Faking News - leading news satire website of India: November 2013

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Common cold from last birth cured successfully by homeopathy after 48 years

Ranchi. A 28-year-old man Bimaar Jha today stunned everybody by claiming that a common cold ailment that he was carrying from the last birth was successfully cured after 48 years (20 years from the previous birth and 28 years in the current birth) of Homeopathic medication.

The man claims that he started suffering from common cold when he was 25 years of age in his previous birth and passed away due to pneumonia at the age of 45.

The shocking revelation came to light when Bimaar Jha went to the abnormality reality show Raaz Pichhle Janam Ka two years ago to know about his past life.

The magic potion

“I had gone after Ravi Kissen personally came to my house and begged me to be a part of the show. But what I saw there left me totally numb. I saw that I was suffering from common cold even in my previous birth. And then on advice of my previous family, I had opted for homeopathic treatment,” Bimaar recalled events from his last birth.

“My common cold only got worse,” he further recalled the events, “My doctor said that that’s how homeopathic medicines work. First they aggravate the problem, and then eradicate the problem from root.”

“That probably explains why I got pneumonia within a few years of taking the medicines, and one day I died,” Bimaar revealed, “I didn’t know that by eradication from root, the doctor meant eradication of life itself!”

“In this birth, my current parents tell me that I was born with a running nose. And they immediately administered me homeopathic medicines. And now by god’s grace I have finally been able to kick cold out from my body,” a visibly happy Bimaar told Faking News.

“My belief in homeopathy has become unshakeable now. I hope I get parents who believe in homeopathic treatment in the next birth too,” he said.

Reacting to the incident, Homeopathy expert Dr. Batra said, “People don’t believe me when I say that homeopathic medicines actually work. One has to be patient (pun intended) for a long time.”

Friday, November 29, 2013

Opinion: In defense of Tarun Tejpal

It is disgusting to see a man, who has written literary novels and has a nicely styled ponytail, being treated by the media and the public at large as if he were some ordinary sexual predator.

I mean, come on, he can speak English, he has money, he can bring Robert De Niro to India, and he can find grammatical mistakes in this article, and yet we are treating him as if he were some rickshaw puller or a bus conductor?

Where is the sense of proportion dude?

Just look at this style. What kind of a sick fuck you have to be to even think that he can rape someone?

Let’s get it right: Tarun Tejpal is not another of those ugly uncouth illiterate rapists. He’s a good rapist, that too if the charges are proved and the latest draconian laws are applied.

But till that happens, let not the deeds of some bad rapists bring disrepute to the good ones.

You might be shocked that how can there be good and bad rapists. This is because you are naïve and don’t know that there are such categorizations. There is a good Taliban and a bad Taliban in our neighborhood. And back home, we have good bigots and bad bigots.

Good Taliban don’t randomly kill people, they select their targets wisely after much discussion and finally behead them.

Similarly, good bigots don’t go on abusing people just because they belong to another religion or subscribe to another ideology. They write editorials and malign the very existence of people whose set of beliefs they don’t agree with. They bring shame and agony with nicely crafted words, not maa-behen abuses.

Do you now have the cognitive ability to differentiate between the good and the bad? Don’t go by regressive ideas propagated by regressive events like Dussehra, where Ram is good and Raavan is bad. LOL!

Good and bad is defined in modern books, with progressive ideas. Once you read those books and articles, and apply your mind, you will know that there is a difference between an ordinary rapist and a self-lacerating Tejpal.

We don’t treat good rapists in this way. It’s a shame that media is going after him as if he were an ordinary bad rapist speaking North Indian accented Hindi.

For god’s sake, he’s not a guy who stares at women perversely. He winks at them; with a panache and élan that makes him look adorable and a superstar.

He doesn’t show his ugly gutkha lacerated teeth and tries to paw random women in secluded places. He finds a context, invites the girl to the place, convinces (himself) that the situation is conducive to being consensual, lets out alcohol aromated words, and then he brings his hands in action.

What kind of an idiot you have to be to not see the difference and insist upon treating him as just another sexual offender?

Enough is enough. Down with communal forces.

Friday faking release: Painter Babu

Journey of Vijay Jolly from a politician to a painter.

Watch to know how a politician turned into a painter.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Don’t inhale Indian oxygen, Pakistan Taliban tells its terrorists

Islamabad, Pakistan. After warning Pakistan media against praising “Indian” Sachin Tendulkar, Taliban high command has now ordered all its commanders operating in India to wear oxygen masks and carry Pakistan made oxygen cylinders to avoid inhaling Indian air.

“It is a sin to inhale enemy’s oxygen, a kind of debt,” said Taliban chief via a video message, “Besides oxygen cylinders, our fighters will also carry Pak made food items and Pakistani water and try their best not to appreciate any Indian thing.”

Earlier the terrorists thought that they were stopping oxygen by putting clothes on their face, but latest physics textbooks gifted to them by Imran Khan opened their eyes.

The Taliban chief talked about how the whole logistics system will be overhauled to support their new strategy. They will open their own store houses across India to maintain a regular supply of food, water, and oxygen to their onsite mujahideens.

On being asked by a leading Pakistani channel about their plan to stop inflow of Indian air at LOC, Taliban chief expressed his desire of building a wall even higher than the Great Wall of China.

However, he failed to explain that how will Taliban send their Jihadis in India if such a big wall was there at LOC.

Meanwhile, following the chief’s order, Taliban has already started training their terrorists.

“This is a very welcome step and in line with our fidayeen (suicide attackers) line of attack,” a terrorist trainer at Taliban told Faking News.

“We are putting two cylinders on the back of our terrorists – one full of Pakistani oxygen and another full of cyanide. If our mujahideens run out of oxygen, they can quickly turn into fidayeens by releasing and inhaling the cyanide gas,” the trainer explained.

Kapil Sibal joins Twitter, discussion follows first tweet

Shri Kapil Sibal, person who was entrusted with banning Twitter in India, ended up joining the micro-~~trolling~~-blogging website earlier today. This was his first tweet, and this is what happened afterwards:

Fake Twitter discussion on Sibal's first tweet

Sibal’s tweets are expected to generate more discussions and news in coming days

HR calls a meeting to decide if the sleeping employee should be woken up

Mumbai. After an employee, Rahul Sonewala, was found sleeping in his office with no signs of ~~weakening~~ waking up, the Human Resources department of the concerned company decided to call a meeting on how to deal with the situation.

“It was all fine for the first few minutes, but then he started snoring,” Manisha, one of Rahul’s colleagues recalled how the HR people came to know about the sleeping employee.

“No, no, his snoring sound didn’t reach the HR office downstairs,” Manisha quickly added, “I called the HR guys up so that they do something about it. I hope I didn’t wake up some HR guys by calling up!”

Taking quick note of the complaint by Manisha, one of the HR executives came upstairs after 45 minutes and 3 reminders by her. He saw Rahul sleeping, took some notes, and went back.

“There were no steps taken for another hour after that. All this while, Rahul was snoring,” Manisha told Faking News. When she called up the HR office again, she was informed that they had called up a meeting to discuss the issues.

Sources say that the HR executives referred to the rulebooks, employment contracts, and code of conduct to find out if Rahul Sonewala was guilty of breaking any office rule.

“We can’t wake up an employee just like that. It’s not our job!” an HR executive explained why the meeting was called.

The employee, after he woke up by himself, though many did try various tricks to wake him up.

Sources further reveal that the meeting was inconclusive in the first half, after which they broke for snacks. When the meeting was reconvened, one of the HR managers quipped that they shouldn’t wake Rahul up.

“Let him sleep. Will help us deal with attrition rates,” he is reported to have proposed, but the senior manager rejected the proposal.

After two hours of discussion, the HR department decided to convert this crisis into an opportunity – an oft repeated suggestion by management gurus and textbooks. They decided to convert the sleeping Rahul into an exercise to boost employee happiness.

“We have announced a contest where we will give gift hampers to the employee who wakes up Mr. Sonewala,” the HR manager announced.

Office sources confirm that the contest started and got over without any winner as no one could wake Rahul up.

Finally, fed up with Rahul’s Kumbhkarna style nap, everyone left office, leaving behind a plate of fish curry as dinner for Rahul, in case he wakes up and feels hungry.

Later in the morning, a security guard of the office building revealed that he saw Rahul talking to his dinner:

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

AAP to form a parallel government if they don’t win Delhi elections

New Delhi. In a press conference held at ~~party headquarters~~ Jantar Mantar yesterday, Aam Aadmi Party has decided to form and run a parallel govt in Delhi irrespective of whether they win the upcoming elections or not.

Arvind Kejriwal celebrating his party’s victory in alternate reality with other members.

“In our mind we are already the winners. We are acting like government already what with not paying electricity bills which ministers in power are known to do. We are also confident of bringing about a change in the system instantaneously after taking over unofficially,” shouted Kumar Vishwas to the media present in the conference.

“Since people in the party’s internal surveys have already elected Arvind Kejriwal as their CM, he would respect their decision and choice and preside over the CM’s chair,” he further shouted.

Sources confirm that AAP is already on their way to build an alternate CM office and residence next to the original one with the party funds, where Arvind Kejriwal and Co would sit and take important decisions like whom to expose, whose electricity meter to remove, how many more posters to put for women’s safety, how many more outlandish promises to make etc on a daily basis.

When Faking News pointed that forming a government despite losing would mean going against people’s voice, AAP’s political science expert Yogendra Yadav defended the party’s stand, “I have always believed ‘Internal Surveys’ are the real voice of people, solution to every problem in India and the only way forward.”

“And I am sure if at all we lose it will be only because those who were voting in the internal surveys, did not get time to vote in reality. Or they were stuck in jams, which is again result of poor governance by congress govt. Or there was booth capturing done by insecure BJP and Congress goons. So why should we suffer because of poor state and administration policies,” he further argued.

However neutral political experts in the country are not amused with the decision.

“What’s the point of wasting Tax Payer’s money on these meaningless elections? Why don’t we just scrap them and directly ask AAP to carry out few more internal surveys and predict winners of upcoming state and general elections as well?,” demanded to know one such expert from Times Now.

In other news taking a cue from AAP, convicted politician and ex-Bihar CM Lalu Prasad Yadav too has announced that he would run a parallel government from jail (irrespective of the result of elections) itself to counter communal forces of the country.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

A black cat continues even after another black cat crossed her path; world feeling betrayed

Patna. In what could be called as a moment of betrayal for the entire humanity, a local black cat named ‘Kajari’, ignoring all the rules and regulations, continued her journey even after another black cat crossed her path.

Hypocrite creature.

It’s a known fact that having a black cat crossing path is considered by many to be an omen of doom. But the unfortunate incident has left people wondering that if cat themselves believe in this rule.

“These cats are hypocrites and are not much different from Asaram Bapu,” said Manohar Yadav, who was still recovering from the Asaram’s jolt when he heard of this cat incident, “It has completely broken my faith.”

Ram Basaawan, who once left a job interview after a cat crossed his path, is so irked that he has vowed to eliminate the entire black cat species from the Earth. Our reporter spotted him running behind cats wearing a black head scarf. Ram Basaawan was wearing the scarf.

Not just stray incidents in India, news of protests and violence against black cats are coming from different parts of the world. This has forced the black cats to rethink their positioning in the society.

Sources say that the black cat community is quite angered by the deeds of ‘Kajari’, because of whom the human might stop taking black cats seriously.

“Now both humans and the black cat community are after my friend, Kajari naa ghar ki rahi naa ghaat ki,” revealed a close friend of Kajari fearing for safety of Kajari’s life.

However, some of the firm believers of black cat superstition are still unperturbed and are seeing the looming danger over life of Kajari as a result of her sinful act.

“She ignored the law, and now she is running for her life, what more you need to prove black cat law? As you sow, so shall you reap,” said Pundit Madholal reaffirming his belief.

Tarun Tejpal now claims apology mail was a light hearted drunken banter with Shoma

New Delhi. In a freshly filed bail petition to Delhi High Court, Tarun Tejpal now claims that the apology mails written by him to the complainant were a light hearted drunken banter.

This petition was filed after hearing for the first one was adjourned by the court till tomorrow.

After a series of drunken banters comes a drunken pose.

“There was no untoward incident in any elevator in Goa. What I wrote was a drunken banter with Shoma. There was no admittance of guilt or owning up for something I did. It was just for fun,” Tejpal claimed in his petition, which was shockingly written in plain prose requiring no reference to a thesaurus.

Experts believe that after claiming that charges against him were politically motivated and after casting aspersions on victim’s motives, Tejpal is now making sure that his letters – which obliquely incriminate him in the incident – are also discredited and he gets a clean chit in the sexual assault case.

But friends of Tejpal reject any insinuation that he was trying to give a spin to the whole situation and cover up his deeds.

“Tarun is a great connoisseur of wines and words, and it’s very much possible that he wrote a mail after having a few pegs of whiskey,” Rahul Singh, a friend of Tarun Tejpal told Faking News.

When Faking News contacted Tehelka’s managing editor Shoma Chaudhary, she said that she too had doubts over why Tarun wrote those mails in first place.

“Everything is crystal clear now. Some political forces are trying to benefit from this mail that was just a banter from Tarun,” she said.

Shoma also praised Tarun for having “adamantine jocular principles” that resulted in such mails, which was awfully misread as admission of guilt by some misguided people.

When asked about the mails written by the victim who has now resigned from Tehelka, Shoma said that the motives behind those letters were still unclear.

“I appeal to that girl to learn something from Tarun’s integrity and clear the air why she has been writing those letters,” she said.

Meanhwile the High Court is confused if it should treat this petition as another light hearted drunken banter or not.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Project Manager orchestrates sting operation on juniors to get proof of bitching about him

Bangalore. Inspired from sting operations conducted by media houses, Shaakal Chaudhary, a Project Manager at an IT company orchestrated a similar operation to know what his juniors feel about him.

Shaakal Chaudhary.

Shaakal hired a private agency named ‘Corporate Sarkar’, which set up the trap to make employees bare their hearts in front of hidden cameras. Shaakal allegedly did this after one of his informers tipped him of how his juniors mock him behind his back.

Sources tell Faking News that Corporate Sarkar’s undercover agents met junior employees posing as survey agents and asked for views about their boss.

“They promised our opinions will remain confidential and they are doing it as a part of survey to know about plight of employees in the corporate sector,” said Abhinav, a junior software engineer who works under Shaakal, “We opened our heart, and as a result, we are on the verge of getting fired from our jobs. Everything we said is on their tapes now.”

“Now that I have all the required evidences, I can easily get them kicked out from the company,” said a jubilant Shaakal, while stroking his bald head. However, Mr Shaakal refused reveal exact content of the videos.

“I can’t even repeat the words my juniors used for me. Many of the abusive words they used were unheard to me; appears they are fresh out of engineering college hostel’s linguistic laboratories,” he added further.

It is expected that many more managers across different companies may try the same trick with their juniors.

The incident has left corporate workforce in a state of deep shock.

“It’s a direct attack on our privacy and on traditional corporate culture. Bitching about bosses is one of the ways, other than having coffee and cigarettes together, how we junior employees bond with each other,” said an enraged Pradip who is a management intern at an advertising firm.

Even top corporate gurus are criticizing the sting operation and calling it the beginning of an ugly trend. “Bosses should allow it when they are not giving salary hikes or benefits to juniors. Criticizing the boss together gives them the much needed psychological support to continue in the job. And it’s also a kind of informal team building activity,” explained Prahlaad Thakkar, writer of famous book ‘ABC of Corporate’.

Criminals upset with CBI court after it delivers a verdict on Arushi Talwar case in just 6 years

Ghaziabad. As a special CBI court delivers a judgment in Arushi Talwar murder case nearly 6 years after her sensational killing along with domestic help Hemraj, criminals across India have expressed sadness and disgust at CBI for delivering verdict in such a short span of time.

Talwars are contemplating filing a case against CBI court for the fast judgment.

They feel cases like this should have taken a minimum of 25 years to come to conclusion and now fear that if the trend continues, it will act as a deterrent to criminals who would be wary of committing crimes in the country.

They feel CBI court should have shown the patience they showed dealing with Lalu Prasad Yadav till recently.

Criminals are so upset with this development that they have threatened to leave India and flee to countries like Pakistan or Bangladesh which they feel honors and values talent like theirs.

“This is a tragic and shameful day in the history of Indian judiciary. We thought India was by far the safest country to commit a crime and get away with it. But we are having second thoughts now if we should continue our career in this country or move out for better and safer prospects. I mean what message is being sent out to aspiring criminals. That India is not a safe haven for them anymore,” rued a criminal who has been accused of committing a rape and murder in 1996 and has been leading a peaceful life so far.

“I can now understand the predicament Dawood bhai and Chhota Shakeel must have faced when they fled the country two decades ago. First you do this and then you complain about brain drain,” he added.

When Faking News pointed out that even 6 years is a long time, he shot back, “Not according to the huge standards set by Indian Judiciary my friend.”

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Engineering college creates artificial sky inside hostel to show sunrise to students

Bangalore. After giving up any hopes of its students changing their lifestyle in accordance with the laws of the nature, an engineering college has decided to take help of technology to bring nature nearer to the students.

The tradition of staying up awake till late night playing Counter-Strike, downloading watching movies, drinking, and discussing girls and philosophy are a part of the hostel life, which results in students waking up late in morning and missing sunrise.

Most of the students of NIT said “nuclear fission” when shown this photo

Nishachar Institute of Technology (NIT) has been trying to help its students wake up since the start of the millennium, but now it has given up. Instead, it has created an artificial sky inside its hostels to give sunrise deprived inmates an impression of timely sunrise.

“Students never listen to us while on campus, but once they graduate, they find a totally different world outside and find it difficult to adjust. Many students had vision problems as their eyes couldn’t easily adjust to change in luminosity after being opened in the morning,” Narayan Shankar, dean of NIT revealed why they took the decision to install an artificial sky.

“My own son never witnessed sunrise in his 4 year stay at college hostel. While he was on campus, I asked to him to draw a picture of early morning and he drew bright big sun almost in the middle of the sky,” the dean explained the gravity of the situation.

The artificial sky will be installed on hostel ceilings and will generate an effect of sunrise from 9 AM in the morning to 1 PM in afternoon on weekdays, when students normally wake up, while it will have the same effects till 4 PM on the weekends.

To make the mornings more genuine, the college has also ordered some hens and cocks that will crow kookdoo-koo or ‘Cock a doodle doo’.

“Although these birds are known for crowing at the break of dawn, but once they mingle with these students, they will also start waking up late,” warden of one of the NIT hostels told Faking News.

While these steps are being taken to help the students, the current batch is suspecting a conspiracy by the administration.

“We can’t trust them. Maybe that artificial sky will have some surveillance tools like hidden cameras. Furthermore, why are they trying to destroy the culture?” argued Yudhisthir Thakur, a 5th year student who is repeating few courses.

But the administration has clarified that their decision was final and binding on all. They have already included this feature as their USP in the college prospectus. “Dare to think beyond sunrise” is the new motto for NIT.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Winters keep away from Mumbai for fear of being labeled outsider

Mumbai. Mumbaikars often rue about the lack of winters in the city a la Delhi. While people in Delhi switch on room heaters, Mumbaikars have to convince themselves to switch off air conditioners.

A winter that also comes with winter wears has been a long cherished dream of every Mumbai resident, but it seems this dream might remain a dream for long.

Locals waiting for winters

Faking News has found out why winters don’t come to Mumbai. Sources reveal that winters actually arrive during the season at odd hours, but don’t stay for long because of fear of being labeled “outsiders” and being bashed up in the process.

“We know how outsiders, especially from north, are treated in this city by some politicians and are wary of the same treatment being meted out to us. So that’s why we come early in the morning around 5 am or so, when not many people are awake and watching, cool down the temperature a little bit, and then go back within an hour,” a member of Winter Asscociation revealed.

“We will continue to play such hide and seek with the city till such hate politics subsides,” she warned.

Raj Thackeray too believes it’s better for the city if these winters stay away.

“It is because of these winters from north, that our humid Marathi weather is not getting recognition in its own city. If these winters stay 24/7, our humid weather will have to struggle to get notice,” the MNS chief explained.

He also feels that these winters are nothing but anti-social elements who are responsible for rising crimes in any city.

“A humid and hot weather means people remain within confines of their home. But when weather is good, people come out of their homes and along with them migrants also come out and commit crimes,” he reasoned.

“Further we have already seen how so many people up in north die every year because of harsh and cruel nature of winters. We won’t let it happen to people of Mumbai,” he added.

However away from all this some Mumbaikars have found their own way to tackle it and are creating artificial winters by keeping AC at lowest temperature and wearing sweaters inside home and workplace.

Some are even wearing these sweaters and jackets while stepping out to prove that winters in the city are at par with Delhi. It came to light when few of them were found in unconscious state in various parts of the city.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Employee gets a dream appraisal while sleeping in office

The dream appraisal – how it began.

Mumbai. Professionals work hard to get a dream appraisal, but Rahul Sonewala, a 23-year-old marketing executive got it while he was sleeping in his office.

It’s not yet known if Manish was asleep due to overeating during the lunch break or because he was overburdened with work i.e. updating his Facebook status with ‘feeling excited’ messages during office hours, but colleagues confirm that he was sleeping like a log.

“He opened his laptop, stared a few minutes into the screen, and then closed the lid before falling asleep on his desk,” Manisha, one of the colleagues of Rahul, gave the job description of Rahul Sonewala to this reporter.

While his colleagues were enjoying the sight of him sleeping in office and made videos to be uploaded on Facebook, Rahul experienced a dream appraisal in his sleep.

“You need a 500% raise in your salary, and the company will give you a 4 BHK luxurious flat in Worli,” Rahul’s boss patted his back during the appraisal meeting, “Top management is impressed with the way you changed that slide in the corporate presentation to include 4 bullet points instead of just 3.”

Not only that, Rahul saw, in his dream as he slept in the office, that his boss gave him A+ on all parameters in the appraisal feedback form and wrote “He is perfect” under the “Area(s) for improvement” field.

Under the “Further training(s) needed”, the boss went on to write “2 weeks as Group CEO”, something that Rahul was slightly satisfied with, in his dream.

The dream appraisal was still going on when reports last came in. These details were sourced by Faking News after contacting Leonardo DiCaprio of the Inception fame. Experts believe that this appraisal could end on a very sore note if Rahul doesn’t wake up soon.

Following is an exclusive video (among many) of what was actually happening in the real word while Rahul slept:

Ram Jethmalani takes suo motu action to defend Tarun Tejpal

New Delhi. After Goa police took suo motu cognizance and filed an FIR against Tarun Tejpal, the Tehelka founder accused of attempt to rape, eminent Lawyer Ram Jethmalani has taken suo motu cognizance of Tejpal’s guilt and decided to defend him.

In a press conference in a 5-star hotel, Ram Jethmalani was at his caustic best. When asked to explain his actions, he answered with his customary scowl:

“I remember his from those days, and knew I’d one day get a chance to defend him.”

“In the first place, I am not bound by any law to explain my actions to the media, however, now that you are here, let me tell you that if any court or government decides to take suo motu action based on media reports, I as an individual and a lawyer can do the same.”

It should be noted that Mr. Jethmalani had defended Manu Sharma, who was exposed as guilty of murder of Jessica Lal in a sting operation carried out by Tehelka.

“Then I had argued that Manu was a victim of media trial, and now I can see Shoma saying the same on TV channels. I think it’s the right time for me to intervene,” Mr. Jethmalani said.

When asked what arguments he would use to prove Tejpal an innocent editor who respects women, Jethmalani said that it was “not a big deal”.

“I can argue that the girl’s father had asked Tarun to keep an eye on his daughter and Tarun was being over protective, which resulted in misreading of the situation. Or it could be possible that it was not Tarun in the lift someone else, a lookalike whom the victim mistook for Tarun,” the veteran lawyer explained.

When this Faking News reporter pointed out that Tarun Tejpal had already accepted being involved in the “incident”, Jethmalani rejected the mail as “irrelevant”.

“Things written by journalists are anyway not accepted by the courts as evidence, so Tejpal shouldn’t worry,” he said, “Also, I believe that sending the mail was nothing but a lapse of judgment, an awful misreading of the situation.”

When asked if Tarun knows that he is defending him, Ram Jethmalani admitted that he was unable to reach him because in all probability he is still undergoing penance and lacerating in the company of another of his client, Asaram Bapu.

Friday faking release: Go Goa Gone

Will it run successfully for six months or more?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Tarun Tejpal to ‘lacerate’ himself by reading his own novels and articles

New Delhi. After terming his sexual harassment and molestation of a co-journalist as a ‘bad lapse of judgment’ and bravely owning up and apologizing for it, Faking News has learnt that Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka shame fame has gone a step ahead and decided to repent in his 6 months vacation sabbatical by reading his own books, novels and articles as a part of laceration he talked about in his mail that got leaked.

Sources say the decision to do so was taken after he was going through the feedbacks for the novels he has written so far.

Tejpal showing the shitty piece he is going to read first.

Later when Faking News spoke to Tarun, he confirmed the news.

“The moment I read the criticism of my work, I was sure there can not be a harsher punishment than this. If need be I ll watch my shows and sting operations as well as a part of penance that I must impose on myself. I challenge you to prove that a 7 year jail term in more tortuous than what I am undertaking. I ll surrender if you are able to do so,” said Tejpal before boarding a charter plane to an unknown destination.

Tejpal’s colleague and Managing editor of Tehelka Magazine Shoma Chaudhary has hailed his decision.

“Mind you this is over and above the unconditional apology Tejpal sir has already offered to the concerned journalist. What more do you need now? He has set a precedent where in an accused decides the punishment he should get on his own, thereby relieving the already overburdened Indian Judiciary,” she told Faking News.

Even senior lawyer Ram Jethmalani is in awe of the now ex-editor of Tehelka, “My goodness! He is a genius. How the hell did this idea of ‘bad lapse of judgment’ not strike me all these years. Now I ll successfully use this argument in to defend Asaram Bapu in court.”

However Human right activists are up in arms against Tejpal’s decision and were seen protesting against outside his house for inflicting such a harsh punishment on himself. “We are now worried that he’ll get carried away and look into mirror as well as a part of penance,” an activist opened up and revealed their fears to us.

Seeing this even Delhi Police has swung into action and has sent a team to arrest Tejpal.

“This is suicidal. We won’t let it happen. A volunteer from our force took it upon himself to read his work and he is now recovering in AIIMS hospital,” Delhi Police commissioner revealed.

Meanwhile eminent lyricist Javed Akhtar has applauded Tejpal for showing immense guts to repent by reading his own work knowing fully well how pathetic it is.