meantime, his sofa was on fire and his wife’s saari also caught fire while she tried to douse the fire in the drawing room.

Sources say that Chutam mistook his wife’s shouts for help as moaning of those Salman haters whom he was slaying one after another.

“This is nothing; on an earlier occasion, he had beaten up his own bhai (brother) after his brother said that he preferred SRK over Salman,” a neighbor of Chutam told Faking News.

Chutam’s wife and brother were rescued by neighbors who heard their screams for help. It was only when his wife screamed that his collection of CDs and posters of Salman Khan is also about to burn that his deaf ears came to life and he came out of his bedroom.

The neighbors suspect that Chutam could deliberately have let his wife suffer for sometime as she too didn’t like Salman’s actions on the show. “That day he had pushed and slapped her and told her that bhai was right and we must respect women,” revealed a neighbor.

While Chutam is being criticized for his behavior by most sane persons, association of Salman Khan fans have lauded his actions and have claimed that with this, the record of fangiri, which was earlier held by a Shah Rukh Khan fan who left his family to praise SRK, was broken.

Shinde requests terrorists to attack on days he has no social commitments

New Delhi. Facing criticism over attending music launch of a film after bomb blasts in Patna, Home minister Sushil Kumar Shinde has made public the list of his appointments for the rest of the year.

He has requested all the terror organizations to avoid indulging in terror activities on those particular days when he has a prior appointment such as inaugurating some fashion show or attending birthday parties.

Home Minister in Mumbai after serial blasts in Patna

Earlier, Mr. Shinde was severely criticized by everyone for choosing to attend the music release of Kangna Ranaut’s film Rajjo even after receiving the news of bomb blasts in Bihar.

This is not the first time that Mr. Shinde has received such criticism. In May this year, he was questioned for staying back in the USA even after the deadly Naxal attack on Congress leaders in Chhattisgarh.

Speaking to the journalists while releasing this list, Mr. Shinde said, “See, as a Home minister I do have certain commitments and I must meet them. Do you want a home minister who makes a promise and then doesn’t keep them? I had promised that I will be at this music launch and I was there. Now how was I supposed to know that there will be a terror attack on the same day?”

“I am issuing this list so that terror outfits make note of the days when I am busy and avoid any nefarious activity on those particular days. I am open to working on Sundays. I am willing to work at night too as I displayed after Hyderabad blasts, but please don’t make me cancel my appointments,” Mr. Shinde requested the terrorists.

When this Faking News reporter asked why he is giving a window to terrorists instead of working to ensure there are no terror attacks, Mr. Shinde replied, “See, as Rahul Gandhi ji had said, 99% of the terror attacks can be stopped but 1% will get through. I just want that 1% to happen when I am not occupied in something important.”

In another related development, Sources reveal that Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar called up Sushil Shinde to thank him for diverting the outrage towards him.

ISI embraces secularism, will reach out to riot affected Hindus too

Islamabad, Pakistan. After Rahul Gandhi claimed that ISI was reaching out to riot affected Muslim youth in Muzaffarnagar, the Pakistani intelligence agency has decided to reach out to riot affected Hindu youth too in order to be “secular”.

“See, we want to succeed in India, and it appears that you must be secular to do well in India. That’s why we decided to reach out to Hindus as well,” ISI chief Ali Pasha said in an interview with Faking News.

A few voices of support were heard in Pakistan too

“Yes, we know that Hindus too are killed in communal riots, despite what our friends in India say and want to believe,” Pasha flaunted his knowledge about domestic issues and politics of India.

“I also know that such deaths might not be treated as arising out of communal riots after the Communal Violence Bill is passed in India, but we will continue our good work and reach out to relatives of those who are killed in what we recognize as communal violence,” Pasha elaborated his future plans.

ISI termed their latest strategy as “Inclusive Terrorism” – something that many experts believe is being practiced in Pakistan right now.

When asked if such moves won’t make them like any other political force claiming secularism in India, ISI chief said, “Of course! And that’s the best way to ruin India. Our ends have not changed, only means have.”

Ali Pasha further showed this reporter two buckets of blood, one of a Hindu and other of a Muslim, and asked him to tell the difference. He did it to prove his secular credentials.

ISI’s politically correct move has shocked many. Terror guru Hafeez Saeed, otherwise a friend of the intelligence agency, expressed his unhappiness and termed the step “blasphemous”, but the Pakistani agency has won some hearts in India.

“A secular enemy is always better than a communal enemy,” Congress leader Digvijay Singh tweeted.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

People wearing Pink shirts pledge support to Narendra Modi

Patna. After a group of animal lovers declared their support to Rahul Gandhi because the Congress leader loved dogs (ones with four feet), BJP’s Narendra Modi too got support from a group of men who love to wear pink shirts and kurtas.

The BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate was earlier spotted wearing pink waistcoat in Hunkaar Rally here by a volunteer of the group that aims to unite men wanting to wear more pink than is socially acceptable.

Narendra Modi has been spotted wearing pink on earlier occasions too

“Women have appropriated the color pink, and we men have tough time picking this color without being ridiculed as being feminine,” Rohit Raj, one of the activists of “Mardon Wali Gulaabi Gang” told Faking News.

“We were smitten by Narendra Modi wearing pink during the rally. Real men wear pink,” he added, “My vote will go to NaMo for picking pink over usual colors like blue or black.”

Rohit soon updated his views on the Facebook page he manages and he got support from scores of pink loving men who started “liking” and commenting on the post.

“Right man in wrong colored party,” one of the comments read as volunteers declared that they will surely vote for Modi in the coming elections.

There were a few dissenting voices too. One guy named Sanjay Jha declared that he will throw away and burn down his pink chaddi because the color was now associated with a person he can never support. He also unliked the page, sources say.

However, as the “likes” on the post crossed 400, the “Mardon Wali Gulaabi Gang” declared support for Narendra Modi. Some further commented that they also liked the well trimmed white beard of Modi and that was an additional reason for their political support.

Experts hail this development, and the earlier development of animal lovers supporting Rahul Gandhi for his love for dogs and for having dimples on his cheeks, as signs of maturity of the Indian democracy.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Indian onions selling at Rs 45 in Bangladesh, illegal immigrants moving back

New Delhi. At a time when price of onion is making new records everyday in India and people are compelled to change their food habits, our neighbour Bangladeshis are enjoying the luxury of buying onions at Rs 45 per kg, which is almost half of what Indians are paying.

Add worse, those onions in Bangladesh were exported by India.

Neighbor’s Envy, Owner’s Pride?

Now latest reports say that illegal Bangladeshi immigrants living in various parts of India are now going back to their country to enjoy food with onion.

Talking to Faking News, Saleem, an illegal immigrant told us that he had come to India only a few weeks back after learning about Food Security Bill, but now he realizes that the situation is better back home.

“I had a bland Bakr-Eid as there were not enough onions for the mutton we had. I’d rather go back,” he said. He is carrying a kg of onion which he bought for Rs 100 to show his relatives in Bangladesh as they have never seen such costly onion in their lives.

Many other immigrants confirmed this home-going, which has inspired the UPA government to list it as one of their “achievements”.

“We put national interest before personal interest. While these immigrants were a solid vote bank for us, we cared for India first,” said Digvijay Singh, who conceded that he was in a dilemma, but was happy that Rahul Gandhi would have something new to talk about in the next election rally.

Later, we contacted Rahul Gandhi to know his opinion.

“We have actually used the theory of ‘Osmosis’. Currently in India, there is a low concentration of onions, that’s why the price is high. While in Bangladesh they have comparatively higher concentration of onion, which is intentionally created by us by exporting onions to them. So now Bangladeshis are moving from low concentration zone to higher concentration zone,” the young Congress leader explained using a term from Science, something he has started loving since Escape Velocity reference.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Family tattoos their BBM PINs on forehead, talk with each other only through BBM

New Delhi. Taking the ongoing frenzy of sharing BBM (BlackBerry Messenger) PINs to a new level, all members of a family from Sarojini Nagar here have tattooed their PINs on their forehead to share it with entire universe.

Not just that, they have stopped chatting to each other and are communicating only through BBM, making them the only set of individuals speaking less than Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.

A member of the Batra family

When Faking News tried to talk to the family members, they refused a vocal interview. Later this reporter installed BBM on his mobile and we could get an exclusive interview.

“We are proud to be a 100% BBM family; happier than Nehru-Gandhi parivaar or Sangh parivaar” messaged Mr. Gulab Batra with a winking smiley.

“We felt that updating our BBM PIN on Facebook was not enough, as many residents of our colony are not yet on Facebook. We wanted the whole world to know about this great feat we had achieved, and that’s when we decided to get it tattooed on our foreheads,” Mr. Batra further messaged.

Mr. Batra later sent some cryptic message about strong and healthy hair which this reporter couldn’t understand how it was related to BBM.

Sources confirm that the Batra family has completed 14 rounds of the whole colony since they installed the BBM PINs on their forehead this morning. This is higher than rounds undertaken by their colony watchman every night. They are even planning to visit their native village over the weekend.

As per Mr. Batra, his family is the most hi-tech family in the entire colony. His wife, Mrs. Phoolberry Batra, messaged us that other families of her colony were quite old fashioned and were still using the outdated per-BBM-renaissance messenger service – WhatsApp.

Meanwhile other families of the colony are irritated to their core.

“We blocked them on Facebook after they created an event called ‘Share your BBM PIN’ and invited us all. Now they have gone totally crazy. We have called an emergency meeting of colony members to deal with this menace,” Mr. Gupta, a neighbor of Mr. Batra’s family said.

Friday faking release: We Are Family

Inspired by Rahul Gandhi's recent speeches, filmmakers have decided to recreate the movie with new casts.

Inspired by Rahul Gandhi’s recent speeches, a filmmaker recreated the movie with new casts.

US gets Coal Scam info while spying on PMO, India may attack US to destroy clues

New Delhi. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who risked existence of his government over the Indo-US Nuclear Deal, is all set to turn into an anti-US warrior.

Unbelievable as it may sound, India is getting ready to attack US and destroy some tapes that were recorded by the NSA while spying on the Indian Prime Minister’s Office.

Happy days are over?

These tapes have vital information about the coal scam, sources say.

However, the government is refusing to accept that coal scam is reason behind the possible military attack. “We are doing it for the sovereignty and respect of our country. How dare they spied on our respected Prime Minister!” said Rahul Gandhi, almost yelling at the reporters.

“We should be ready to fight for the honor. goli, bomb khaayenge, congress, nahi desh, desh ki izzat bachayenge,” Rahul gave a new slogan and walked away after folding his sleeves.

When Faking News asked PMO officials that why Rahul Gandhi, and not the Prime Minister, was addressing the press over such an important issue, the officials refused to comment.

Meanwhile people across the country are almost in a state of shock after realizing that US was their new enemy.

“All these days we were asking for tough action against Pakistan, and we got this! I can’t even recall Sunny Deol beating up some bad American guy,” said a Delhi lad, Vicky.

“Yaar, kabhi Amrika ko us nazar se dekha nahi,” he added, explaining his predicament.

It’s not only the Indians, but rest of the world is also startled by India’s newly found assertiveness and aggression. Pakistan and China are worried if they could be next. However, some experts say that they could take a chill pill as the land they are grabbing doesn’t have any coal mines.

Meanwhile, trying to ease the tension, America has ignored the allegations of tapping Manmohan Singh’s phone. “Why will be tapping his phone? It’s of no use,” said a White House spokesperson.

But sources say that the US has dumped the tapes in Pacific Ocean as they were scared of a full blown war.

“CIA said that Indian Government will go to any extent to destroy the presence of such tape, so it’s better to back off,” revealed our highly placed source in Pentagon.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Government suspends Rahul Gandhi’s security guards for failing to kill mosquitoes

New Delhi. Barely a few hours after Rahul Gandhi disclosed the unfortunate incident of 2009, when he was ambushed and barbarically bitten by an army of 25 thousand mosquitoes, Government of India has suspended his security guards who were on duty at that time.

“Rahul Ji never revealed this fact till now as he was afraid that the poor security guards would be fired, so he took a big risk and decided to not tell it to anybody,” said Rahul’s political mentor Digvijay Singh, “But now that we know, we can’t ignore such a dangerous security lapse, tough steps need to be taken.”

Reportedly, a couple of days earlier, while he was in Rajasthan, he saw a mosquito roaming around him. He immediately recognized it as it was the same one that was leading the group of 25000 mosquitoes back in 2009. A terrified Rahul couldn’t sleep the whole night.

“ek bhi machchhar khatarnaak hai”

Next day, at a rally in Churu, he finally revealed that his life is in danger, but didn’t disclose the reason. However, he couldn’t keep the secret with him for long and today he claimed how these flying monsters were after his life.

The revelations by the young Gandhi has left everyone in the party and government jittery. In a hurriedly called meeting by the Home Minister, the security guards were held responsible for this serious breach in security.

But the security guards have refused denied that any laxity on duty. “We have never left Rahul baba alone and we can’t recall any such incident. Maybe the mosquitoes bit him when he went near a bush to take a leak. We can’t really accompany him to those places,” claimed Sanjay Jha (name changed), the suspended security guard.

Apart from suspending the guards, the central government has issued a high alert in all areas where Rahul Gandhi is scheduled to visit for rallies. Special mosquito killer teams have been deployed at those places.

“Senior bureaucrats, who have become expert at killing flies in office, are personally leading and training such teams,” a government source told Faking News.

The source further revealed that Rahul’s security has been enhanced from Z+ to Z-Mortein-Plus. He will be surrounded by a team of 36 guards, who will be carrying and spraying mosquito repellents twice per hour. When he will be out of his car, he will always be under a big mosquito net.

“If the mosquitoes fly too high, we will take help of Air Force,” informed Home Minister Shushil Kumar Shinde, explaining the gravity of situation.

Meanwhile, a senior BJP leader mocked Rahul’s drama and claimed that mosquitoes were present even during Narendra Modi’s rallies, but not a single mosquito survives when people start clapping.

After Dhoni’s, Jadeja’s house attacked for failing to stop rain in Ranchi

Jamnagar. After attacking MS Dhoni’s house with stones in Ranchi, unidentified people have now attacked Ravindra Jadeja’s house here.

Police suspects that it was work of some angry fans, who were irked with Sir Jadeja for failing to stop the rains and preventing the match from getting abandoned.

Sir, when he was sir.

Faking News talked to some fans, and they were indeed angry.

“What’s the point of possessing all these supernatural powers if you can’t even negotiate with your own colleagues (Lord Indra in this case) and get some work done,” a fan questioned Jadeja’s much hyped abilities.

“We came to witness his magical powers, but we lost both our money and belief in his abilities,” rued another fan removing posters of Jadeja from his drawing room.

Fans feel Sir Jadeja didn’t try enough to ensure that India gets to bat and chase the total.

“He could have easily lifted the stadium on his shoulders and shifted it to some other place, probably near a desert where it was not raining,” a fan suggested, “Or he could have reversed the coin during toss which could have resulted in Dhoni losing it and India batting first.”

Cricket lovers further feel that it’s high time the title of “Sir” is snatched away from the all-rounder and given to Ishant Sharma instead.