Thursday, February 6, 2014

Ghosts are shy and introvert: Research

Bangalore. A research paper published in a leading international science journal by an Indian origin scientist, Dr. Bhootnath, claims that ghosts are intrinsically shy and introvert.


Dr. Bhootnath, who has spent years researching on behavior of ghosts and ghouls, has cited some valid reasons to support his conclusion. Few of them are listed here:


"I am what I am"

“I am what I am”



1. Like any other normal introvert person, ghosts enjoy solitude. They love to live alone in deserted bungalows and old forts. They hate socializing and prefer to spend time alone. Probably that’s why you never find them at crowded places like discotheques and shopping malls.


2. They avoid doing attention seeking things. For example, look at their clothes. With so much power, they could easily manage to get top brand outfits, but they don’t. No ghost yet seen in Gucci or Armani suits, but so many in simple white unbranded sarees. They are simply not comfortable with people staring at them.


3. Introverts are good listeners, so are the ghosts. They listen to people all them time, without even letting them know. They sit quietly in a corner of room and watch people talking for hours – without taking part in the conversation.


4. They like to think a lot and choose their word carefully before speaking. They just don’t like to talk crap. Be it making gothic sounds or sending some impactful message, they only use well-thought-of words. Talkative ghosts are very rare.


5. They believe in deep and meaningful relationships. If they decide to come after you, it’s hell of a job to get rid of them. Even in movies, you must have noticed that they focus on destroying only one family. Introverts too have very few relationships, and those few have strong bond.


6. Like a typical introvert, ghosts too dislike conflict. In fact, they hate it so much that they often kill people to end the conflict.


7. Ghosts prefer to work alone and and are not a big fan of team work. That’s why incidents of ghosts attacking in group are hardly reported. They move alone and hunt alone. Although, some exceptions are there, like a ghost woman being seen with her ghost child.


8. Like an introvert, ghosts often express themselves through writing. There are many cases of ghosts scribbling words on walls to pass their message. If required they even use blood of others to do that, they are so passionate about writing.



Facebook movie of various celebs leaked

Last night Faking News could access Facebook movies of various celebs. Here are details of few of them.
































Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Hundreds of teachers claiming to have taught Satya Nadella demand media attention

Manipal. While media could find some colleagues and former teachers of the new Microsoft CEO, hundreds others are still waiting and trying for the media to reach them. The queue outside the Manipal Institute has been getting longer, literally by the minute, sources tell Faking News.


A number of people, all of who claim to have taught Satya Nadella in school and college, have come together to give their opinion on how he was destined for greatness.


These teachers and professors have been preparing to give the details of their association with Satya Nadella when he was studying there and his school in Andhra Pradesh, but the media is being irresponsible in not telecasting their views, they say.


Satya Nadella

Do you also know him personally?



“I taught Satya Nadella when he was 18 years old. He was the brightest student in my class and I knew he is going to make the country proud one day,” one of the teachers claimed.


“I taught Satya Nadella when he was 19 years old. He was the brightest student in my class and I knew he is going to make the country proud one day”, another teacher standing in the queue next to him told this reporter, mistaking him to be a reporter from a top news channel.


A policeman standing there to ensure that there is no untoward incident told Faking News that he had once seen Satya Nadella walking out of the Manipal campus when he was posted as a beat constable many years ago. “I will remind him of that day if I get a chance to meet him. I will also tell him that my son is studying engineering and if he can take a look at his CV,” he said, wishing to see and hear himself say the same on TV.


An old lady had a different story to tell. “Satya was my student when he was three years old. And I vividly remember the boy from the pre-school. He would only keep looking out of Windows. We knew his relationship with Windows was strong,” she said as she joined the queue.


“You see, the senior teachers take all the credit for having prepared him for the daunting task that he is set to do. It is teachers like us who have laid the foundation for his career,” she rued.


The most telling comment came from a teacher, who said he had retired several years ago. “It is strange. When you write his name on MS Word, it is still underlined in red, requiring a spell check. He should have that corrected first. I kept telling him to pay attention to spellings,” the English teacher said.



Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Mark Zuckerberg’s letter on Facebook’s 10th anniversary

Today is Facebook’s 10th anniversary.


To be frank, it’s been a torturous journey so far, but still, I’m so grateful to be a part of it. It’s rare to be able to suck time from so many people’s lives, and I try to remind myself to make the most of every day and have the biggest impact I can on your lives.


I am ceo

“I’m CEO, Bi**h”



People often ask if I always knew that Facebook would become such a monstrous time killing machine as it is today. No way.


I remember getting pizza with my friends one night in college shortly after opening Facebook. I told them I was excited to let Harvard students dump textbooks in favor of The Facebook, but one day someone needed to do the same for students world over.


I always thought this was important – giving people the power to show off and stay confused, empowering people to build their own fantasy world themselves.


When I reflect on the last 10 years, one question I ask myself is: why people think that we are going to donate 1 dollar to that African kid for one like? We are not a charity organization. We have way fewer resources than other big companies. If they would have focused on this problem, they could have done it.


The only answer I can think of is: People misunderstood our motives. We are not there to remove poverty, but yeah, maybe we can help create a drug free world. By replacing the drugs.


While some doubted that in a market full of other drugs, social networking was not going to work, but we were building. While others doubted that this would be sustainable, you were getting addicted.


We just cared more about addicting the world than anyone else. And we still do today.


That’s why I’m even more excited about the next ten years than the last. The first ten years were about bootstrapping this network. Now we have the resources to help people across the world solve even bigger and more important problems like Kashmir and Taliban issues by abusing each others in comments.


Today, only one-third of the world’s population has access to the internet and are able to see the ads placed on right side of the Facebook news-feed. In the next decade, we have the opportunity and the social responsibility to make the other two-thirds see those ads.


Today, social networks are mostly about sharing moments with people, most of whom don’t even give a damn about those moments. In the next decade, they’ll also help you solve complex problems like, “Is your current hair style is perfect or not?”


Today, we have only a few ways to forcibly share our experiences with others. In the next decade, technology will enable us to create many more ways to capture and communicate new kinds of experiences. One of them is getting ‘Like’ by placing virtual gun on profile pic of your friend.


It’s been amazing to see how all of you have used our tools to keep yourself away from real world. You’ve shared the real happy moments and the artificial happy moments. You’ve started new rubbish pages, and kept spread out idiots connected. You’ve helped each other in so many ways.


I’m so grateful to be able to help build these tools for you. I feel a deep responsibility to keep you close to my amazing business venture by providing you platform to vent out your idiocy, so that the real world remains protected.


Thank you for letting me be a part of this journey.


Note: Here is Mark Zuckerberg’s original, err, fake post.

(the original post i.e. the above one, was accessed by Faking News using secret sources)



Samsung launches Android powered smart sleeping mattress

Mumbai. Samsung has finally forayed into sleeping mattress business and introduced first of its kind android powered mattress named “Sleepy 2014”, which is a technologically advance “smart mattress” running on Android 4.4 KitKat.


“We want to revolutionize almost everything, and what better way than making all of them run on Android? We are getting smart, so all other things should catch up. Phone, TV, watches, and now mattresses,” said Lee Kun-hee, chairman of the South Korean conglomerate.


“Think of Sleepy 2014 as a huge soft mobile phone, on which one can sleep too. You can call it a ‘Phabtress’ if you want, but it’s a mattress at the core,” Kun-hee explained.


Android bed

Sleepy 2014 can be charged and taken outdoors too



Besides having normal mobile phone features, Sleepy 2014 has many other specially designed features that will make your sleeping process effortless and more enjoyable.


An attached touch screen pillow, size of which can be easily adjusted by pinch zooming, is one of the distinguishing functionalities of Sleepy 2014. The mattress has an app, which is capable of even recording dreams of the person who is sleeping on it.


“In normal cases, we forget what we dreamt last night, but not anymore. If you are having a nightmare, it will wake you up by vibrating itself,” the CTO of Samsung explained the cutting-edge features, “The same vibration feature has been used in the alarm app. Imagine an alarm which will make it almost impossible for you to sleep and miss deadlines.”


“The in-built e-mail reading app is capable of delivering mails even in user’s dreams. It’s just to make sure that you read your mails in time,” the CTO told Faking News.


Sleepy 2014 is a boon for insomnia patients. If a person sleeping on it keeps turning sides quite frequently, it will automatically start playing lullabies to make him or her fall asleep.


Not only that, it has some great social networking apps, which will place you a step ahead of your peers, Samsung engineers claim.


“A user is allowed to make his snoring and farting sounds as public or private property. In case the user chooses public, the moment he will fart or snore, it will automatically post the sound clippings on Facebook and Twitter. Now you can share the most intimate moment with your friends,” said one of the developers of the smart mattress.


Meanwhile, arrival of such an advanced product in the market has sent shock waves across normal mattress makers. Market analysts are afraid that top brands like Sleepwell and Kurl-On may go the Nokia way if they don’t innovate.


“It’s just the start. Maybe one day, we will launch Android powered children,” a market watcher and tech expert predicted.



People who watch MTV Roadies have 25 hours in a day: Research

Chandigarh: According to a research done by few little known neurologists, it has been established that those who continue to watch MTV Roadies (even now) are gifted and naturally blessed with 25 hours in a day which leaves them with one extra hour than others to waste utilize that time watching the show.


Roadies 11

The brawn brain behind the show.



The research was done long time back but the findings are out in public domain only now after they got leaked.


The brains behind the research were initially reluctant to take credit of the research as they were wary of MTV labeling them a true roadie (like they once did to Rafael Nadal) impressed with their research and were not prepared for the humiliation that ensued.


As per sources the group reportedly surveyed many viewers to find out the exact reason why they are so hooked on to the show which is now in its 11th season. While a small percentage watched it to mock and crack jokes on Twitter by ridiculing the show, the rest appeared as clueless as the show itself.


Few participants even said they watch wanted to ‘prove’ something, though it couldn’t be verified if that thing was Pythagoras theorem or Archimedes principle.


“After we failed to find any convincing responses that could help us in coming to a conclusion, we decided to go deeper in to their lives and can now confidently claim after observing them for one full year that these people have one ‘extra’ hour in a day than average people,” said one of the researcher.


Since the show is aired only on Saturdays, for the rest of the week these people spend that one extra hour either commenting and fighting amongst each other on Youtube videos of same episodes or finding radioactive elements at radio stations.


“I was right when once in school I answered there are 25 hours in day. I am now going to sue that teacher who said it was wrong,” revealed Alia Bhatt, one of the participants of the research.



CNR Rao, the other Bharat Ratna recipient, inspires 2 guys to become scientists

New Delhi. CNR Rao, the eminent Indian chemist and scientist, who was the other recipient of Bharat Ratna besides Sachin Tendulkar, inspired a total of two youths across the whole nation to become scientists.


Despite the figure being alarmingly low when compared with the number of youths inspired by Sachin, scientist community is quite happy with addition of two new diehard fans of science.


CNR Rao & Sachin Tendulkar

CNR Rao, on left side of your screen.



“I am feeling excited and proud that I succeeded in inspiring a couple of young men to join comparatively less glamorous field like Chemistry. This happiness is no less than happiness of getting Bharat Ratna,” said a visibly happy CNR Rao.


Shriram Santosham and Kedar Pawar are the two brave youth who took the risk of being inspired by a scientist. They are confident of their decision paying off in the long run, apart from being selected for President’s bravery award next year.


“It wasn’t easy to ignore Sachin, SRK, and other similar personalities, but well, someone has to do this,” said Shriram on being asked about his brave decision, “I want to serve my nation, and it’s my way of achieving that goal. Although it’s less hip and cool, but still.”


However, Kedar’s reason of getting inspired was somewhat different.


“I was so thrilled to see him getting Bharat Ratna that I was getting goosebumps. All of a sudden, electrons, protons and neutrons started fascinating me and I felt some chemical locha. When I told my friends about that, they started laughing, and that convinced me that my feelings were genuine and right,” disclosed a chemically happy Kedar.


Meanwhile, Faking News tried to know why CNR Rao failed to inspire more than two persons in a country of billion plus mortals.


“It’s really tough to remain inspired by CNR Rao Ji for too long. There is no 24X7 coverage of Chemistry experiments and no panel discussions on news channels about chemistry research papers. Such a low media attention is the biggest block between me and Chemistry,” told Bittu, a class 12 student of Delhi Public School.